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Customer Reviews Which are TOTALLY NOT Stolen from a SOG Video: Difference between revisions
Customer Reviews Which are TOTALLY NOT Stolen from a SOG Video (view source)
Revision as of 17:38, 14 April 2015
, 9 years agoThis took five years. And then I found the links in the comments. ( ͡° ʖ̯ ͡°)
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was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and
self respect...:)
== This was definitely not to scale ==
'''''<u>From this link here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/review/R1UY4UYRAUGTA1</u>'''''
[[File:Watermelonexelol.jpg|centre|thumb|209x209px|Watermelon balls.]]
The size of said product was much much too small. When I unpacked with care as if it was a Christmas present, I was dismayed at the blatant size discrepancy between it and my real balls. This product was very very small compared to my own super huge balls. This pair of fake ballswere at least 20x smaller than my own. Because of this I was unable to use it as an aid to make sure I don't have terminal ball cancer.
Some may say that I have ball cancer and the growth is so large it makes each ball look like a watermelon, but I have been checked by the beautiful nurse in my local strip club and she said that they look perfectly fine and in fact were the greatest set she has ever had the privilege of examining. Even though the product was much too small I did find an exciting use for it. I used it as a trick to get out of my boring college classes.
When I would get bored in a class I would yell and then hold up the fake scrotum with balls and tell the teacher that my balls had in fact fallen off and that it happened quite often, but that I needed to go home to sew them back on while they are still viable.
And for all you people saying that the teacher would notice the minuscule size of the balls and call me out, I planned ahead and made up a back story that I was ahopeless steroid addict at an earlier point in my life and that my balls had shriveled up like raisins.
Overall this was a great product even though it was not used for its intended purpose.
== Hell In A Can ==
'''''<u>From this link here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/review/RQRPVDY1T04YY</u>'''''
[[File:Spoderman.gif|centre|thumb|230x230px|No comment.]]
My name is Charles. I'm a professor these days. I used to be a model, but this product ruined my career. After using some new hair moisturizer, I began experiencing breakage, so a friend recommended that I spread some of this on to rectify the issue. Good news: the breakage is gone.! Bad news: so is pretty much everything else.
I began balding instantly. Right in the mirror. I haven't cried like that since my mom passed away (R.I.P. Sharon Xavier).
On the bright side, I can now read people's minds & move things with my brain. Which comes in handy b/c I've lost use of both my legs as well, due to this little can of paradise.
People ask me all the time "How did you end up in a wheelchair.?" I like to tell them "I was shot in the back" & I can change up the scenarios here & there, depending on who asks me. That was back when I could still speak.
Every now & then, I get a huge kick out of sending small amounts to random houses with my name address on the packaging. You won't believe all the freaks that show up at my institute. They're the only company I have now that I'm a mute & a vegetable. Sad face.
== Victory! ==
'''''<u>From this link here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/review/R2BTVXUTPR9LFK</u>'''''
[[File:1399752149549.png|centre|thumb|236x236px|Speaks for itself really.]]
I purchased this after I was confronted by some punks demanding that I hand over my money. I'm a relatively fit guy, but I was no match for them. That is when I realized that I need to protect myself. The day after I bought this product I went to the very same Wal-Mart parking lot when I was first mugged. I approached the group of hooligans standing outside the entrance, concealing my secret weapon.
I coolly asked "Remember me?".
One of them looked up and said, "Have you come back to buy some Samoas or Thin Mints? My Girl Scout Troop needs to raise more money!"
I replied with "you're not taking my money this time". "But sir, they're delicious!", she said.
I whipped out my Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun hand and shouted "WRONG MOVE B****!" The five girl scouts ran away screaming.
As I pounded my chest in victory, I accidentally activated the stun gun and applied 950,000 Volts to my right nipple. I woke up 4 hours later to the sound of heavy footsteps. Those Girl Scouts had brought their fathers. But I was ready. I lunged at the largest one with a cry of "RAGGLE FRAGGLE!!!" and hit him in the stomach. He hit the ground harder than a fat kid on a jungle gym.
As the others began to circle around me, I changed techniques. Holding both of my hands in tight fists, I rased my arms to my sides and initiated the helicopter spin. They all backed off, fearing my impressive RPM. After a while I started getting dizzy, and one of the fathers decided to try to tackle me. As he ran to me stood there, dizzy and queasy; time was going real slow. Then I remembered. I had eaten lunch at Chipotle and the burrito was fighting its way back up my stomach.
I tuned toward my enemy and launched a stream of projectile vomit at him, knocking him to the ground. Then I started singing "Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the.... FLOOOOORRR!!!!"
I grabbed my Knuckle Blasher Stun Gun and shoved it into my mouth, running headfirst at my foes, electrocuting them with my teeth. Eventually they were all unconscious, and I walked home victorious.
== Great idea, incomplete implementation. ==
'''''<u>From this link here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/review/R3M8LI31IYOC0H</u>'''''
[[File:41G9WA5NRDL.jpg|centre|thumb|301x301px|'''( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)''' ]]
When I bought this toy for my kid, I had hoped it would be more realistic. Like many of my peers have already pointed out, this set is missing a long line of people, the interrogation room, and rubber pat-down gloves. But it's biggest fault is the lack of "Arabs."
How am I supposed to teach my kid the many virtues of racial profiling if this toy has no middle eastern looking figures? The cost of the watch batteries required to run an RFID detector in the model metal detector would be peanuts compared to the value of learning the benefits of the randomly selected pat-down. Naturally every Arab, Egyptian, Israeli, Syrian, and Palestinian figure would come with their own dynamite jacket and back-up toothpaste bottle filled with C-4 rigged to blow with a twist of the bottle cap.
We need to teach our kids to fear everyone who looks like a terrorist; how am I supposed to do that when the only airline passenger figures are vaguely white?
So, great idea--with the potential for hours of fun spent waiting in line--but the set is just not complete enough. Anyone know if they're coming out with an expansion set?
== EVIDENCE MOTHERFUCKERS. ==
[[File:FUNNIEST PRODUCT REVIEWS!|centre|thumb|480x480px]]
[[File:FUNNIER PRODUCT REVIEWS!!! 2. 2)|centre|thumb|480x480px]]
[[Category:SUPR SKAREY IMAG]]
[[Category:English Class Failure]]
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