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Banish Commercials 5ever!: Difference between revisions
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This is a ritual which can be performed in order to make it so your favorite TV shows are never again interrupted by annoying ads! This is a very dangerous ritual and can result in terrible consequences if done incorrectly. Try at your own risk!
===What you need:===
# A recording of an episode of your favorite show. DVDs and VHS tapes work, as do VCDs, flash drives, SD cards, film canisters, LaserDiscs, iPods, and most other video storage media. However for best results obtain the episode on a BetaMax cassette.
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#A cup of butterscotch pudding (not required, but strongly recommended!)'
#A shovel, spade, trowel, or other digging tool.
#3 drops of blood (at least) from a bi-curious alligator. It cannot be stressed enough that the alligator much be bi-curious. It can be male, or female, and a virgin or not, but if it has had carnal knowledge of another alligator, that beast
#Gather all the required supplies listed above, and travel to a relatively secluded place. Areas in nature work the best, but abandoned buildings, or hideaways will work as well.
#Using the spade, dig a hole large enough to fit your copy of the TV show you wish to banish commercials from, and at least 4 feet deep.
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#With one of the candles in your anus (i.e. booty-hole) kneel in front of the other candle which should remain burning. It this candle flickers or goes out, you must re-light it within 8 seconds (starring Luke Perry) or the ritual will fail!
#At this point you should begin singing the theme song to the show you are performing the ritual for. If the theme tune has no words, make up your own and sing them to the tune. If your TV show has no theme song, sing an ode to the main character(s) of that show for the duration of the ritual.
#Keep one candle lit, and the other in your butt, and sing your song until the first candle can
#Continue to sing as the candle burns. You may take brief breaks from singing to eat the butterscotch pudding (you'll probably get hungry waiting for the candle to burn down) but you must at least remain humming the tune while you eat.
#When the candle has burned to the point where it can no longer be re-lit, the ritual is over. Contratulations!
You will most likely be tired and sore from this endeavor, so get some well deserved rest.
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