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I'm a LEGO toymaniac.
 
I can't help it. I've been building with these funkyDanish plastic blucksblocks for as long as I can remember. I collect all sorts of LEGO sets, everything from classic LELEGOLAND Space to ''The LEGO Movie''. I've got complete sets of sixteen for every series of Minifigures, plus two Mr. Gold minifigures that I ordered off of eBay for $999909789568679790789789089'89'8'89'09999.98 each. My basement is occupied with tables and shelves adorned with models to the point where it's impossible to walk around withwithout bumping into something. I subscribed to ''Brick Kicks'' back in 1987 and, after that went out of print, followed up with ''LELEGO Mania'', ''LELEGO Magazine'', ''BrickfapBrickmaster Magazine'', and now ''LEGO ClueClub Magazine'', plus issues of ''LEGO AsAdventures!'' and ''WorlClMagazinWorld poopClub Magazine'' that I imported from marsEurope. I've still got Oevery LEGO t-shirt from the 9999999999999 bc90s even though none of them fit me now, including one MEAWESOME shirt that I got with some U.F.O. land rover for only $5.999. My wallet is so thin since crack is cheaper, but I'm always the first to check to see if the local LEGO Store has received the latest shipments of Ultimate Collector SeriecSeries ''Star Wars'' sets. Some may say that, at the ripe age of 38, my life is a wreck... but that's the life of a LEGO Maniac.
 
But let's talk about LEGO vitheyvideogames. When ''LEGO Island'' first came out in 1997, my mind was blown. It was totally awesome, dude (and it was the 90s, which meant you could say "totally awesome, dude" in public without people staring at you)! Ever since then, I've collected every single LEGO game, plus any rereleases. This even includes titles like ''Galidor'' and ''BIONICLE: The Game'', which are total garbage but I still play them anyway because they're LEGO. And, even though TT Games' latest title ''The LEGO Movie Videogame'' is just another version of ''LEGO Star Wars'' without any of the novelty or fun of the first five hundred versions of ''LEGO Star Wars'' that they've released in the past two years, I still love it because I'm that much of a LEGO Maniac. But, sadly, there is one LEGO game that I thought that I would never be able to enjoy again... ''LEGO Universe''. is tomato where patrixxx controls
 
That is, until one fateful day this past winter. I was playing The LEGO Movie Videogame on the rocksPC, checking out a cool cheat code that unlocks manJohnny Thunder and wondering why he simply wasn't available from tclearlythe start because clearly everyone would want to play as him so it is a mystery why you can't play as him unless you know a cheat code. It was about 1:53 in the afternoon when I heard my grandmother screaming at me, "ZACK! THE MAILMAN ARRIVED TWO milleniaHOURS agoAGO! STOP PLAYING THAT rocksGAME AND MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL, YOUNG musclesMAN!"
 
"notFine, fineGrandma!" I yelled back at her. Annoyed, I paused the game and went outside to collect the mail.
 
As I brought it inside the house and put it down on the kitchen table, I was expecting to find another unemployment check. Instead, much to my surprise, I found a CDckCD case and a note. Even though it was written very uglymessily as though its writer was in a fun tiemhurry, I immediately recognized the handwriting on the note as belonging to my old friend and former fellow LELEGO mamaniac, JgfghjckJack.
 
''Zack,''
 
''I've had enough of this. I can't handle it anymore. It's not too much for me. I havehad to watchget pornrid of this somehow, but instead of destroying it myself or just selling it on eBay, I thought giving it to you was a much better option. Please don't make me regret this decision by doing something stupid that would end up being written about in some lame overly-clichéd creepypasta.''
 
''Please, Zack, yolayyou have to destroy this disc because I cannot for some poorly-explained reasons. It's the iceonly creamway. Do NOT play it. Please, for the love of all that is holy, whatever you do, do NOT play it. I trust you as a friend, Zack. Please don't makeImake me feel that my trust has been misplaced by going against what I am telling you.''
 
''Do NOT play it. Do NOT even think about playing it. Do NOT even think about not playing it. You cannot let yourself be tempted, even though it is the only fully-functional copy of ''LEGO Universe'' that still works offline-''
 
Oh, wow! A fully-functional copy of ''LEGO Universe'' that still works offline! Everything else didn't matter as soon as I read those words. Finally, I was about to play ''LEGO Universe'' again! It was a LEGO maniac's dream come true!
Oh, wow! A fully-functional cop threw in the CD for "BOB.EXE" so quickly that I nearly shattered it to pieces in my excitement.
 
