Guillo Malfunctions
It might sound cliche to you, but I was feeling pretty nostalgic earlier this month. All throughout YouTube, I had been looking at videos of Baten Kaitos Origins, the prequel to Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings and The Lost Ocean.
I told this to my friend Brendan, and he suggested that I look for an emulator. Research yielded the Dolphin emulator, which I promptly downloaded along with the iso for Baten Kaitos Origins.
There were some issues, but the game ran at a solid 30 frames a second, and I was blown away by the story content they added.
You have 3 characters: Sagi, the green haired winged sword wielder, Milly, the dual mace wielding 1/2 machine girl, and Guillo, the bipedal humanoid crazy transsexual magic thrower.
So, I was at an area in the game known as the Nunki Valley. All throughout the game, Sagi breaks down and goes into the past whenever certain creatures called afterlings die. This particular afterling was pretty tough, but I beat it. Predictably, Sagi broke down, and I expected to wake up in the past again.
What I got instead was a dark version of Pherkad, out on the port. Judging by the dialogue, I figured that this was supposed to be a natural occurrence.
My calm was broken when I heard Guillo say:
"MMMMMMAAAAALLLLLLPERRRRCIIIIOOOOOOOO!"
Guillo started freaking the fuck out, panting crazily and twisting its body everywhere. Meanwhile, a decrescendo of high pitched violins played, leading to a very low, very disquieting bass.
Guillo turned black, and the red coloration of its eyes were clearly shown, as it seemed nothing more than a shadow of Guillo.
"HRRRMMAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" It yelled as it ran off into the main passage of Pherkad.
"What's wrong with Guillo?" asked Sagi, nonchalantly for some reason.
"I don't know, but we'll do no good standing here." Milly replied, again as if nothing was wrong. The pair ran off into the passage.
When they arrived, they saw a horrible sight, indeed! Even though this game has no blood in it, all of the normal citizens of Pherkad were lying dead! Mortally splattered!
The children were burned, likely by Guillo's magic, but the adults were all over the place, literally! Body parts were everywhere, and puncture wounds were clearly visible on most of them.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Sagi and Milly screamed together, and the camera focused on a shadow, previously thought to be part of the scenery, showing red eyes.
Guillo emerged from it, still a shadow, and now completely towering over the two companions. It must've been 30 feet high!
"Guillo! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sagi yelled at the specter.
"I'm gonna kill you, dingbat!" screamed Milly, calling Guillo the typical insult she called it.
As soon as Milly got done talking, Guillo, in one great burst of strength, swiped the two away, breaking them through a building, Guillo then screeched horrifically, as if being tortured, and ran north to Rodolfo's estate.
"Urrrgh, let's get him!" Sagi exclaimed after recovering.
The pair again ran to the site of action, and found more stabbed, cut, and burned bodies everywhere, right where they were supposed to be. One of them had life in it and spoke breathlessly.
"I-i-ittt drrr..." His lungs filled with blood(I assume) before he finished his sentence.
"This is horrible Sagi! We have to stop the can-opener!" Milly told Sagi, again insulting Guillo.
"Let's hurry!" Sagi yelled back.
They scurried north to the estate, only to find Guillo, now towering at around 40 feet, with a body on its razor sharp claws. The pair noticed that Guillo's arm appeared to be pulsating red, even though it looked like a shadow still, and red essence flowed up its arm, and it grew taller still...
"We're here to stop you Guillo!" Sagi bellowed. I noticed that there was an odd sound between the 'you' and the 'Guillo' in that sentence.
"MMMRAAAHHHHH!" Bawled the deranged puppet. The flash that signifies the beginning of a battle appeared, and I was fighting Guillo.
The fight was easy, it only had 4000 health and low defenses, and when it was finished, this happened:
"HUUURRAAAAHHH! MAAAAALLLLPEERRRRRCIOOOOOOOOOOO!" it spouted. The flash came again, guess it was time for round two.
Unlike last time, this time Guillo had high defense and staggering attack power, hitting 500 a hit several times. I scrambled to stay alive! Something else happened, because Guillo was this time using its claws instead of its magic, wounds appeared on Sagi and Milly when they got hit. Guillo attacked Sagi's arm, and a bleeding gash appeared on Sagi's arm. Guillo attacked Milly's leg leaving gash on it.
Whenever we would get hit, Guillo's arm would pulsate momentarily with red life energy, and it would grow taller. Somehow I managed a relatively long fight, but by the end, Sagi was hitting for barely 10 damage while Guillo was hitting for nearly 2000 a hit!
When the fight was lost, I got a close up of Sagi. A textbox appeared saying:
"Ignorant fool! Malpercio! Thy life must end!"
Guillo stabbed Sagi in the heart, just like in the real game, with the same sized hand too.The screen faded to black....
All of the sudden, a low bass played along with the blood red eyes of Guillo.
Below this, the word BEWARE was written. Then, Sagi's body appeared, his eyes closed.
In two quick flashes, I saw shadowy hands reach out and grab his torso, then rip his body in half.
I haven't really been filling you in on my actions during this whole thing, but I was fucking scared by now, and I could not turn off the emulator despite my best efforts.
Suddenly, through the black, I thought I saw a white flash. Then, words appeared:
GOTCHA
By: Brendan Hansen
"WHAAAAT!" I bellowed. I couldn't believe it, Brendan had set this up. And all was good, rebooting my emulator finally worked and it played normal as last save. (Took me a while to beat the afterling again though)
This explains the odd spaces and such between the words, no one is a perfect computer hacker guy.
That doesn't stop the horrible atrocity of Wiseman, however...
Credited to Flamegeyser
Originally uploaded on December 29, 2012
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