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Derp Never Dies (view source)

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The next day, As Sam Unkler was trimming his bushes, he thought he heard a faint hiss coming from the other side. He went to investigate it, and there was nothing there. Little did he know that while he was distracted, Jeff had jumped onto his glove and crawled up his arm, onto his shoulder.
 
When heSam returned his tools to the shed, he felt some sort of tiny animal bite him on the back of his neck. He swatted at it, but once again there was nothing there. Was this summer heat making him lose his mind?! He figured it was just a no-see-um or something.
 
Over the following weeks, Sam's family noticed odd changes in his behavior. He had trouble concentrating, he slurrredslurred his words, his IQ dropped like a rock, and most importantly, he was becoming obsessed with potatoes. Janet, his wife, decided she had to call a doctor about this. But when she tried, she saw the cord had been cut. A steel IKEA spork lay by it.
 
"We wouldn't like that," she heard Sam say, right behind her. Janet spun around, and screamed at what she saw. This...thing was no longer her husband. He now had snow-white skin, long, greasy black hair, bulging, blue-tinted eyes that stared into space, long claw-like fingernails and an impossibly wide grin filled with jagged, sharp teeth. "We wouldn't like that at all." He hefted a gigantic spoon over his head, preparing to bash her over the head with it. The very last thing she heard was "GO. TO. POTATO."
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