Wjerd me dog?

I was home eating some mac n cheese with hot dogs in it (the good stuff) and I noticed that I had not seen my dog all morning.

"Where the fuck is dat jerk at?", I wondered aloud.

I continued stuffing my face with mac n cheese and washing it down with chocolate milk. That's when I remembered that I'm lactose intolerant!

My belly began to gurgle and churn and I felt like I swallowed a bag of rocks. Delicious cheese rocks but rocks none the less. I had to run to the bathroom but I wasn't in time. I started spewing violently from my flabby ass curtains. It was wet and chunky all over my Haines Her Ways and the bathroom floor. I tried to get control but it was no use. Then it happened: I slipped and fell.

As I writhed around the floor trying to find my footing, the smell was overwhelming. I fought the urge to vomit uncontrollably. When I finally got up I knew I needed to clean up. I was covered in shit. I showered yesterday so I didn't feel like doing it again and I decided to use some wet wipes. They worked pretty well and I got most of the creamy brown slop off of me. I was exhausted so I went to my room to lay down and relax.

As I pulled back my covers to get in my dawg barkked and lunged out from under dere. He was derr the hole time. DDatswyy I dednt see his stoopid asss all dae. Wen he bark I sheet agen n had heardt attakk ak ak ak. Naow em a spoopy gost.

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Credited to PoopymanV 

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