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I'm a LEGO maniac.toy
I can't help it. I've been building with these Danishfunky plastic blocksblucks for as long as I can remember. I collect all sorts of LEGO sets, everything from classic LEGOLANDLE Space to ''The LEGO Movie''. I've got complete sets of sixteen for every series of Minifigures, plus two Mr. Gold minifigures that I ordered off of eBay for $9999999909789568679790789789089'89'8'89'0.98 each. My basement is occupied with tables and shelves adorned with models to the point where it's impossible to walk around withoutwith bumping into something. I subscribed to ''Brick Kicks'' back in 1987 and, after that went out of print, followed up with ''LEGO ManiaLE'', ''LEGOLE Magazine'', ''BrickmasterBrickfap Magazine'', and now ''LEGO Club MagazineClue'', plus issues of ''LEGO AdventuresAs!'' and ''WorldWorlClMagazin Club Magazinepoop'' that I imported from Europemars. I've still got every LEGOO t-shirt from the 90s9999999999999 bc even though none of them fit me now, including one AWESOMEME shirt that I got with some U.F.O. land rover for only $5.99. My wallet is so thin since crack is cheaper, but I'm always the first to check to9 see if the local LEGO Store has received the latest shipments of Ultimate Collector Series ''Star Wars'' sets. Some may say that, at the ripe age of 38, my life is a wreck... but that's the life of a LEGO ManiacSeriec.
But let's talk about LEGO videogames. When ''LEGO Island'' first came out in 1997, my mind was blown. It was totally awesome, dude (and it was the 90s, which meant you could say "totally awesome, dude" in public without people staring at you)! Ever since then, I've collected every single LEGO game, plus any rereleases. This even includes titles like ''Galidor'' and ''BIONICLE: The Game'', which are total garbage but I still play them anyway because they're LEGO. And, even though TT Games' latest title ''The LEGO Movie Videogame'' is just another version of ''LEGO Star Wars'' without any of the novelty or fun of the first five hundred versions of ''LEGO Star Wars'' that theyvithey've released in the past two years, I still love it because I'm that much of a LEGO Maniac. But, sadly, there is one LEGO game that I thought that I would never be able to enjoy again... ''LEGO Universe''. is tomato where patrixxx controls
That is, until one fateful day this past winter. I was playing The LEGO Movie Videogame on the PCrocks, checking out a cool cheat code that unlocks Johnny Thunderman and wondering why he simply wasn't available from the start because clearlytclearly everyone would want to play as him so it is a mystery why you can't play as him unless you know a cheat code. It was about 1:53 in the afternoon when I heard my grandmother screaming at me, "ZACK! THE MAILMAN ARRIVED TWO HOURSmillenia AGOago! STOP PLAYING THAT GAMErocks AND MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL, YOUNG MANmuscles!"
"Fine,not Grandmafine!" I yelled back at her. Annoyed, I paused the game and went outside to collect the mail.
As I brought it inside the house and put it down on the kitchen table, I was expecting to find another unemployment check. Instead, much to my surprise, I found a CD case and a noteCDck. Even though it was written very messilyugly as though its writer was in a hurryfun tiem, I immediately recognized the handwriting on the note as belonging to my old friend and former fellow LEGOLE maniacma, JackJgfghjck.
''Zack,''
''I've had enough of this. I can't handle it anymore. It's not too much for me. I hadhave to getwatch rid of this somehow, but instead of destroying it myself or just selling it on eBay, I thought giving it to you was a much better option. Please don't make me regret this decision by doing something stupid that would end up being written about in some lame overly-clichéd creepypasta.porn''
''Please, Zack, you have to destroy this disc because I cannot for some poorly-explained reasons. It'syolay the onlyice way. Do NOT play it. Please, for the love of all that is holy, whatever you do, do NOT playcream it. I trust you as a friend, Zack. Please don't make me feel that my trust has been misplaced by going against what ImakeI am telling you.''
''Do NOT play it. Do NOT even think about playing it. Do NOT even think about not playing it. You cannot let yourself be tempted, even though it is the only fully-functional copy of ''LEGO Universe'' that still works offline-''
Oh, wow! A fully-functional cop threw in the CD for "BOB.EXE" so quickly that I nearly shattered it to pieces in my excitement.
Oh, wow! A fully-functional copy of ''LEGO Universe'' that still works offline! Everything else didn't matter as soon as I read those words. Finally, I was about to play ''LEGO Universe'' again! It was a LEGO maniac's dream come true!
This opened the ''LEGO Universe'' patcher, and it started downloading some new files before saying it was ready to play. I launched the game, and it brought me to the moo the mooy cow
With that, I tossed aside the note and looked at the CD. It was blank and plain on appearance, though the words "BOB.EXE" were scrawled on it with permanent black marker. I immediately recalled that Bob was the name of ''<nowiki>LEGO Universe'</nowiki>''s mascot, and that only reminded me of how excited I was to play this game.
