User:BlazingShadow333/My Deleted Pastas Archive
Warning
May contain unfunny or cancerous shit, so don't read these stories unless you only care for funny stuff.
Currently unfinished, subjected to change if a story of mine gets deleted.
My Revenge Against the Duck Hunt Dog (Unfunny)
|
NSFW WARNING
This page is not safe for work or school. The content of this story is not suitable for some audiences, and may be inappropriate to view in some situations. |
I used to be one of those people who celebrated Throwback Thursday by playing classical Nintendo games, especially Duck Hunt. I was pretty good at the game except when there were times that I missed and that annoying-ass dog would start snickering at me like a prick.
But one day, I had the last straw. [[File:Duckhuntiwanttoshootdog.jpg|thumb|304x304px|My anger towards the dog every time I missed.]]
I missed a shot and the dog starts laughing at me, resulting in a game over. Enraged, I got my Colt pistol and my SPAS-12 shotgun and used magical powers to teleport into the Duck Hunt World.
When I entered the world, I got my gun ready, and the dog was waiting for me.
"Are you here to end me once and for all?" The dog asked.
"Fuck yea, I'll fucking gun you down until there's no solid part of what's left of you.
"LOL, cocksucking dumbass, good luck finding in this huge grass field!" and the dog ran off.
I met two ducks, a green mallard and a purple one. They shuddered in fear, assuming I was going to shoot them.
"Please don't hurt us, we have children!" They cried.
"Not now, I'm finishing this beagle fucker for being a cunt." I explained. 2 hours later, I found the dog jumping around the fields. I pull out my SPAS-12 shotty and aim at the dog.
[[File:Duckhuntlaughaway.jpg|centre|thumb|220x220px|My dream has come true.]] "EAT BUCKSHOT, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!" I shoot the dog, clean in the stomach.
I walk towards the dog, trembling in fear and bleeding a lot on the dirt. "Please.. I was only joking... Now that I think about it, it's not funny anymore.. Please, don't kill---"
"SHUT YO FATASS MOTHAFUCKING MOUTH, NOW EAT METAL, DICKSUCKER!" I blew the dog's head off, causing blood to splatter everywhere and his brain parts began flying.
"I return home with magic powers feeling satisfied with what I did... I find a bottle of Bacardi and drink it...
So the next time you play Duck Hunt and for some reason the dog doesn't appear, then you can blame that on me, but you should thank me for ending the clown once and for all...
Pokemon Extremely Scary Version (Purged)
The Story
Holy shiiiit. This is a really fucking scary story, so be careful.
This is a true story (because everything I say is always true) and I found this used Pokemon Y cartridge in the garbage because of plot contrivance, and the title was called Pokemon Extremely Scary Version. The Yveltal in the title screen had bloody and hyper-realistic eyes. I thought it was a glitch, so I ignored it. I started off in my house as usual, but no Professor Sycamore or no Fletchling to wake me up. My character was all dressed, instead of the chracter wakingup in his jammies. What was even scarier is that his name was Rick, which is my real name. He had 666 money, and the time said I spent 666 seconds on the game. It was probably another glitch, so I ignored it.
I went into the lab (which apparently is in my chracter's home town), and Professor Sycamore was waiting for me, and told me to pick a Pokemon. The Chespin said, "Do u want 2 love me?" but since I don't like choosing Grass-type starters, I chose Froakie, and the Chespin was angry and grabbed an Ak-74, and said "LIGHTS OUT, BITCH! YOU'RE A DEAD MOTHERFUCKER!" I flipped him off with my middle finger and pew-pewed him in the face with an M-16, with realistic blood and body parts flying everywhere. This must've been some really rare bug in the game, so I continued on.
My character was like "NOOOOOO, It took me forever to wash these clothes, and now they're fucking bloodyyyy" My Froakie was named 666youwilldie, and when my rival came to battle, I lost, because of plot contrivance once again, and the next scene, I was at the Lavender Tower (for some reason) and there were two gravestones: the grave of the Froakie and the grave of me. Professor Sycamore had a shotgun and said "You killed a fucking Pokemon... You shouldn't haven't done that... NOW EAT LEAD, YOU LITTLE SHITBAG!" he shoots me and my chracter, killing him and me, but I pasted in the story before I eventually bled to death.
Why Jeff the Killer is Retarded (Purged)
Before you continue on, if you are a Jeff the Killer fanboy or fangirl and/or get easily offended by people criticizing Jeff or the story, then please fuck off.
So, Jeff the Killer, that well-known serial killer who failed badly at being creepy and reiled too much on blood and gore got deleted from Creepypasta. Just read this and you'll understand, but spoilers of the story ahead, and it probably won't matter since most you guys may have read the story.
