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Attack of the Bug-Eyed Coat Hanger: Difference between revisions
Attack of the Bug-Eyed Coat Hanger (view source)
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“Greetings earthling,” I heard a voice say. The spaceship's occupant was a female green alien who vaguely resembled Sarah Jessica Parker in her early thirties. She was clad in a white-and-pink sleeveless skintight shirt that left her navel exposed (presumably her race’s way of showing the inhabitants of other planets that she was born from a mother instead of thin air), an Egyptian collar necklace, a pink miniskirt, white ankle-length socks, and black Maryjane shoes with pink high heels (which could explain her pigeon-toed footing and the nickname that I gave her: Goody Two-Shoes). Her hair was hot pink and her eyes were as black as beetles with no irises or pupils. There was also a small silver device strapped onto her left arm by a pink band; it was a nerplex container (if you don’t know what nerplex is, go watch the ''My Favorite Martian'' movie and find out).
“I see you have developed an interest in my zoot suit,” flirted Goody Two-Shoes. “It’s skimpy so that you can see my ticklish armpits and cute little bellybutton, not to mention my lovely legs and my knobby knees, both of which are left exposed by these pretty white socks. Did I mention that I’m pigeon toed?” Speechless, I shook my head. “I see,” she continued, “suppose you want to see my expertise at
I stared in awe as the alien exploited her expertise at
Goody Two-Shoes was undergoing tickle torture as the coat hanger held her in place while pushing her bellybutton and tickling her loins, midriff, armpits, and kneepits with its now-dull fingers. It spotted me, discarded the alien, and approached me saying “stick your thumb up her nose, you melon-farming worthless thumb-sucker!” A rack of DC-15A laser rifles caught my eye. I grabbed one of those fancy sci-fi weapons, locked and loaded, and blasted away. The coat hanger appeared to be shocked by the loss of its arms.
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