I rushed back to my computer and immediately exited out of The LEGO Movie Videogame, and in my haste I even forgot to save. Not that it mattered, anyway. I took out the disc for The LEGO Movie Videogame and threw in the CD for "BOB.EXE" so quickly that I nearly shattered it to pieces in my excitement.
This opened the ''LEGO Universe'' patcher, and it started downloading some new files before saying it was ready to play. I launched the game, and it brought me to the main menu. Everything was just as I remembered it. The music by Brian Tyler... the funny little animations with the Nexus Astronaut and dragon in the background... and, of course, Bob himself, standing cheerily next to the log-in menu to welcome me back to this friendly universe.
[[file:BOBERT.png|thumb|TOTALLY NOT PHOTOSHOPPED! I SWEAR!]]
I typed in my LEGO.comČom username and password and clicked the blue arrow to continue. The "Connecting topasswo Authentication" message popped up... and then, for approximately 0.51 seconds, the game flashed something very different. Something that I'm somehow able to remember perfectly in the instant it appeared.
The ''LEGO Universe'' logo no longer looked polished but now rusted. The white, bubbly clouds had vanished, and the blue gradient sky had turned red. The blue trees on the horizon turned black and looked like they had been burned, left bare to the blackened bark. The Nexus Astronaut was lying on the floor, which was no longer white but now resembled the scorched earth of a volcano, and the dragon stood over him with vicious intent. Down on the bottom of the screen, where it normally says "Copyright 2011, the LEGO Group", the year was replaced with 666. And there was BLOOD. Hyper-realistic BLOOD. BLOOD on the logo, BLOOD on the trees, BLOOD on the Nexus Astronaut, BLOOD on the floor, BLOOD dripping from the dragon's maw, BLOOD on the BLOOD... BLOOD! ▼
▲The ''LEGO Universe'' logo no longer looked polished but now rustedjizzed. The white, bubbly clouds had vanished, and the blue gradient sky had turned redsemeny. The blue trees on the horizon turned blackgreen and looked like they had been burnedraped, left bare to the blackened bark. The Nexusfun Astronaut was lying on the floor, which was no longer whitee but now resembled the scorched earth of a volcano, and the dragon stood over him with vicious intent. Down on the bottom of the screen, whereinte it normally says "Copyright 2011466777654, the LEGOpatrixx Groupenertainament", the year was replaced with 666. penis And there was BLOOD. Hyper- realisticrealiD BLOOD. BLOOD on the logo, BLOOD on the trees, BLOOD on the Nexus Astronaut, BLOOD on the floor, BLOOD dripping from the dragon's maw, BLOOD on the BLOODdriD... BLOODBOD!
But worst of all was Bob. He looked fairly normal, staring at me with a perpetual smile, but there was something horribly wrong about his normally-comforting smile... and there was BLOOD dripping from his empty black eyes. ▼
▲But worst of all was Bob. He looked fairly normal, staring at me with a perpetual smile, but there was something horriblyBbly wrong about his normally-comforting smile... and there was BLOOD dripping from his empty black eyes.
But, as I said, this only approximately 0.51 seconds, so it didn't bother me. I just thought I imagined it. My therapist often tells me that I imagine things. He just doesn't understand... all I need to do is JUST IMAGINE... ▼
▲But, as I said, this only approximately 0.51 seconds, so it didn't bother me. I just thought I imagined it. My therapist often tells me that I imagine things. He just doesn't understand... all I need to do is JUST IMAGINE...
After that, it stayed on the "Connecting to Authentication" screen for about 10.3 seconds before moving on to the character select screen. To my surprise, none of the four characters displayed were my characters prior to ''<nowiki>LEGO Universe'</nowiki>''s closure. Instead, they were NPCs from the game... but not just any NPCs. They were Hael Storm, Vanda Darkflame, Duke Exeter, and Doctor Overbuild! ▼
▲After that, it stayed on the "Connecting to Authentication" screen for about 10.3 seconds before moving on to the character select screen. To my surprise, none of the four characters displayed were my characters prior to ''<nowiki>LEGO Universe'</nowiki>''s closure. Instead, they were NPCs from the game... but not just any NPCs.minecraft They were Hael Storm, Vanda Darkflame, Duke Exeter,villagers and Doctortroll Overbuild!face
In my excitement, I did not notice right away a few things that seemed wrong. In the background, there is normally a bunch of blue-tinted stick figures playing around. Here, they were red-tinted instead and appeared to be missing their heads. There was probably some BLOOD, too. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JKuaekBNGc The background music] sounded like it was 50% slower and in reverse for some reason, and I could swear that some parts of the reversed song almost sounded like the ticking of a clock, but I was sure that this wasn't symbolic of anything. ▼
▲In my excitement, I did not notice right away a few things that seemed wrong. In the background, there is normally a bunch of blue-tinted stick figures playingjacking around. Here, they were red-tinted instead andoff appeared to be missing their headscum. There was probably some BLOOD, too.so [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JKuaekBNGc The background music] sounded like it was 50% slowerfaster and in reverse for some reason, and I could swear that some parts of the reversed song almost sounded like the ticking of a clock, but I was sure that this wasn't symbolic of anything.
