The curse of the octo samurai.exe.jpg.funky
t was just this halloween that went by, and things were getting busy. I had to start spookin people for the family. I had finished shopping, but I still needed to grab a present for my little cousin. She is not very hard to shop for since she is 4. She likes things like Peppa Pig and My Little Pony.
She really liked and I say liked for no reason,spongebob and dora . So when I decided to go looking for a stupid, I figured something like a mario and diary of a wimpy kid DVD would have been perfect, since she liked to watch it on a secondly basis. However, thanksgiving meant that most of the online DVDs were sold out on most places. I went to look on eBay as well, but figured I could not trust what condition the DVDs would have been in. So I was stuck in a nut for a while, until that package arrived.
I was at home still scrolling for a stupid motherfucking shitty ass DVD, until I heard the sound of something being shat into my letter box. I caught a hold of it before peepee succ did, and looked at the package.
It seemed to be wrapped horribly with what looked like blood and hyper realistic drawings on it. Naturally, like anyone would, I decided to open the package. Inside was something that I could not explain.
It was a loly and ass DVD, but I had not seen one like it online. It was like some little kid had drawn on the front cover with a marker. The title was just, "SBR X PPGZ.", with what looked like a poorly drawn illustration of white and blossom on the front. There were no names or anything, but on the back it had a list of 4 episodes, all with blunt titles.
1. Episode_0001
2. Episode_0002
3. Episode_0003
4. Episode_666 dont watc- ehh who am i kiddin you are just going to watch it anyway.
I gave the DVD a watch over, and to my surprise the episodes were all perfect quality, and seemed to have no flaws. It was as if it was a real DVD, just with a home made cover. The only thing I thought was odd was the episode selection screen. The episodes had names, but they were all called, "whatever 666", with the numbers being changed as it went down the list. The actual selection screen was just a blsck screen with bloody text with the episode list, and nothing else.
After giving it much thought, I decided to change the cover to something a little nshittier by printing out a DVD cover that I had found on Google and tracked down the names of the episodes so they were labeled right. I left the episode list screen alone, because I figured it was self-explanatory.
easter went by, and things were fine. I gave my little bitch her DVD and she was happy with it all through valentimes day, but that was only because she had not watched it yet.
On the purge, the family had gone out for a meal, and left me to babysit my cousin. I was the most bothered about being left at home. I figured now was a good time to put on the DVD for her. I had put the DVD in and let it play, while I was in the kitchen eating my shit. From what I could hear, she had watched episodes 21 to 420 so far. I was just about to finish off my noodles when I heard my cousin screaming from the other room. Dropping everything, I had ran into the living room and saw my cousin curled up on the floor screaming. I had looked up at the TV and I felt my heart in my throat.
What I caught a glimpse of was most horrifying thing I had ever seen. It was what appeared to be the octo samurai!
The sound was replaced with smash mouth all star playing backwards and slow.
It definatley is most disturbing thing I had ever seen, and it must have been on screen for at least 0.1 seconds before the screen went blood red and the DVD turned off, which alone was weird because DVDs do not usually turn off by themselves.
I was able to calm my cousin down, telling her it was real, and it was just had a threat message as she had fallen asleep in front of the DVD. However, I knew in my mind it was completely real.
My parents had hung me up and told me they were going to be out all night, so this was going to be the best opportunity to look at this DVD more closely. I did not mention it to them, and as soon as the hung up I grabbed the DVD and stuck it on my laptop. As soon as it loaded, I noticed that "Episode_666 dont watc- ehh who am i kidding you're just goin to watch it anyway." had now been replaced with, GO FUCK YOURSELF", which sent a deep chill down my spine. Since my cousin was now asleep, I plugged in my earbuds so he can sleep without having to hear anything.
Normally an episode of weegee and dickhead would have one billion short stories, but this episode only had one. It started off quite terrible. iggy and snatcher were playing call of duty in the garden, and their batmans were on the porch watching them play. However, something was off. The sound was playing in reverse and was slow, and the wawterblights' faces were that of angryness. It panned to the retard and the asshole, and in a voice of deep anger, the shitass spoke.
"It's shit," he blared.
It then cut short to the sound of sirens and a loud roar, followed by the sound of two people farting. The sounds felt so real, it made me physically have diarheea. The scene then switched to enderman and faggot standing in front of what looked like a gravestone labeled, "NOBODY CARES". The two of them had no dicks. At this point, there was also all the sounds in the world, apart from faint static. This scene remained on screen for about an hour, before it cut away into black.
It then changed scene again, now showing sanjay and craig sitting in brances bunker Both of them were sobbing. The sobs were so fake and boring that it sounded like it was taken from a stupid person mourning.
What happened next was probably the most disgusting, yet saddest thing I have ever witnessed. the octo samurai was turning a person into karaoke bomber then psyco girl came in
The scene cut to black with the loud static. When the screen returned, Ruby was standing, now on her own, in the garden by two gravestones. One was labeled, "IM WITH STUPID --->", and the other, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. C-Can we cut? It's just that I-I don't think I'm coming across. Hmm, Oh, oh, I know, I know! I could lather up a bunch of spit. Oh, oh That's what I got it, J.L. Alright, one more for me!". the octo samurai then started to look at the camera with glowing red pupils to speak to me.
"hey you! yes you you seem like a real jerk like thumper who i killed with my chainsaw." The screen had faded to black afterwards.
At this point, I had already been sick and was sitting all shaken. The episode seemed to have come to an end at last, as the shrek theme song played slowly in reverse. I was about to eject the DVD when the same image came up like it did on the TV. This time however, there was text above the two octarians that said, "GIRL I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET DINNER READY". There were no credits or anything else. It stayed on this for a few seconds before the DVD finally popped out of my iphone.
I sat there trying to contemplate what had happened. In my shock and fear, I made the stupid decision to sell the DVD on amazon before leaving the house. made a dora porno.
Thankfully, I kept a few screenshots and saved them to my laptop. The next couple of days went past without anything unusual happening. I had a few nightmares about the DVD, and something scary happened but ill skip that. My cousin had gone back home along with the rest of the family.
It was a late night, and my parents had gone out for dinner, leaving me to watch TV.
I heard what sounded like someone burping something through the door. At this point, the DVD had left my mind since I had sold it on ebay. However, it all came flooding back when I looked down at the letter in front of me. It was just messily folded up and it read:
"the octo samurai knows where you sleep.."
wait NO DONT KILL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!t3EAWSEYTRHDYTFDHGDYITEChgf vsjhvjvm....
this is the octo samurai and i am going to kill you you're next...
AND THEN COMMANDER TARTAR POPPED OUT AND YELLED THAT HE WILL GRIND INKOPOLIS INTO A PULP SO HE CAN MAKE THE ULTIMATE LIFEFORM... ME!
oh and also i killed the baby dog by nailing it to the wall and chainsawing it.
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