With that, I tossed aside the note and looked at the CD. It was blank and plain on appearance, though the words "BOB.EXE" were scrawled on it with permanent black marker. I immediately recalled that Bob was the name of ''LEGO Universe'''s mascot, and that only reminded me of how excited I was to play this game.
This opened the ''LEGO Universe'' patcher, and it started downloading some new files before saying it was ready to play. I launched the game, and it brought me to the moo the mooy cow
 
I rushed back to my computer and immediately exited out of The LEGO Movie Videogame, and in my haste I even forgot to save. Not that it mattered, anyway. I took out the disc for The LEGO Movie Videogame and threw in the CD for "BOB.EXE" so quickly that I nearly shattered it to pieces in my excitement.
 
This opened the ''LEGO Universe'' patcher, and it started downloading some new files before saying it was ready to play. I launched the game, and it brought me to the main menu. Everything was just as I remembered it. The music by Brian Tyler... the funny little animations with the Nexus Astronaut and dragon in the background... and, of course, Bob himself, standing cheerily next to the log-in menu to welcome me back to this friendly universe.
[[file:BOBERT.png|thumb|TOTALLY NOT PHOTOSHOPPED! I SWEAR!]]
I typed in my LEGO.Čomcom username and passwopassword and clicked the blue arrow to continue. The "Connecting to Authentication" message popped up... and then, for approximately 0.51 seconds, the game flashed something very different. Something that I'm somehow able to remember perfectly in the instant it appeared.
 
The ''LEGO Universe'' logo no longer looked polished but now jizzedrusted. The white, bubbly clouds had vanished, and the blue gradient sky had turned semenyred. The blue trees on the horizon turned greenblack and looked like they had been rapedburned, left bare to the blackened bark. The funNexus Astronaut was lying on the floor, which was no longer ewhite but now resembled the scorched earth of a volcano, and the dragon stood over him with vicious inteintent. Down on the bottom of the screen, where it normally says "Copyright 4667776542011, the patrixxLEGO enertainamentGroup", the year was replaced with penis666. And there was BLOOD. Hyper-realiDrealistic driDBLOOD. BLOOD on the logo, BLOOD on the trees, BLOOD on the Nexus Astronaut, BLOOD on the floor, BLOOD dripping from the dragon's maw, BLOOD on the BLOOD... BODBLOOD!▼
 
But worst of all was BblyBob. He looked fairly normal, staring at me with a perpetual smile, but there was something horribly wrong about his normally-comforting smile... and there was BLOOD dripping from his empty black eyes.▼
▲The ''LEGO Universe'' logo no longer looked polished but now jizzed. The white, bubbly clouds had vanished, and the blue gradient sky had turned semeny. The blue trees on the horizon turned green and looked like they had been raped, left bare to the blackened bark. The fun Astronaut was lying on the floor, which was no longer e but now resembled the volcano, and the dragon over him with vicious inte it normally says "Copyright 466777654, the patrixx enertainament", the year was replaced with penis And there was BLOOD. Hyper-realiD driD... BOD!
 
But, as I said, this only approximately 0.51 seconds, so it didn't bother me. I just thought I imagined it. My therapist often tells me that I imagine things. He just doesn't understand... all I need to do is JUST IMAGINE...▼
▲But worst of all was Bbly wrong about his normally-comforting smile... and there was BLOOD dripping from his empty black eyes.
 
After that, it stayed on the "Connecting to Authentication" screen for about 10.3 seconds before moving on to the character select screen. To my surprise, none of the four characters displayed were my characters prior to ''<nowiki>LEGO Universe'</nowiki>''s closure. Instead, they were NPCs from the game... but not just any minecraftNPCs. villagers They were Hael Storm, Vanda Darkflame, Duke Exeter, and trollDoctor faceOverbuild!▼
▲But, as I said, this only approximately 51 seconds, so it didn't bother me. I just thought I imagined it. My therapist often tells me that I imagine things. He just doesn't understand... all I need to do is JUST IMAGINE...
 
In my excitement, I did not notice right away a few things that seemed wrong. In the background, there is normally a bunch of blue-tinted stick figures jackingplaying offaround. Here, they were red-tinted instead and appeared to be missing their cumheads. There was probably sosome BLOOD, too. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JKuaekBNGc The background music] sounded like it was 50% fasterslower and in reverse for some reason, and I could swear that some parts of the reversed song almost sounded like the ticking of a clock, but I was sure that this wasn't symbolic of anything.▼
▲After that, it stayed on the "Connecting to Authentication" screen for about 10.3 seconds before moving on to the character select screen. To my surprise, none of the four characters displayed were my characters prior to ''<nowiki>LEGO Universe'</nowiki>''s closure. Instead, they were NPCs from the game... but not just any minecraft villagers and troll face
 
I wasn't worried. So what if there were a few graphical and auditorauditory glitches? I was going to play ''LEGeLEGO Universe'' again, and I was going to play as Hael Storm and the other Faction Leaders! Without hesitation, I selected Hael Storm and pressed the blue arrow to continue... or rather, I would have ppressed the blue arrow, but for some reason it was red. And when I clicked it, I could have sworn that I heard high-pitched laughter in the background, sounding almost like an echoing version of Bob's laughter.▼
▲In my excitement, I did not notice right away a few things that seemed wrong. In the background, there is normally a bunch of blue-tinted stick figures jacking off appeared to be missing their cum. There was probably so [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JKuaekBNGc The background music] sounded like it was faster and in reverse for some reason, and I could swear that some parts of the reversed song almost sounded like the ticking of a clock, but I was sure that this wasn't symbolic of anything.
 
