Trollpasta Wiki

Cars: The Lost Beta Movie: Difference between revisions

Page Discussion

Cars: The Lost Beta Movie (view source)

Revision as of 00:09, 23 January 2018

10 bytes removed ,  6 years ago
no edit summary
VisualWikitext
imported>Enchantman
(Cars: The Lost Beta Movie (Remaster))
imported>Enchantman
No edit summary
Line 1:
Alright children, shut up, it’s time for yours truly to tell a terrifying tale of… memes… I don’t know, just wanted to keep the alliteration going is all. I was a car repairman several years ago for Pixar employees. One of the higher ups, John Lasseter, who earned the nickname Dickface McTwinkieson around the workplace after eating 20 specially made, dick-shapedYou Twinkiesget inthe under a minute and 30 seconds. He also crafted a penis out of chalkpoint. The 90s was the best decade in the history of the world.
 
He brought his car into my shop one day after Monsters, Inc had come out, and said it was running funny. I did my usual inspection, checking tires, checking spark plugs, checking oil levels, power steering, the whole nine yards, until I decided to start up the car to detect anything unusual. There was what sounded like plastic clanking around in the engine. I took another look in the engine, and there sat near the coolant tank was a musty VHS cassette tape. It said “Cars” on the label written in brown Crayola washable marker. I thought it to be some kind of car showcase video, so I took it home with me. Big, big mistake.
Line 5:
I popped the VHS into my VCR and sat down in front of my idiotbox with some Disney-themed fruit snacks and began this wonderful vehicular viewing. Little did I know that I was in for a shock that would resonate with me to this day.
 
The first thing to pop on screen was a note in white text on a black background that said “Cars: Copyright 2001, Pixar Animation Studios. Not to be viewed by the public.” So apparently this was a preview of an upcoming movie from Pixar about cars! I was indeed excited about this. The short opened with heavy breathing. “Focus. Speed. I am speed. One winner, 42 losers, I ate losers for Breakfest. Breakfest? I should've have- No no stay focus, Speed. I’m faster than fast, quicker than quick, I am lightning!” It then showed the protagonist of the soon to be franchise finishing up snorting something white and powdery. What the?
How.
the.
Line 19:
“Well, looks like this is the end!” McQueen stated with a small, half-hearted chuckle. No one else spoke a word. Just watched as McQueen’s life slowly started to fade away. “You know something, if everything happened for a reason, and everyone has a purpose for living, then why am I sitting here taking my last breaths at my young, young age? If you think about it, I don’t have any real purpose in this world, and what happened is a result of God weeding out the bad apples. So you see, God hasn’t abandoned us, but has certain ones he hates. Why not? I don’t hold the answer to that question, nor does anyone else on this beautiful earth...” His human-like features begin to fade, and turn into real-life car features that you and I call normal. One by one as McQueen spoke, features began to transform or fade completely away. “Enjoy your time on earth everybody, for it might not last as long as you may think...”
 
It cut to Sally wearing a monocle and wooden teeth, holding a TwinkieMeme, listening to what McQueen had to say. A piece of paper with a heart with a crack down the middle appeared on McQueen’s face as he continued. He began to speak in tongues, what sounded to be Yiddish mixed with a hint of German. Subtitle slides that were used in silent films appeared translating what he was speaking. It said “Before I breathe my last breath, I want you all to also know I have seen Heaven, and I have seen Hell, and I know which one I’m going to!” When the slide was done showing, it cut to McQueen again, having a piece of glass for his eyes like a real life car, and a grill instead of a mouth. He was still speaking, but it was muffled. He was also holding a pinecone with googly eyes, a bowtie and a top hat, which transformed into the Buddha Pictures statue, You know, the Dead meat ranked logo that was used in the Indian films, you know the one! Another slide appeared showing the words “Goodbye everyone, I am about to enter a new world of unending suffering and pain, much like in this realm, only many times worse...” It then cut to McQueen again, but as a picture of a real life version of McQueen pasted onto the hospital bed, much in the style of something from Home Alone, who was by FOX. Disney Didn't bought FOX Until 2017! He had a Star of David etched onto the driver’s side door and was what I think would be dead. Then Mater Said "I missed Lightning... *Sobs*" Then doc Hudson, or as I would like to call it "The fabulous Hudson Hornet!" Hugs mater and said, "Don't worry mater, I got you..." It was the saddest, most heart-wrenching moment I had ever heard in my 39 years of life!
 
