Dora The X-plorer

Alright my lil’ dipshits it’s storytime! :D Back in 2018, I was a big Dora fan. I was so obsessed with her that I would become younger and date her if I could (but don’t tell the Feds!) I did everything I could to watch Dora episodes without having to actually pay for them because I’m poor. This led to me using YouTube to watch the show. One time by accident, I mistaken ‘Xplorer’ for Explorer. What I stumbled upon from this mistake would soon change my life for the worse. The first result was a video titled “Dora The X-Plorer Uncensored Robot Chicken”. I was confused. Why was this the “uncensored” version? Did they make a Dora episode that was so inappropriate that it got censored? I thought Dora was meant for 4 year olds (and people that are mentally 4 like me) not a more mature audience. The video’s thumbnail only created more questions. Why does the episode look like it’s stop motion animation instead of a 2D cartoon? I clicked on the video as my curiosity got the better of me and the episode started with the camera slowly panning across pictures of Dora throughout her life. It then showed Dora on her phone lying on the couch. “Dora! Dora!” someone said from the distance.

“Whaaaaat?” Dora groaned. “It’s almost time for your Quinceanera! I need you to run to the store.” “Uuuuuuuugh! Fine!” Dora shouted. It then cut to a title card that said “Dora the Explorer: Quinceanera Special”. After a few seconds, it then cut to Dora at a store. “Soda, cookies, horchata- barf!” She then looked at the camera and said “help me out! Which beer has the highest alcohol by volume?” A blue arrow pointed to the largest beer bottle. “Great choice!” She took the bottle only for her backpack to tell her “uh, Dora, you’re not old enough to buy that!” “No shit!” Dora replied with such gangsta attitude. “Dora! Please no it’s wrong-“ before it could finish, Dora stuck a beer bottle in its mouth. “Now let’s complete this transaction!” Dora ran out of the store as one of the employees shouted “hey! Stop that kid!” She ran into the streets and then stopped to say “hey! I need your help again. I need everybody to shout ‘where my motherfucking map at?’” The blue arrow returned to point at her backpack. “Oohh yeah!” She then pulled the map out. “Map, show me where to find my friend Marcus. He’s always holding!” “I uh, I don’t know Dora.” Dora ripped a large part off of the map. The map screamed in pain. “Ow! Ok ok! He’s at the park on 12 under the jungle gym!” “He said he might have some eggs too!” She replied. “You can call me Dora the X-plorer!”

It then cut to her at her Quinceanera. “Hey! I need your help! Paula or Maria?” She said while obviously drunk. The arrow pointed at a woman to her left. “No arguing here!” Dora started making out with the woman as everyone gasped and took photos. It then cut to Swiper. “Heh heh! Just call me the virginity swiper!” Dora told him “Swiper no swiping. Swiper no swiping.” A fat woman came up to them and said “you’re too late!” She picked up Swiper and… they did something in another room. “I wish Boots was here to see our little girl become a woman!” Dora’s mom told Dora’s dad. “Monkeys are cute when they’re little, but Boots… got big” he replied. It cut to footage showing Dora’s grandma and a larger version of Boots. “Oh hello Boots!” She said. Boots then violently killed her. Police officers shot Boots killing him instantly. “Oh my god Dora’s on the roof!” Someone shouted as a crowd of people rushed out of the building. It then showed Dora on the roof. “I bet I can fly. Do you think I can fly?” She paused for a couple seconds only to start crying while saying “I’ve never been able to hear you! It’s the show’s big lie!” She screamed “wohoo!” As she jumped off the roof. She falls head first onto the concrete just barely missing the pool.

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