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BOB.EXE: Difference between revisions
Undo revision 196342 by INE aka the toy bonnie (talk)
imported>INE aka the toy bonnie No edit summary |
imported>PeabodySam (Undo revision 196342 by INE aka the toy bonnie (talk)) |
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As I brought it inside the house and put it down on the kitchen table, I was expecting to find another unemployment check. Instead, much to my surprise, I found a CD case and a note. Even though it was written very messily as though its writer was in a hurry, I immediately recognized the handwriting on the note as belonging to my old friend and former fellow LEGO maniac, Jack.
''Zack,''
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The ''LEGO Universe'' logo no longer looked polished but now rusted. The white, bubbly clouds had vanished, and the blue gradient sky had turned red. The blue trees on the horizon turned black and looked like they had been burned, left bare to the blackened bark. The Nexus Astronaut was lying on the floor, which was no longer white but now resembled the scorched earth of a volcano, and the dragon stood over him with vicious intent. Down on the bottom of the screen, where it normally says "Copyright 2011, the LEGO Group", the year was replaced with 666. And there was BLOOD. Hyper-realistic BLOOD. BLOOD on the logo, BLOOD on the trees, BLOOD on the Nexus Astronaut, BLOOD on the floor, BLOOD dripping from the dragon's maw, BLOOD on the BLOOD... BLOOD!
But worst of all was Bob. He looked fairly normal, staring at me with a perpetual smile, but there was something horribly wrong about his normally-comforting smile... and there was BLOOD dripping from his empty black eyes.
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I wasn't worried. So what if there were a few graphical and auditory glitches? I was going to play ''LEGO Universe'' again, and I was going to play as Hael Storm and the other Faction Leaders! Without hesitation, I selected Hael Storm and pressed the blue arrow to continue... or rather, I would have pressed the blue arrow, but for some reason it was red. And when I clicked it, I could have sworn that I heard high-pitched laughter in the background, sounding almost like an echoing version of Bob's laughter.
The screen went black for a loose estimate of 9.896 seconds. Then, the loading screen popped up and said that my destination was the Venture Explorer. Now this was the first time I thought something was odd. Was Hael Storm's savefile really only on the tutorial level of the game? I also noticed that the Venture Explorer's artwork depicted the spaceship looking even more wrecked than I remembered it. I just assumed that this was one of those new files that it downloaded; probably some cool hyper-realistic graphics update that was never released thanks to ''LEGO Universe'''s cancellation.
When Hael Storm spawned on the Venture Explorer, the first thing I noticed was that the Venture Explorer's interior was also considerably more wrecked than I remembered it, with entire pieces of the walkway chewed up into pieces. The nearby pods of sleeping minifigures in suspended animation were cracked open, but the minifigures inside remained lifeless. At first, Jett Moonshot was nowhere to be seen, but then I found his body smashed into pieces in a pool of BLOOD. There were more suspicious pools of BLOOD coating the entire world. I wasn't sure what [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B0uRC-riDo the music] was, but like before, it sounded like it was played in reverse at 50% speed.
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But worst of all, the "Rebuild" option was not available. This especially irritated me because I thought that the game was glitched and I would have to restart in order to close the pop-up, which I already had to do enough times in beta testing and wasn't particularly eager to relive ''those'' memories.
Fortunately, after about 7.4259 seconds, the screen cut to black with Bob's laugh echoing in the background. Then, approximately 10.2651 seconds later, the game returned to the character select screen.
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The mission was to build a Satellite Beacon to call in a Sentinel Flight airstrike. I found one of the quick builds fairly quickly and assembled it. The Satellite Beacon made an unusual sound that sounded like an 8-bit version of Bob's laugh. Moments later, I heard the familiar sound of Sentinel Flight zooming overhead. However, instead of aiming for the nearby Stromlings and Stromling Mech, Sentinel Flight bombed Vanda Darkflame instead! She screamed as she was consumed in the explosion, and when the dust settled, there was nothing but a pool of BLOOD where she once stood. Bob's face flashed on-screen for nearly 0.31415926 seconds when this happened.
"Oh, come on!" I grumbled. "Do you really expect me to buy ''that''?"
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I'm just imagining how much money I could make by auctioning it off of eBay.
<h2>Round 2</h2>
''Read the OFFICIAL SEQUEL [[/Round 2|here]]''
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<h2>Videos</h2>
[[File:BOB.EXE (Trollpastas)|left]]{{Clear}}
[[Category:Satire]]
[[Category:Vidya games]]
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