Eating Doorknobs Is Normal

It was on a Monday afternoon. That is the day I realized that eating doorknobs is normal. I was sitting in my chair speaking on the phone when I looked at the doorknob. It was gold. It was a shade of gold that looked almost perfect. I felt a sudden urge to go and eat it. I have always had these urges whenever I saw something golden. For example, medival armors. I have informed my friend about this and he started laughing but that did not discourage me. I could only imagine the taste it had. At first, I thought of a vanilla taste but then I figured I had to find it out myself. I stood up and tried taking a big bite out of the doorknob but I could only have a slight taste before anyone noticed. It had a sweet taste, mostly chemicals and lemon. I ran back to my chair and to my surpise, nobody heard it. I told my friend how it felt to taste a doorknob but he never tried it and just rather laughed even harder. Ever since then, I have eaten about 70 doorknobs and 2 golden spoons. I am known as the guy who eats a lot of iron and metal. My actual name is Zolano and I do not eat that much iron and metal. I don't eat as much furniture as I used to when I was 16. I am 16 and a half now, I am a changed man. My neighbours do not call the cops on me as often and the furniture stores are okay with having me aroud. I live in Detroit and I have no girlfriend (sigma by choice). My job is infliencing people on Roblox and I own 3 GTA San Andreas roleplay servers. I have only convinced one of my friends so far to try doorknobs and his brain was hardly malfunctioning as it convinced him to not eat it and just throw it at me and run. Liking doorknobs is a new passion of mine. I only order 5 doorknobs a month and I am financionally stable. A lot of people tell me that I am stupid but I thinks that I am over average and a little below genius level. I am now developing a doorknob roleplay servers on my rig and it is going to be successful. I am follwing my dreams and it is working very well. Playing Fortnite all day is another hobby of mine that I know is going to get me super far in life. Although, Fortnite does not feature as much edible looking doorknobs as I thought it will but I am fine with that. My parents are super proud of me for everything that I have achieved in life. I am a very good student too, which I often use to flex and show a good example. Punching random things at the mall is another fine hobby of mine. It just costs a bit more than usual hobbies. Each time I feel like an object is menacing, I use all my powers to destroy them. This gets people looking at me with a funny face but the judging people will always be there. But it is fine as they will never be as cool as I will. I was Zolano writing this, thank you very much for reading. I hope I was able to inspire people to eat more doorknobs as they are very good for your health.

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