The Simpsons: Russian Bearz
Hello. I'm Hoemr. I come from the U.S. Recently, I saw a strange Simpsons episode that was never supposed to aired on FOX one night... It was a more modern episode from Season 25. This is my description of the episode and, I'll end it of with my message to you...
The episode started without a intro. The Coach Gag was, odd. Homer was sat at the coach. He reached over to the remote. His heart suddenly stopped. The floor seemed like it was made out of flesh. Homer was slowly being sucked into it. A voice was heard. "Repent and be consumed for what you did." The voice echoed. "No, please, I have a family!" Homer sobbed. Then, he was sucked into the ground below. The episode started...
It started with Homer, explaining why he wants to go to Russia. He drew out what looked like a plan. All over the walls were handprints, from the previous owners, of course. Everyone was yawning. The screen flashed red a few times, I guess.
Homer's eyes grew wider. "I've got a idea!" He said. A lightbulb appeared over his head. He threw the lightbulb at Santa's Little Helper, into his eyes. He died shortly after. Marge looked fuming. She had red and realistic eyes.
"Homer!" Marge yelled.
"What?" Homer asked, calmly.
"You killed the dog!" Marge snarled.
"Woah, calm down, Marge. He adds nothing to this long-running show anyways anymore." Homer said, looking at the camera.
"I'm talking to you, FOX!" Homer said, staring into the very camera.
It cut to Homer and co. They were boarding a plane to Russia. For some reason, the screen showed images of dead and mutilated real-life bodies of people I've never seen in my entire life! I was shocked. Then, the episode contiuned. Homer and his family got onto the plane. They talked about what they wanted to do.
"So, guys, what ya wanna do?" Marge said.
"I wanna see the snow!" Bart said.
"I wanna learn the science!" Lisa said.
"*Suck *Suck" Maggie said.
"I wanna kill Putin!" Homer said, jokingly.
"Heh, was that a joke, Dad?" Bart asked.
"Yes, it was, guys!" Homer said.
Everyone laughed. Ha ha ha. Yeah. They laughed and laughed. They put their seatbelts on and the person onboard through a speaker started to talk.
"(Turns on PA System), uhh, hi, welcome to Spirit Airlines. During our 20 minute fast flight to Russia, might I suggest you enjoy our airline food? We have safety instructions. We've got a bunch of stuff, basically. Yeah, so, sit back, relax and enjoy the flight!"
Homer cheered. It cut to a time card. However, the background for the time card was black and it said the Simpsons font. The font reads as follows:
"20 minutes later..."
Homer was on the ground. He saw a puddle of blood. More puddles were seen and Russian soilders were marching. "Wait, where are we again?" Homer said. "*Sigh* Have you seen the sign?" Bart said. The sign said this.
"Russia."
That means that they were IN Russia! Oh my gosh! They were!
Homer's eyes turned red. His body curled up into a quivering ball. Everyone was confused. Homer grabbed a knife and he killed Abe Simpson by slitting his lower back open. "I killed that guy." Homer said, in a monotone voice. His eyes transformed back to normal.
"Homer, how did you do that?" Bart asked.
"Plot." Homer said.
"What about the plot?" Bart asked.
"Just the plot, my boy." Homer said, patting Bart's head.
The screen had flashes of static and images. "Boy, we need to go explore Russia!" Homer said. "OK, Dad." Bart said.
A montage played. It had the main theme from Super Mario Maker playing in the background for some reason. Homer sometimes had red eyes. This was probably something not normal. Was it intentional? I'm not sure... The fact is that it was all intentional. Blood went spraying everywhere as it showed Homer blowing up 5 Russian tanks and injuring all of the other soilders with broken glass and a gun. Where did Homer get a gun from?! I was very confused.
The next scene was, different. The screen was darker. Bart was meeting Putin. As he shook Putin's hand, it zoomed into Putin's face. A flashback began to play. It was of the war with Ukraine that they had. A voice was talking in the background. "War. War never changes." Then, the flashback ended. Putin was drawn in the Simpsons style and so was everyone else.
Homer was driving a tank, humming The Simpsons Theme. He began to shot at oncoming Russian tanks and Russian soilders. This was unlike Homer. Homer would never commit manslaughter! (Unless he was told to).
Missles were launched. Homer managed to dodge them, Matrix style. The quality was good. Yeah. Distorted gunfire was heard. Then, it stopped. Homer was running over Russian soilders and everyone else was in the back, including Maggie. The same song was playing in the background. Suddenly, the roads looked, shoddy.
Homer's face looked, normal. This was very like Homer. Which was good! (For him, anyways). Blood splattered onto the road. However, this blood didn't just look realistic. The blood itself didn't look like a cartoon, either. The blood looked h-h-h-h-hyper-realistic!
Bart was standing. He was scared.
"What happened?" Bart asked.
"Don't you see, son? I killed them all. They thought I was Josef Stalin for some odd reason!" Homer said.
"You don't look like Stalin." Bart said.
"Uhh, yeah. If I was Stalin, I would commit death by gun." Homer said.
"So, you would put a gun in your mouth and pew pew yourself?" Bart asked.
"Yes, because he's worse than Logan Paul!" Homer said.
"Logan Paul is like the Hitler of YouTube of me and you, right?" Bart asked.
"Yes, he's just so hated, and for good reason, too." Homer said.
"He filmed some shitty dead bodies for clickbait and to top that off, he doesn't even make a good apology video!" Bart said.
"Son, I agree with you. We should cancel Logan Paul on YouTube.com." Homer said.
"But, how?" Bart said.
"Expose him!" Homer said.
"Hasn't he already been exposed enough?" Bart said.
"Yeah, you are right." Homer said.
A few hours later, they flew home. Yeah. They did. Homer stared at the rotting corpse of Abe Simpson.
"Abe, I need to cremate you in the easiest way possible, by puttting you into the fireplace." Homer said.
Abe's body was burnt to a crisp.
"Mmm, Abe Simpsons's lifeless corpse." Homer drooled.
Then, they ate Abe. The episode ended and the credits with the same music as the montage. However, the names of everyone who worked on the show got glitchier and glitchier. Then, it ended...
I turned my TV off. Yeah. I did...
I still watch that episode. It's funny. Now, I'll still never forget the blood and disturbing stuff I saw ever again...
Plot Twist: It was me, Homer Simpson. Hmhahahahhahahahahaha! You're next. Haha! See you in your dreams! - Homer Simpson.
Written by TheBigLG
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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