The most clichéd pasta ever written in the history of Trollpastas, Creepypastas, Spinpastas, Crappypastas, and Shitpastas.exe

This page was written to include every single cliché listed here. A similar pasta, The most cliched pasta in the history of Creepypastas, Crappypastas and Trollpastas.exe, does not list every single cliché, so I decided to take advantage of the opportunity. View at your discretion. Original idea goes to the author of the aforementioned trollpasta above. Thank you and enjoy your read.

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"6-ARMED KILLER ON THE LOOSE FOR 13 YEARS, LEFT 666 PEOPLE DEAD."

I know you're not going to believe this. I used to be a skeptic, but nothing you know about the truth is truly a reality, OK? I don't have much time to write this, I'm going to die soon. It's coming out to get me. I used to be normal when I believed that an incident that happened long ago involving the murder of my brother was over. Boy, was I wrong about that. This is a true story; this isn't a creepypasta, it actually happened. You have to believe me. Seriously, don't read this or you'll be cursed.

The incident began as a police shootout with a serial killer. The killer had abusive parents and people always bullied her at school until she found a way to eradicate them; by stabbing people to death. She would also dismember her victims, torture them, and then after they died, she would often cannibalize them, eating their heart and lungs before anything else.

The serial killer, anyway, pulled out a gun and shot at the officers. The bullet missed the officers, but it hit my brother in the throat. He died instantly and was pronounced dead on arrival after trying to take him to the hospital. In my brother's blood, the serial killer wrote out "NURTNACUOY". When spelled backwards, it says "YOUCANTRUN". Yesterday, I got an email that provided a URL to some download. I checked it out, and it said it was now downloading the PC version of... Sonic & Knuckles?! My God! I loved this game! I was so excited to play it, so after the download finished, I started up the game.

It showed a video of someone waking up in a lab chamber, then someone torturing the poor man before the game actually started up. The title screen appeared. Sonic looked normal, but Knuckles had hyper-realistic blood seeping out of his eyes, mouth, and ears. His smile stretched to his cheeks. He had razor-sharp canines. Knuckles didn't even have pupils. Just red irises and black outline. I shook it off as a glitch and started up the game.

I found that there was already a save state in the game, called "NO ESCAPE". I thought of this as nothing more but a morbid joke, so I decided to press forward. Then, I saw a demonic Sonic pop up on the screen. Was that Sonic.exe? Holy crap! A creepypasta character in a real Sonic game! I had no time to be in awe, as the game immediately put me into a stage called "DIE".

I was able to make Knuckles move left and right, but I could barely make him jump. Static appeared three times after a bit. After the second time, there was a number in the background that read "666 NO ESCAPE." I was startled, but something prevented me from shutting off the game. I wish I hadn't done that...

It then pulled up a debug box named "CLEVERBOT.zip". I thought this, too, was just a glitch, and decided to launch the application.

Cleverbot: Hello, player.

Me: Hello.
Cleverbot: Do you want to go outside with me?
Me: You're a bot, Cleverbot. Bots can't go outside.
Cleverbot: Oh, right. Forgive me. Anyway, how are you doing today?
Me: Good, how about you?
Cleverbot: I'm doing OK, thank you for asking me.
Me: Who's fucking with my PC? I've just gotten a shitty copy of a satanic Sonic & Knuckles game.
Cleverbot: ...
Me: Well?

Cleverbot: I AM KNUCKLES, YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR, BOW DOWN TO ME, MOR-

The conversation with Cleverbot abruptly ended. I was legitimately spooked at this point, but something kept me from walking away. My desktop wallpaper had changed to a realistic man hanging from a noose, his stomach cut open, his entrails piled under him. I wanted to throw up, and I wasn't able to obscure the image with other windows. In fact, the man looks like the exact same one I saw in the corner of my eye a few years ago. Anyway, I heard Knuckles' voice saying "I'D RATHER FLEX MY MUSCLES", which was his catchphrase, before it showed me red static and a "Game Over" screen with the Sonic CD game over music in the USA version of the game playing backwards. Instead of saying "Game Over", it said "DON'T LOOK BEHIND YOU!" I turned around, but nothing was there. I shrugged, before I was mauled by an evil domestic house cat. It seemingly came out of nowhere. "Get off of me!" I shouted before the cat finally let me go. I had claw marks all over my skin, but I wasn't letting a fucking kitten stop me.

But I saw a creepy doll. And it floated towards me. I ducked, and the doll missed me, flying through a window behind me. I was spooked, but I couldn't let this...mystery go unsolved. Especially now that I notice that a rather evil shadow was watching. Don't ask me how I know that; I have my ways.

Anyway, I decided to go back to the website where I got the download of Sonic & Knuckles, but the website no longer existed. The creator of the website went insane and killed anyone that got a copy of Sonic & Knuckles, before scribbling Russian text on the PC's screen with the victim's own blood. I was terrified, but I was determined to move on. The Sonic & Knuckles copy obviously had signs of tampering, as the action stages in the game looked like they were drawn by a 3-year old, but I thought this was just a glitch as well.

