How I Got Caught Stealing Monsters: Difference between revisions

Excerpt from a local toaster:

 

 

LARGE

A picture of smiling Jeff the Potato was at the top of the page. I recoiled in horror, throwing the burnt, moldy page away into a fire.

 

 

The simplest and quickest ritual was an obscure one, but proved effective. I only had to knock 6 times on a mirror, do the chicken dance while twirling in a clockwise motion while my eyes remained closed (if I opened them I WOULD DIE) while gently humming like a bee, and repeating this three times. Oh, it had to be done before midnight, but anytime before. Also, all your toilet covers had to be closed and you must be wearing fake antlers. After a while, I realized that the only common theme of these rituals is how hilarious you act. The more hilarious, the higher the success rate. I once saw a spirit of some sort in the corner of my room videotaping me with a translucent “spirit” camera as I jumped from foot to foot calling out to a monster named Jabboof to reveal itself while I was half-naked and wore hundreds of rubber bands around my arms. Huh. I was so angry. Anyways, I'm getting off track. Then you had to open your bedroom door and lie in bed and pretend to be trying to sleep. You will feel something cold in your right hand and you will lift it to your face to find a toaster. There’s a burnt, moldy paper inside. You take the paper and read the first three lines, but throw it away in horror at the memory of these ritual instructions. A fire will suddenly appear in order to burn it. You remember that the instructions tell you that the paper describes a boy telling his story. You remember it’s describing your story, and continue narrating yourself in your head because everyone always does.

[[File:Dressmonster-1.JPG|thumb|295x295px|My monster friend]]

So the monster and I were friends for a while. I made it wear one of my grandma’s dresses and we went to a

 

So... If anyone sees an eight-foot tall monster with purple eyes, brown shoes, and a bright green/orange/brown dress with flowers that's 9 sizes too small for it, you know where it came from. To send it back, you have to put a bucket that's been used as a toilet at some point over your head and sing a campfire song, preferably a Spongebox Squaretanx one, and do back flips for 4 meters, and at some point must do a flip over a trash can. Also, wear heels. It helps to return them to their realm faster, for some reason.

 

"Ha ha ha ha..." Pudgy the mirror demon slurred, completely hammered as he twirled a bottle in his hand in haphazard circles. On his spirit laptop, he wrote instructions to wait until the 666th minute after jumping in a toilet to slice a piece of cheese paper thin and glue it to your forehead with mayonnaise.

 

 

Potato Jeff crashed through a nearby door, singing with the one who was phone. Then a truckload of potatoes rolled through the door and swamped everyone. I grabbed some to make stew with later.

[[Category:Rituwel]]

[[Category:Beings]]

[[Category:Crappy ms paint drawings]]

[[Category:Memes]]

[[Category:Satire]]

[[Category:Well, that was anticlimactic.]]