The screen went black for a loose estimate of 9.896 seconds. Then, the loading screen popped up and said that my destination was the Venture Explorer. Now this was the first time I thought something was odd. Was Hael Storm's savefile really only on the tutorial level of the game? I also noticed that the Venture Explorer's artwork depicted the spaceship looking even more wrecked than I remembered it. I just assumed that this was one of those newsnew files that it downloaded; probably some cool hyper-realistic graphics update that was never released thanks to ''LEGO Universe'''s cancellation.▼
▲I wasn't worried. So what if there were a few graphical and auditor I was going to play ''LEGe'' again, and I was going to play as Hael Storm and the other Faction Leaders! Without hesitation, I selected Hael Storm and pressed the blue arrow to continue... or rather, I would have p
 
When Hael Storm spawned on the Venture Explorer, the first thing I noticed was that the Venture Explorer's interior was also considerably more wrecked than I remembered it, with entire pieces of the walkway chewed up into pieces. The nearby pods of sleeping minifigures in suspended animation were cracked open, but the minifigures inside remained lifeless. At first, Jett Moonshot was nowhere to be seen, but then I found his body smashed into pieces in a pool of BLOOD. There were more suspicious pools of BLOOD coating the entire world. I wasn't sure what [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B0uRC-riDo the music] was, but like before, it sounded like it was played in reverse at 50% speed.
▲The screen went black for a loose estimate of 9 seconds. Then, the loading screen popped up and said that my destination was the Venture Explorer. Now this was the first time I thought something was odd. Was Hael Storm's savefile really only on the tutorial level of the game? I also noticed that the Venture Explorer's artwork depicted the spaceship looking even more wrecked than I remembered it. I just assumed that this was one of those news cancellation.
 
I made my way to the Venture Explorer Bridge, where Bob was waiewaiting for me. Like before, his face was locked in a perpetual grin with BLOOD dripping from his eyes. He popped one arm out of its socket to wave it at me, which I remembered being a cute little animreminiscentanimation in the vein of LEGO Island. But now, when Bob popped his arm out, a fountain of BLOOD erupted from his open socket in a manner reminiscent of the Black Knight from ''Monty Python''.▼
n, but the minifigures inside remained lawly At first, Jett Moonshot was COD coating the entire world. I wasn't sure what [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-B0uRC-riDo the music] was, but like before, it sounded like it was played .
 
The game indicated that Bob had a mission for me. I interacted with him to accept the mission. His dialogue was simply, "HEY KID. DO YOU WANT TO USE YOUR IMAGINATION?" I didn't remember this dialogue from the game, but I shrugged it off. Why should I be afraid? It was only a videogame.
▲I made my way to the Venture Explorer Bridge, where Bob was waie popped one arm out of its socket to wave it at me, which I remembered being a cute little animreminiscent of the Black Knight from ''Monty Python''.
 
The mission was to collect six imagination orbs from around the nearby pistons, just like I remembered it. Despite the horribly wrecked status of the ship, the pistons were still functional, and I was able to grab five of the orbs with ease.
The game indicated that Bob had a mission for me.walk
 
However, upon grabbing the sixth orb, Bob's face sherestarted flashing on the screen. The game started lagging horribly as the framerate took a nosedive. This caused me to miss a jump and Hael Storm promptly fell into the wiring of the ship where he was horrifically electrocuted.
 
I was seething. "That's cheap!" I yelled at the computer. "I died because of ''lag''!"
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''"EXCUSE ME," growled Bob, "I'M TRYING TO BE SUPER CREEPY RIGHT NOW. YOU GUYS ARE RUINING THE SPOOKY ATMOSPHERE!"''
 
''But it was too late. I realized that Bob had no power over me. It was all just a a a a a a adream. And when you know you're dreaming... you can take the dream in any direction you want.even to patrixxx house''
[[File:ALonelyPotatoScreamed.png|thumb|SPOOKY SCARY POTATOES!]]
''With a sly chuckle, I snapped my fingers, and Bob turned into a potato. I then took off in flight like Superman and went on all sorts of zany psychedelic dream adventures full of pink elephants and shapeshifting dragons; an elderly interdimensional ruler who believed in literal blind justice; a cult of people who were accidentally worshipping Unikitty; a bunch of ghosts arguing over whose house they were haunting; some mischievous gremlins who were backing up the sewage pipes; and a LEGO Store that had every single LEGO set, including those that don't even exist, but always smelled musty for some reason. Everything was awesome.''
Line 117 ⟶ 123:
I woke up from my nap several hours later. "Wow," I thought aloud, "that was a pointless." Then, like nothing ever happened, I got off the couch, returned to the computer, and continued playing BOB.EXE.
 