I tried destroying any trace of the ROM, but it kept reappearing in my hard drive, no matter how many times I tried to remove it. I was desperate to copy the ROM and post it on a forums website I often visited, but it wouldn't let me, claiming it had "perfect copy protection". I then heard a scream from the Sonic & Knuckles ROM that far exceeded the SEGA Genesis's technical limitations. There was even hidden content in Mushroom Hill Zone, with a demon's face staring blankly at you. When I first encountered it, it says "Your time is up, Kyle." Kyle?! How the fuck did it know my name!? I wanted to get to the bottom of this at this point. I tried exiting the game, but it wouldn't let me. The volume became deafeningly loud, and I couldn't turn the volume off, nor could I turn it down. Then, a message popped up, saying "This copy of Sonic & Knuckles was originally bought at a yard sale hosted by a man begging people to buy it. They claimed the game was about a dead relative, and that the game was created in his/her memory. Try reliving some childhood nostalgia with this excellent game!" I didn't even know what to feel anymore, so I just pressed the Enter key, hoping that there's still something more that I can use to my advantage.

In fact, I think the email that linked me to this Sonic & Knuckles download in the first place was on the forums I often visited, when a moderator private-messaged me about it.

Whatever. I didn't care. The game was now telling me to stop playing and destroy the game. What? Sonic seemingly begged me not to progress any further with the game. I desperately needed to play the game, regardless of the circumstances that stood before me. I turned around to find a bloody plush of Knuckles with bloodstains under it's eyes. I screamed and threw it out the window. When I lost a life in the game, suddenly, I blacked out.

I woke up about two minutes later to find that I actually wasn't dead, since Sonic had re-spawned for he still had some lives left, but Sonic now looked exactly like me. I was baffled. I decided to go to the bathroom, but I caught a glimpse of a supernatural entity in the mirror as I walked past it. I decided to glare at the mirror for a good 10 seconds before almost shitting my pants. I couldn't provide an explanation to why I can't provide evidence of the existence of this game, since I destroyed it a while ago. I will never play Sonic again.

I then found my old Pokémon Red cartridge and popped it into my Game Boy. I found a Pokémon in my party named "DEATH". I shrugged this off as a glitch and proceeded with the game. The Pokémon apparently had abandonment issues, as every move DEATH made was "Avengement for Abandonment!" Any Pokémon that stepped in DEATH's path would die in battle instead of fainting. Pokémon don't die, do they? Anyway, I entered Lavender Town, where I encountered a Pikachu from my party in Pokémon Yellow. I suddenly, after a demonic-sounding Pokémon cry erupted from my speakers, obtained a legendary, which killed all of my other Pokémon in my inventory. The legendary was only obtainable on Halloween of 1999. The legendary was a Ghost-type Pokémon, but it didn't spawn where it's supposed to. Whatever. All I cared is that I got a legendary. Someone, after 30 minutes, traded me. He requested my legendary for a Venusaur named "HATE". He was begging me to accept the trade, so I did just that. My game immediately crashed after the trade was completed. I restarted the game, only to find that a new Eeveelution had occurred in my party. An Umbreon somehow evolved into an Espeon. I thought it was a glitch and moved on.

Unown then appeared in my party. It claimed to have been in my party since the day I bought the game, even though I have no memories recalling the Pokémon. Then, Pikachu mauled the rest of my party apart, including DEATH and HATE, attaching bits of their flesh to its head. I then got a message in the mail system from my Pikachu. It was in Russian text that I didn't even bother to try to translate. A mutilated Pokémon suddenly appeared out of nowhere, blood seeping from every visible pore and sweat gland. GHOST then appeared, and used CURSE on all of my Pokémon. After that, the game crashed, but not before I caught a glimpse of the overworld sprites now covered in blood. I will never play Pokémon games again.

I decided to calm myself down with some SpongeBob SquarePants. I found a random VHS tape of an episode that I got from eBay in my basement. I used to be an intern at Nickelodeon Studios from 2001 to 2012, seeing many episodes for an intern. The title of the episode was "GOODBYE MR. KRABS". The episode originally aired in 2004. The first clip was of the Boston Marathon bombing in 2013. No one could have predicted that at the time, so how the fuck was it predicted here? I shook it off as me imagining things and moved on with the episode. There was static for most of the episode, but there were a few clips that were actually related.

Mr. Krabs killed SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Plankton, Sandy, and any other SpongeBob character you could think of. Mr. Krabs' eyes grew bloodshot, showing his insanity. At the very end of the episode, Mr. Krabs injects himself with a lethal dose of venom, dying shortly after the injection.

It also showed an image of a zalgofied Mr. Krabs before the screen cut to black. The episode was only shown in the remote area, somehow got past the FCC and Nickelodeon's Standards and Practices before being broadcast, and 75% of the target audience committed suicide after watching the episode. I tried to upload the video onto YouTube, only for it to get deleted within minutes. If you somehow find the tape, DO NOT watch it. The image of the man hanging with his entrails removed and stomach cut open that appeared in Sonic & Knuckles also appeared for only 1 frame at the very end of the episode. The producers and the editors of the show were sent to a mental asylum after the episode aired. I will never watch SpongeBob again.

There was also a theory I made up. In The Simpsons, all the characters are actually ghosts who haunt the place that they reside in; in this case, Springfield. All main characters died of asphyxiation during a house fire in 1994. The show was all in Homer Simpson's mind, the lone survivor of that fatal house fire. The fire was caused by a nuclear apocalypse, in which a stray bomb accidentally set off near the house. Homer is actually in Hell, all the things he does in the show is a reflection of his sins. I don't have any evidence to back this theory up, but I just know that it's right.

Wait, what's going on? Oh my goodness. NO! DON'T KILL ME! AHHH-

I am the narrator, but I am now possessed by the lord of the underworld, Satan himself. I've yet to torture every living soul on earth, but you will be next. Trust me.

Finally, a skeleton popped out.

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Written by SuperSonic1991
Content is available under CC BY-SA

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