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I HAT U: Difference between revisions
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[[File:327px-2804287.jpg|thumb|322x322px|fetus.exe]]
This isn't one of those "Haunted Game" stories.
This isn't about a glitch or a hidden Satanic message and at no time did I phone Nintendo Headquarters only to have my questions answered by a middle aged man jerking off.
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This is about what I assume to be a previously undiscovered alternate ending of Super Mario World for the Super Nintendo, not to be confused with Super Mario World on Xbox.
In 1996, I received my first computer as a birthday gift. I'd been on the internet before, had used computers before, but it had always been in school or at a friend's house (ok i think they bought it, they will never find out I have no friends. OH GOD I TYPED THAT.
This one was mine. All mine. I explored the crude, pre-historic web of the time with great interest.
I also pirated media like a madman. Music, games, anything, such as that porn I just told you about.
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I'd never had a Super Nintendo as a little kid, so it was all new to me. I'd downloaded tons of games along with the SNES Emulator, but Mario World was my favorite.
For over a decade, the same Mario World ROM was my time-wasting hobby. (what is Metal Gear Solid? the only game I have ever played is Mario World) I played it over and over again, beating the game faster and faster, AND HARDER, AND HARDER, until I began to lazily explore the worlds with no particular purpose.
Game Genie codes helped immensely. I could turn off the timer and re-live a particularly entertaining map for an hour as I waited for a download or any number of boring events.
I beat the game thousands upon thousands upon thousands of times.
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A KEY AND A KEYHOLE (GOD HAS COME TO REAP THE SINNERS)
You use keys on keyholes to unlock new levels.
Still, this didn't belong there and I knew it. For a moment, I considered the fact I'd actually BROKEN a ROM file from over-use!
After taking a screenshot specifically to show all of you Mario Bros. fans out there, you know, the ones who know where every fucking key in the game is, I used the key on the keyhole
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This didn't strike me as odd, cuz in Mario Bruthas. World edition there are levels with titles such as "Fuck You" and "1v1 me fgt"
And it looked like Mario shit himself.
I entered the upon
Oddly enough, the upon started with the normal "upon" entry animation.
inside the White Castle, it was just a straight line
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Either this game knows I'm stupid or it has a weird sense of humor.
There was no room to jump. No room to do anything but run left and right. I must've gone right for ten to twenty minutes, just holding the B-button and running along at full speed.
Then all of a sudden...
One, one Bling Boo.
[[File:The-Count.jpg|thumb|220x220px]]
Until there were...
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ONE. TWENTY ONE BOOOOOOOOOOS.
[[File:06-0.png|centre|thumb|500x500px|DEY R CALLED BLING BOOS CUZ THEY R MAC DADDIES]]
They just kind of hung there, hung like an elephant.
But something made me run away.
[[File:07-0.png|centre|thumb|500x500px]]
Now I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this map was designed specifically to screw with the player. Not because the giant "Bleeding Bill" was hemorrhaging profusely from its face, but because it was INESCAPABLE.
That is, unless you're like me and you have the Game Genie cheats on hand. I switched on the code for permanent invincibility.
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And I really hope nobody is like me.
[[File:08-0.png|centre|thumb|500x500px]]
I let it chase me for the lolz, then I killed it.
"GO FUCK YOURSELF"
Well fuck you too you piece of shit.
DID I SAY THIS WASN'T A THEORY? YEAH WELL FUCK YOU THIS IS 4 REEL.
But the question was, who hated me?
It popped up again
[[File:09 (2).png|centre|thumb|500x500px]]
cowabunga... COWAFUCKINGPIECEOFDOGSHIT!
But ayy the boos are gone now
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[[File:JonTron - Spooky Scary Skeletons - Full Song 11 Minute Loop|thumb|330x330px|SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS]]
[[File:10-0.png|centre|thumb|500x500px]]
These boos looked happy.
I could see down their throats, which looked suggestive.
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KILL THEM ALL. ALL MUST DIE. I AM THE LORD OF THE HARVEST. BRING IT DOWN. BRING IT DOWN.
Then nothing happened for 5 hours until I saw a pipe and went in.
The water made sense, unlike this sentence.
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THANKS OBAMA.
I soon came to a bunch of Thwomps.
These Thwomps seemed pretty successful, had a business and everything.
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I walked slowly, killing each one, saying "FUCK YOU" each time
[[File:Planet Fuck-I said fuck you every time|thumb|330x330px]]
I must be a sado-masochist, cuz I did that shizzle to kill all 30 of them.
After the gauntlet of dope-pravity, it forced me to swim to avoid spikes.
But it stopped being fun really fast.
[[File:012-0.png|centre|thumb|500x500px]]
This could only mean one thing.
It was an excellent touch, whoever made it must have a big penis and get all the ladies.
It was genius (somewhere between genius and retarded) and the creator is clearly the most handsome man ever.
I took more pictures than I white girl every time she is near a bathroom.
But then...
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GET SPOOKED
the Marios shot at me like torpedoes and I was like yooooooo then I avoided them, but I also knew INVINCIBLE meant INVINCIBLE.
I went in the pipe and got dropped in a corridor.
There was also a mushroom powerup
[[File:I HAT U.png|centre|thumb|500x500px]]
But I didn't touch that shit.
Well that was anticlimactic.
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I went in the door and saw blood lava (what?) and saw something spooky in the window
[[File:Window.png|centre|thumb|500x500px]]
It might be hard to see it.
FYI that's not usually in this undiscovered level nobody has played but my hipster ass.
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It was Luigi.
Mario looked startled and scared, and it's hard to say that without me sounding like a complete tool, but he really did.
Then Luigi said, sounding like Gilbert Gottfried:
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Luigi
He was Marios second banana ( if u no wut im saiyan ;) ).
No matter how identical he is to Mario in skillset and ability and tenaciousness and girth, he is forced to cry and fap while Mario rescues the princess.
[[File:Oh My God|thumb|330x330px]]
And this whole time Luigi was the real Bowser.
then Luigi curbstomped Mario as the bridge broke slowly.
But while that happened Mario got up to his feet, but I was too busy clutching my Mario waifu pillow at the humanity to take pictures.
[[File:21.png|centre|thumb|500x500px]]
[[File:Marco.Polo|centre|thumb|500x500px]]
[[File:Cinco.png|centre|thumb|500x500px]]
But after all this, Mario started to cry on the bridge.
Then after it was all done, it went back to the normal game that I will play for the rest of my sad life.
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[[Category:Blatant Ripoffs]]
[[Category:SUPR SKAREY IMAG]]
[[Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck]]
[[Category:Mario]]
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