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The coat hanger was back with its arms regenerated (although its hands were black this time around). I caught it in the act of shoving a bar of soap down my father’s throat. It turned its head to me and said “Your mother will be sucking stalagmites in the Inferno, Zimloki, you faithless slime!” Infuriated, I chased that coat hanger clear across the house until we got outside, where I took out an ax and hacked it to pieces. When I went back inside the house, I heard multiple wooden footsteps.
I looked out the window and saw a whole army of identical coat hangers marching towards the door, armed with Springfield M1903 rifles in Mannlicher-Schönauer carbine stocks with M1917 bayonets and Pedersen Devices. I called the police and they responded immediately, knowing that I wasn’t kidding due to the incidents that occurred the previous morning. IThey wasarrived suddenlywith grabbedtheir byLWRC aM6A1 giantand hand.Ruger ItAC556 wasrifles, connectedGlock to31 apistols, woodenTaurus dragonTracker thatModel resembled455 arevolvers, mixTaurus betweenMT-40 Ridleysubmachine fromguns, theRemington ''Metroid''870 Seriesshotguns, Remington 700PSS sniper rifles, and SolarisHeckler from& ''SonicKoch NextAG-Gen''C grenade launchers and commenced fire with little effort. WithA axSpecial stillWeapons inand handTactics team arrived with its arsenal of FN Five-seveN pistols, IFN swungBarracuda revolvers, atFN theP90 monster’ssubmachine armguns, causingFN itSLP toshotguns, FN F2000 and FN SCAR-H rifles, FN SSR sniper rifles, and FN GL-1 grenade launchers and commenced fire with dropsome meeffort. IThe gotNational upGuard onarrived mywith Colt feetM16 toand seeFN itFAL droppingrifles, Beretta the92FS axpistols, onSmith one& ofWesson itsModel own29 minionsrevolvers, cuttingHeckler it& inKoch halfMP5A3 tosubmachine letguns, itFranchi regenerateSPAS-12 intoshotguns, Knight’s twoArmament separateSR-25 coatsniper hangers.rifles, “WhatBrowning doM2HB youand wantFN Minimi machine guns, GE M134 miniguns, M67 hand grenades, Colt M203 grenade launchers, Milkor MGLs, Carl Gustav M2 rocket launchers, M2 Flamethrowers, M48 Patton tanks, M9 Bayonets, and sabers and fromcommenced fire me!”with Igreat shoutedeffort.
Between waves of armed personnel, I realized that the coat hanger was unable to regenerate properly after getting burned. One of the coat hangers had mutated into a huge wooden skeletal dragon. I shouted “what do you want from me!” The lead coat hanger revealed itself to be the ghost of a future Christian extremist who travelled back in time to prevent me from directing an animated movie that would unintentionally insult the Catholic Church.
“Your life,” the lead coat hanger replied as it looked down towards me. “You see, Zimloki, I am the ghost of a member of a future terrorist organization known as CZAR, the Christian Zealotry of America and Russia. We’ll be founded under the impression that nobody practices Christianity the way they used to because the Devil has corrupted the world. So, we’ll go out of our way to convert everyone through paramilitary force.”
Between waves of armed personnel, I realized that the coat hanger was unable to regenerate properly after getting burned. Peaking inside the ribcage of the lead coat hanger, I saw a red holographic head where the heart should be. Any projectile that touched it would go through it harmlessly. I asked God to give me a weapon that would be effective against ghosts. And by that, He gave me the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, the only weapon that could decimate whoever or whatever would touch it. ▼Confused by this revelation, I asked, “what does Christian extremism have to do with me?” The lead coat hanger replied, “You would direct an animated movie that would unintentionally insult the Catholic Church, depicting them as religious extremists. The controversy surrounding that film would open a can of worms, ranging from a holy war between these United States and the European Union, to national socialists blaming economic depressions on the Autism Spectrum, to a third world war. My goal is to prevent all of that from happening by going back in time to eradicate you, thus erasing that abomination of a cartoon flick from existence.”
I was dumbstruck. Me, a movie director? How would that be possible? Why would I cause so much offense towards anyone based on their religious faith? Wouldn’t I have the foggiest idea of what hornets’ nest I’d be stirring up in the future? None of this made sense to me!
My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the sound of gunshots; the police had finally arrived with their LWRC M6A1 and Ruger AC556 rifles, Glock 31 pistols, Taurus Tracker Model 455 revolvers, Taurus MT-40 submachine guns, Remington 870 shotguns, Remington 700PSS sniper rifles, and Heckler & Koch AG-C grenade launchers and commenced fire with little effort. A Special Weapons and Tactics team arrived with its arsenal of FN Five-seveN pistols, FN Barracuda revolvers, FN P90 submachine guns, FN SLP shotguns, FN F2000 and FN SCAR-H rifles, FN SSR sniper rifles, and FN GL-1 grenade launchers and commenced fire with some effort. The National Guard arrived with Colt M16 and FN FAL rifles, Beretta 92FS pistols, Smith & Wesson Model 29 revolvers, Heckler & Koch MP5A3 submachine guns, Franchi SPAS-12 shotguns, Knight’s Armament SR-25 sniper rifles, Browning M2HB and FN Minimi machine guns, GE M134 miniguns, M67 hand grenades, Colt M203 grenade launchers, Milkor MGLs, Carl Gustav M2 rocket launchers, M2 Flamethrowers, M48 Patton tanks, M9 Bayonets, and sabers and commenced fire with great effort.
▲Between waves of armed personnel, I realized that the coat hanger was unable to regenerate properly after getting burned. Peaking inside the ribcage of the lead coat hanger, I saw a red holographic head where the heart should be. Any projectile that touched it would go through it harmlessly. I asked God to give me a weapon that would be effective against ghosts. And by that, He gave me the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, the only weapon that could decimate whoever or whatever would touch it.
And the Lord spoke, saying “first thou shalt take out the Holy Pin. Then thou shalt count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four thou shalt not count, neither shalt thou count to two, excepting that thou shalt proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the magic number, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall sniff it.”
I did as the Lord had instructed me to do. I removed the Holy Pin, counted to three, and lobbed the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch at the core of the lead coat hanger, obliterating it. The army of living coat hangers stopped dead in its tracks and crumbled into dust. Every Sunday after that, I would go to church and come across a coat hanger identical to the one I had destroyed standing right next to the Clerk’s office. Thankfully, this one isn’t possessed by any ghost from the future.
{{By-cpwuser|Zimloki}}
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