The Origins of Fear and Evil
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In our universe, there are 5 deities, that have existed before and prior to the universe. They are responsible for the creation of matter, and the existence of all things that we know of today. The 5 deities created the universe in 5 days using their mythical, law-breaking powers and their omniscience.
On Day 1 of the creation, 25-year-old Cory from Cory in the House came forth, and took a giant shit everywhere. Over time, his godly feces cooled and solidified, creating vast and beautiful landscapes that we know of today, such as mountains, vallies, hills and the White House. He then stepped back and watched with his benelovence, as the other deities came forth.
On Day 2, Shrek came forth, and released his glorious urine and onion-flavoured semen into the universe. His urine created the deep, mysterious, crashing oceans, and his semen created sex and pleasure. He then roared "THIS EEZ MAH SWEMP", uniting the lands created by Cory and the oceans created by Shrek into one universe. He then stepped back and watched with his benelovence, as the other deities came forth.
On Day 3, Johnny Test came forth, and released his omniscience into the universe for his people to discover, in the form of his vaginal fluids. His glorious liquids are responsible for the vast amounts of knowledge in the world, and he is the creator of the laws of nature and science. He then stepped back and watched with his benelovence, as the other deities came forth.
On Day 4, Barry from Bee Movie came forth, and extracted blood from himself to create the creatures and organisms we know today. From his blood, bees and birds emerged, humans and fish emerged, and all the beautiful creatures we know today were born. He then released sticky honey from his insectoid penis, and used this honey to create love and emotions. He then stepped back, and watched with his benelovence, as the final deity came forth.
On Day 5, Captain Qwark from Ratchet and Clank came forth, and released his semen into the universe, creating the geological processes and physics of the world, in order for it to function. He then stepped back, and watched with his benelovence.
The 5 deities then looked at their creation, and were pleased, and rested.
However, the next morning, Qwark asked Barry to give him a blowjob. Barry refused because he was not horny and said that he did not want to sting Qwark's 3 inch penis by accident. Qwark got angered and betrayed the other deities, and created the Drek and Farquaad forces to bring suffering into the world. Cory, Barry, Shrek and Johnny Test combined their powers to banish him from their creation, however, he still exists paralell to the universe, controlling evil and suffering.
We must follow the 4 deities if we are to banish Qwark's influence forever. Only the power of faith will allow the deities to overcome Qwark and defeat him once and for all.
Cory is Love, Cory is Life.
Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life.
Johnny is Love, Johnny is Life.
Barry is Love, Barry is Life.
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