The Story of Mr. Skeletal
Once upon a time, there were two skeleton brothers. One had strong, healthy bones and was rich in calcium, while the other had osteoporosis and always broke his bones. The first was named Mr. Skeletal, while the other was mr skeltal (his parents wrote his name wrong on purpose because they thought he was born wrong).
For all his childhood and adolescence, mr skeltal lived in the shadow of Mr. Skeletal, always being teased and bullied by the other skeletons. Mr. Skeletal loved the feeling of having the strongest, whitest, healthiest bones around, and had all the prettiest skeladies in love with him.
Once both skeletons reached adulthood, they each went their separate ways. mr skeltal was glad that he could escape from his cruel brother, while Mr. Skeletal rejoiced that he would never have to see his inferior brother ever again. Mr. Skeletal became a horror movie star, while mr skeltal started a business selling handmade musical instruments.
One day, mr skeltal heard a commercial for one of Mr. Skeletal's new movies on the radio. It was called House on Haunted Hill, and Mr. Skeletal played the role of a skeleton who pushed a woman into a vat of acid. People claimed to have died from heart attacks while watching this scene, which made mr skeltal jealous. mr skeltal had never succeeded in spooking people. All he had was his musical instruments, which didn't even sound good. But mr skeltal was now filled with new determination. To out-spook Mr. Skeletal. mr skeltal started drawing plans for the spookiest musical instrument ever created. After 666 days and 666 nights of working nonstop, mr skeltal finally had his instrument.
It was a masterpiece. Made of the greatest metals, measured to have the most resonant sound, and cursed by the most powerful necromancer in the land. This was the greatest trumpet known to skeletonkind. mr skeltal put it to his jawbone and blew.
But nothing happened. Without lips, he could never play the trumpet. mr skeltal cursed himself for not having planned this. Not letting himself get discouraged, mr skeltal tried again. He made a new contraption, that would allow him to blow into the trumpet without lips. He tried again.
doot doot
It worked! The glorious sound filled mr skeltal's bones with calcium, and made him as strong as Mr. Skeletal. Finally, mr skeltal would spook a fleshling.
It was a dark night. mr skeltal hid in an alley behind a graveyard. He waited for a passerby to pass by and jumped out! He blew his trumpet. doot doot! The sound was so horrific, the lady jumped right out of her skin! mr skeltal was overjoyed at having spooked someone so well! Mr. Skeletal would be so jealous of him! mr skeltal went back home and enjoyed a glass of milk to reward himself.
News of mr skeltal reached Mr. Skeletal quickly. He was outraged! For all his life, he had been the stronger skeleton, the better one, the spookiest! To be dethroned now would be unacceptable, especially when his wedding was coming next week! He had to have revenge.
Mr. Skeletal went to mr skeltal's music shop and slammed the doors open. He was furious! mr skeltal and Mr. Skeletal faced each other in a brutal duel that destroyed mr skeltal's shop. It was a stalemate. But mr skeltal had a secret weapon: his trumpet.
mr skeltal blew on the trumpet and was immediately restored to full power! Meanwhile, Mr. Skeletal became a shriveled, calcium-deficient heap of bones, and crumbled to the floor. mr skeltal was finally the top skeleton in the family! He would go on to be thanked by skeletons all around the world, and he would reward each of the thankers with calcium from his magical trumpet. Meanwhile, Mr. Skeletal was forced to pretend he was mr skeltal, and had to trick people into thanking him so he could steal their calcium. mr skeltal also married mrs skeltal, who turned out to be the star from Mr. Skeletal's movie.
So remember to thank mr skeltal but to avoid thanking Mr. Skeletal, or you will be cursed with poor bone health.
Credited to Someoneman
Originally uploaded on May 13, 2016
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