It then faded to McQueen in Hell, perfectly normal and intact. What followed was Satan himself and Lightning McQueen competing in a rap battle. Weird since I thought Satan could just play a mean fiddle, I guess he got with the times. Satan was the first to go. “Yo, yo, I’m Satan and I wish you luck, hope your rhymes don’t suck a f**k.” Woah, there was swearing in this tape. McQueen retorted with a rhyme of his own. “You can keep up with the beat, can rhyme in time, but your rhymes are more sour than a lime!” What the s**t is this? This is some low quality, S****Y rapping. If this was Pixar’s idea for two gangstas spitting straight fire bars at each other, then they also probably think the earth is round. Pfft, idiots.
 
Satan responded to McQueen’s shittyDumb rhyme with another damn rhyme. “My words are poetry, yours are booed, my rhymes are 5-star quality, yours are like fast food!” The only thing about this scene that’s worse than the rapping, is the fact that several dead celebrities are in the background, cheering after each line is dropped, including Tupac and Biggie Smalls.
 
WHAT.
Line 35:
As I reached for the volume button on my television since the white noise was too loud, McQueen and Satan both turned and looked at the camera, out the television, at me, into my soul. They were crying tears of incredibly realistic blood and had razors for teeth. “Turn down that volume and I’ll turn up at your house, Leonardo IV.” McQueen said in a menacing, demonic tone. How the hell did this tape know my name? I restrained myself from turning down the volume as the tape faded to black, then ended. I sat there for what seemed like 2 days, replaying everything I had seen in my head over and over again, without even getting up to go to the bathroom.
 
Then I heard my doorbell ring. As I stood up to answer the door, all the fluid in my bladder that had built up from the past approximately two days immediately exited out my, I KNOW THAT ALREADY JUST STOP
Then I heard my doorbell ring. As I stood up to answer the door, all the fluid in my bladder that had built up from the past approximately two days immediately exited out my dickhole, soaking my underwear and pants completely. I quickly ran to replace my soiled trousers and opened the door. It was John Lasseter. He had a memed look on his face and was wearing a hawaiian shirt with Twinkies on it.  “I need VHS tape now” Lasseter sputtered, spitting and salivating all over my brand-new expensive antique rug that I spent several years of hard-earned car-repair dollars to purchase. I told him that I don’t have a return policy, but I would oblige anyway, handing him a roll of duct tape and a tissue to wipe the retarded slobber off his chin. “Ha, ha, very funny,” Lasseter cackled heartily, “I used this as a privacy. PLS GIVE MEH THE TEAP” He handed me back the duct tape, and I went and grabbed him some surgical tape. Lasseter became red as a beet, and had several veins popping out of his sweaty head. “I WANT THAT VHS TAPE BAEC" I said, "Alright Fine! I'll give you the VHS!" And pushed the eject button on the VCR and putted it to My mom, Joe ranft died in a funeral And i wanted to save him and i fell and i saw a family in this hole! I pulled out the funeral door and i putted the VHS tape on Joe's head. "FREE ME OF THIS CURSE JOE RANFT!" I screamed at the top of my, head.▼
 
▲Then I heard my doorbell ring. As I stood up to answer the door, all the fluid in my bladder that had built up from the past approximately two days immediately exited out my dickhole, soaking my underwear and pants completely. I quickly ran to replace my soiled trousers and opened the door. It was John Lasseter. He had a memed look on his face and was wearing a hawaiian shirt with Twinkies on it.  “I need VHS tape now” Lasseter sputtered, spitting and salivating all over my brand-new expensive antique rug that I spent several years of hard-earned car-repair dollars to purchase. I told him that I don’t have a return policy, but I would oblige anyway, handing him a roll of duct tape and a tissue to wipe the retarded slobber off his chin. “Ha, ha, very funny,” Lasseter cackled heartily, “I used this as a privacy. PLS GIVE MEH THE TEAP” He handed me back the duct tape, and I went and grabbed him some surgical tape. Lasseter became red as a beet, and had several veins popping out of his sweaty head. “I WANT THAT VHS TAPE BAEC" I said, "Alright Fine! I'll give you the VHS!" And pushed the eject button on the VCR and putted it to My mom, Joe ranft died in a funeral And i wanted to save him and i fell and i saw a family in this hole! I pulled out the funeral door and i putted the VHS tape on Joe's head. "FREE ME OF THIS CURSE JOE RANFT!" I screamed at the top of my, head.
I noticed We're won't hitting the bottom of the hole, And it reminds me of The scene in hell!
"Could this be what i saw before?" From the hole, A Black and white 57 version of Lightning Mcqueen appeared, he said to me in a demonic tone, "In this hole, You should fall of the dead bodies! *cries*" and then he blurred away.
Anonymous user
Retrieved from "https://trollpasta.com/wiki/Special:MobileDiff/183118"