Jeff ultimately fails to kill a child, and police somehow can't catch him. Also, all of a fucking sudden, there's a flashback of Jeff's personal life.
Hold on. Why the fuck do they suddenly move in? Just because it's fancy doesn't mean you HAVE to move there. Liu appears to be of Chinese descent rescued by Jeff's family after being fucked up by the Chinese mafia.
Jeff ignores the weird feeling, even though it was a warning that bad shit may happen. And it fucking does.
Jeff as a result of ignoring the feeling, he and Liu gets assaulted by bullies. Since the kids have weapons, this is why Mature-rated games are sometimes frowned upon most parents with gaming kids under 17.
One long fucking paragraph of pointless fighting of the author trying to add intense action but failing.
Jeff tries to tell the truth, but Liu is a delusional retard by trying to prevent Jeff from going to Juvy, and he gets arrested instead... fuck you, Liu, it's your fucking fault that Jeff isn't in prison.
Couple days later, Jeff's mom is also a retard because she expects Jeff to be happy to be invited to a party after the shit that happened... way to go, if his mom never went to the party, the rest of the story would've never happened.
The party would've gone well, until the writer decided that the bullies will try to finish him off.
Apparently, 12 year olds are this aggressive and manslaughter crime is high wherever the hell Jeff lived in. Kids scream like little bitches and don't seem to enjoy pointless violence that makes you laugh because it's so fucking pathetic. Now all of a sudden, this is all Grand Theft Jeffrey. And for some reason, repeated punches can cause a sudden gush of a bloodbath from the chest, but not a really bad black bruise.
3 pointless paragraphs of recreation of Grand Theft Auto fights.
Ok, at this point where Keith burns Jeff, this is getting fucking dumb. How the fuck does Keith have a knife, a gun, AND a lighter? Does his parents know he does this? Are the bullies orphans that got kicked out for playing too much Manhunt or GTA V? What does it fucking take to be this bloodthirsty for a 12-14 year old?
Jeff ends up getting burned, and somehow, his skin turns white and not black and charred, Also, how does his hair not burn off and just burn black? If this pasta was actually logical, he would look like an avocado had sex with an older avacado. Fire for some reasons gives you permanant lipstick forever.
You don't suddenly go insane randomly like Jeff does. Maybe the flames damaged his brain, making him a mentally ill psychopath? Jeff doesn't feel any pain while carving his mouth into a smile thanks to his damaged nerves by the burn and ignores the fact that there is a good chance of infection. Jeff also while burning out his eyelids, has skill in it since it's hard to not to melt your eyes off while doing so, and ignores that eyelids exist for a reason, and it's to protect your eyes from dirt and dust particles from coming to your eyes, so he could end up blind.
He finally kills everyone. Great fucking ending.
Last but not least, he looks like a teenage girl who's wearing a hyper-realistic mask with interesting-looking contact lens, like she's prepared for some Halloween prank. It is a great example on how NOT to make a Photoshopped image.
Conclusion
Jeff's origin has no fucking logic. Don't make any more Jeff ripoffs, please, they're scaring me because they exist.
The Attack of the Spergy User (Cancer)
Some parts of the story is based off of true events, but only the part where the evil user vandalizes the page. He did say 1v1 me fucking mods, and another user from the past has bitched around at my talkpage, and it's also based off of crybaby users who complain about their stories being deleted.
I was a user in the TrollPasta wiki who visited this place daily and had a good laugh at great stories written to satirize CreepyPastas, and had fun.
But one day, there was a recently created pasta, created about 1 minute ago, and I decided to read it.
It was titled: The Scurriest story evar liek xpppppp.
The story had shitty grammar, was way too fucking short to create any plot, and relied on too many unfunny cliches. I requested a deletion on this cancerous piece of crap, and this was the only thing i saw in the story:
"so liek 1 dai i wuz liek being in duh hunted houze and skeleton popd out the enddd lolololol xpppppppppp"
So as usual, SOMEGUY deleted the story, and I checked my profile, but I found this in my talk page:
"u suk 4 being a tittyfuck and requesting delshun in my stury it was very spoky"
"Crybaby little fuck." I thought. But my talk page wasn't the only one he bitched over on. He went to SG's page and said,
"fuk u 4 deleting my page"
I was in chat, and that cunt came back, and said:
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"
ninto banned the motherfucker's ass and he later began vandalizing the unprotected stories, and put in:
"1v1 me fucking mods xppp u lil pussies" on all the pages he vandalized.
But suddenly, SG returned, and the user began to beg for mercy. But the moonman said: "TOP KEK MOTHERFUCKER" and banned the user, and he fell to his death.
All of the users cheered. SG became a hero, and everyone lived happil ever after. The End.
Theme: Don't be a dick or you'll die.