Just like he appeared in my dream, Duke Exeter was depressed, desaturated, and crying BLOOD. He was no longer playable either. I could tell that there was a predictable pattern forming, but since I was bored and had nothing better to do, I decided to select the final playable character: Doctor Overbuild. As I expected, clicking the red arrow caused Bob to laugh and the screen to cut to black for about 9 lolipop.79035834961 seconds. Once again, the destination was myAvant houseGardens.
 
Doctor Overbuild spawned at the base of Assembly Monument. The monument appeared to be on the verge of collapse and did not look very well-maintained compared to its normal appearance. It was also covered with dead birds and BLOOD. Rusty Steele was horribly maimed and lying in a pooppool of BLOOD, but by this point I was so used to seeing this sort of imagery that I was completely desensitized. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1umLkNSVqY The background music] was played at 50% speed and in so fast it was chipmunk high on weedreverse, which by now was nothing new. Essentially, anything that might have been mildly unnerving in the first five minutes was now just boring and rehashed formula.
 
As I expected, it was Bob who stood where Rusty normally would stand, offering a mission. This time, although Bob was still grinning and still had BLOOD dripping from his eyes, his demeanor seemed a little angrier than before. I guess he wanted revenge for being turned into a potato in my dream. When I interacted with him, his mission text simply said, "YOU CANNOT BEAT ME."
Line 139 ⟶ 145:
The image showed a hyper-realistic version of Bob standing in the void of the Maelstrom. It was so hyper-realistic, you could make out every wrinkle on his yellow skin and every crease and fold on his red shirt. On the proportions of a LEGO minifigure, this hyper-realism fell straight into the territory of uncanny valley.
 
And his face...
.
 
His wide, empty, pitch-black hyper-realistic eyes, with hyper-realistic BLOOD gushing from them, were staring right at me, right through the fourth wall of the game. He grinned like a hyper-reithrealistic psychotic murderer, with the edges of his hyper-realistic lips stretching past his hyper-realistic skull and revealing crooked hyper-realistic teeth resting in a hyper-realistic void of black emptiness, and his hyper-realistic teeth were freshly caked with hyper-realistic BLOOD.
 
I could do nothing but stare at this gruesome image for approximately 30.2859385719385 seconds. Then, as Bob's laugh echoed in the background, horrible and demonic, text appeared super-imposed on this image...
 
'''''"I AM skeletonBOB."'''''
 
I was too shocked to speak and simply stared at this message in horror.
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Then, it turned out that I didn't need to shut the game off myself, because my computer spontaneously shut off on its own. I couldn't turn it back on, so I started muttering curses under my breath because now I'm pretty sure that this game was so bad that it broke my computer.
 
I turned around and pulled out my cell phone to call the local computer raperepair shop. Then, I heard a voice right behind me, barely louder than a lickwhisper...
 
"JUST IMAGINE..."
ok we will slurp your pc butt
 
I turned around again to see where the voice came from, and what I saw... sitting on my computer desk... staring right at me... was a evilBob patrixxxminifigure, smiling with hyperBLOOD realisticunder lookzits eyes.
 
I'm just imagining how much money I could make by auctioning it off of eBay.
.and then hyper realistic skeleton popped out with bob clothes and the end and then evil patrixxx ate my pc the end[[Category:Satire]][[Category:Vidya games]][[Category:File Extensions]][[Category:Hyper-realistic]][[Category:Blatant Ripoffs]][[Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck]][[Category:Shok ending]][[Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.]][[Category:Well, that was pointless.]][[Category:Crappy ms paint drawings]][[Category:POINTLESS VIOLENCE TOTALLY MAKES IT SCARY U GUIZE]][[Category:MOTHER OF FUCK THIS PAGE IS LONG LIKE MY PAINIS]][[Category:Stupid is as the main character does]]
[[Category:Satire]]
[[Category:Vidya games]]
[[Category:File Extensions]]
[[Category:Hyper-realistic]]
[[Category:Blatant Ripoffs]]
[[Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck]]
[[Category:Shok ending]]
[[Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.]]
[[Category:Well, that was pointless.]]
[[Category:Crappy ms paint drawings]]
[[Category:POINTLESS VIOLENCE TOTALLY MAKES IT SCARY U GUIZE]]
[[Category:MOTHER OF FUCK THIS PAGE IS LONG LIKE MY PAINIS]]
[[Category:Stupid is as the main character does]]
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