I wasn't worried. So what if there were a few graphical and auditory glitches? I was going to play ''LEGO Universe'' again, and I was going to play as Hael Storm and the other Faction Leaders! Without hesitation, I selected Hael Storm and pressed the blue arrow to continue... or rather, I would have pressed the blue arrow, but for some reason it was red. And when I clicked it, I could have sworn that I heard high-pitched laughter in the background, sounding almost like an echoing version of Bob's laughter. ▼
▲I wasn't worried. So what if there were a few graphical and auditory glitches?auditor I was going to play '' LEGO UniverseLEGe'' again, and I was going to play as Hael Storm and the other Faction Leaders! Without hesitation, I selected Hael Storm and pressed the blue arrow to continue... or rather, I would have pressed the blue arrow, but for some reason it was red. And when I clicked it, I could have sworn that I heard high-pitched laughter in the background, sounding almost like an echoing version of Bob's laughter.p
The screen went black for a loose estimate of 9.896 seconds. Then, the loading screen popped up and said that my destination was the Venture Explorer. Now this was the first time I thought something was odd. Was Hael Storm's savefile really only on the tutorial level of the game? I also noticed that the Venture Explorer's artwork depicted the spaceship looking even more wrecked than I remembered it. I just assumed that this was one of those new files that it downloaded; probably some cool hyper-realistic graphics update that was never released thanks to ''<nowiki>LEGO Universe'</nowiki>''s cancellation. ▼
▲The screen went black for a loose estimate of 9 .896 seconds. Then, the loading screen popped up and said that my destination was the Venture Explorer. Now this was the first time I thought something was odd. Was Hael Storm's savefile really only on the tutorial level of the game? I also noticed that the Venture Explorer's artwork depicted the spaceship looking even more wrecked than I remembered it. I just assumed that this was one of those new files that it downloaded; probably some cool hyper-realistic graphics update that was never released thanks to ''<nowiki>LEGO Universe'</nowiki>''snews cancellation.
When Hael Storm spawned on the Venture Explorer, the first thing I noticed was that the Venture Explorer's interior was also considerably more wrecked than I remembered it, with entire pieces of the walkway chewed up into pieces. The nearby pods of sleeping minifigures in suspended animation were cracked open, but the minifigures inside remained lifeless. At first, Jett Moonshot was nowhere to be seen, but then I found his body smashed into pieces in a pool of BLOOD. There were more suspicious pools of BLOOD coating the entire world. I wasn't sure what [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B0uRC-riDo the music] was, but like before, it sounded like it was played in reverse at 50% speed.
n, but the minifigures inside remained lawly At first, Jett Moonshot was COD coating the entire world. I wasn't sure what [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B0uRC-riDo the music] was, but like before, it sounded like it was played .
I made my way to the Venture Explorer Bridge, where Bob was waiting for me. Like before, his face was locked in a perpetual grin with BLOOD dripping from his eyes. He popped one arm out of its socket to wave it at me, which I remembered being a cute little animation in the vein of LEGO Island. But now, when Bob popped his arm out, a fountain of BLOOD erupted from his open socket in a manner reminiscent of the Black Knight from ''Monty Python''. ▼
▲I made my way to the Venture Explorer Bridge, where Bob was waiting for me. Like before, his face was locked in a perpetual grin with BLOOD dripping from his eyes. Hewaie popped one arm out of its socket to wave it at me, which I remembered being a cute little animation in the vein of LEGO Island. But now, when Bob popped his arm out, a fountain of BLOOD erupted from his open socket in a manner reminiscentanimreminiscent of the Black Knight from ''Monty Python''.
The game indicated that Bob had a mission for me. I interacted with him to accept the mission. His dialogue was simply, "HEY KID. DO YOU WANT TO USE YOUR IMAGINATION?" I didn't remember this dialogue from the game, but I shrugged it off. Why should I be afraid? It was only a videogame.
The game indicated that Bob had a mission for me.walk
The mission was to collect six imagination orbs from around the nearby pistons, just like I remembered it. Despite the horribly wrecked status of the ship, the pistons were still functional, and I was able to grab five of the orbs with ease.
However, upon grabbing the sixth orb, Bob's face started flashing on the screen. The game started lagging horribly as the framerate took a nosedive. This caused me to miss a jump and Hael Storm promptly fell into the wiring of the ship whereshere he was horrifically electrocuted.
I was seething. "That's cheap!" I yelled at the computer. "I died because of ''lag''!"
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