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<p style="margin:4.8pt0cm6pt;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">Trust me when I say that there's no better place to relax after playing Mass Effect and Dark Souls for about 29 hours  than The Random Beverage Drinking Place.  They serve all kinds of stuff in there for the usual nerd-ass cuntface like I am. Like beverages. Good ones.</span></p>
 
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">So I was very suprised when a guy with a hoodie walked in. He was acting cool and dragging a suspicious suitcase around and it looked like he didn't even know how many copies of Pikmin were sold. He was also wearing a dark coat and (don't cough) short shorts. He didn't even have shoes. </span></p>
 
[[File:The_Place.jpg|thumb|Do you really think this is a picture of the actual bar? Are you fucking stupid?]]
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">I walked up to him.</span></p>
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR SHOES?" I said. </span></p>
 
I walked up to him.
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Huh?". He had a deep voice. </span></p>
 
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR SHOES?" I said.
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"So how's it goin'?" </span></p>
 
"Huh?". He had a deep voice.
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Not much. Say, you interested in some... Magic?" </span></p>
 
"So how's it goin'?"
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Magic?"</span></p>
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Yes. The awesome kind." </span></p>
 
"Not much. Say, you interested in some... Magic?"
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Sure, why not?" </span></p>
 
"Magic?"
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"It'll cost ya 37 bucks." </span></p>
 
"Yes. The awesome kind."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Still less than Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes." </span></p>
 
"Sure, why not?"
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Alright, before I start, I should say that my kind of magic involves paranormal shit, and everyone whom I showed to died of doubtful causes, because you don't mess with paranormal shit, and even if you did, you're not as cool as me, so you'll look like a loser and yes, I do use this power to kill people because I ran out of wall to bash my head into and I'm, like, completely addicted, it's like drugs, man, you can't stop doing it, but unlike regular shitheads like you, I don't get arrested because I'm pretty good at what I do, like, the goverment can't touch me and it's pretty awesome, but yeah, you've been warned, so, ready?" </span></p>▼
 
"It'll cost ya 37 bucks."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Do it already. Geez." </span></p>
 
"Still less than Metal Gear Solid: Ground Zeroes."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">At that precise moment, he fidgeted around his suitcase for a bit, and he whipped out a dagger with words on the blade: "Thou Shalt Not Be A Grammar Nazi". </span></p>▼
 
▲<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Alright, before I start, I should say that my kind of magic involves paranormal shit, and everyone whom I showed to died of doubtful causes, because you don't mess with paranormal shit, and even if you did, you're not as cool as me, so you'll look like a loser and yes, I do use this power to kill people because I ran out of wall to bash my head into and I'm, like, completely addicted, it's like drugs, man, you can't stop doing it, but unlike regular shitheads like you, I don't get arrested because I'm pretty good at what I do, like, the goverment can't touch me and it's pretty awesome, but yeah, you've been warned, so, ready?" </span></p>
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Why does it say that?" I asked. </span></p>
 
"Do it already. Geez."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Because they're total dicks." </span></p>
 
▲<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">At that precise moment, he fidgeted around his suitcase for a bit, and he whipped out a dagger with words on the blade: "Thou Shalt Not Be A Grammar Nazi". </span></p>
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">Well fuck me. </span></p>
 
"Why does it say that?" I asked.
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"This shit right here has a story of its own, you see? Rumour is, it came from..." </span></p>
 
"Because they're total dicks."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Came from what?" </span></p>
 
Well fuck me.
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"From..." </span></p>
 
"This shit right here has a story of its own, you see? Rumour is, it came from..."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Oh GOD, HE'S GONNA SAY SOMETHING TOTALLY UNEXPECTED." </span></p>
 
"Came from what?"
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"...SPAAAAAAAACE." </span></p>
 
"From..."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"JESUS F. CHRIST." </span></p>
 
"Oh GOD, HE'S GONNA SAY SOMETHING TOTALLY UNEXPECTED."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"But I say it's the dagger Aphrodite bought in a sweatshop." </span></p>
 
"...SPAAAAAAAACE."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">And indeed I noticed "Made In China" imprinted in the handle. He then proceeded to take out a can of foaming goo. </span></p>▼
 
"JESUS F. CHRIST."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"And that is?" </span></p>
 
"But I say it's the dagger Aphrodite bought in a sweatshop."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"This right here is the dust of the Grand Wazoo. It's hot, so don't touch it." </span></p>
 
▲<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">And indeed I noticed "Made In China" imprinted in the handle. He then proceeded to take out a can of foaming goo. </span></p>
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"I see." </span></p>
 
"And that is?"
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"SO NOW, THE CIRCULAR MOTION, UNKNOWN TO THE PEOPLE OF THIS AREA, BUT DESTINED TO BE THE ACTION EVERYONE SPITS ABOUT IN COMMERCIALS, MADE FOR THE FAT LAZY AMERICAN SITING IN HIS COUCH WITH HIS BEADY LITTLE EYES STARING AT THE SCREEN OF THE MAGIC BOX SHOWING CONAN MOVING HIS WIG AROUND THE SET, HERE GOES: THE CIRCULAR MOTION! RUB IT!", he screamed, while waving the dagger around in a frenzy and pouring the goo all over the floor. I think I saw the Devil in the process, but oh well. </span></p>▼
 
"This right here is the dust of the Grand Wazoo. It's hot, so don't touch it."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"What the hell was that all abo-"</span></p>
 
"I see."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"DONE."</span></p>
 
▲<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"SO NOW, THE CIRCULAR MOTION, UNKNOWN TO THE PEOPLE OF THIS AREA, BUT DESTINED TO BE THE ACTION EVERYONE SPITS ABOUT IN COMMERCIALS, MADE FOR THE FAT LAZY AMERICAN SITING IN HIS COUCH WITH HIS BEADY LITTLE EYES STARING AT THE SCREEN OF THE MAGIC BOX SHOWING CONAN MOVING HIS WIG AROUND THE SET, HERE GOES: THE CIRCULAR MOTION! RUB IT!", he screamed, while waving the dagger around in a frenzy and pouring the goo all over the floor. I think I saw the Devil in the process, but oh well. </span></p>
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"What the fuck did you just do?"</span></p>
 
"What the hell was that all abo-"
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"You'll see. Interested in some rings or pocketwatches?"</span></p>
 
"DONE."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"NO."</span></p>
 
"What the fuck did you just do?"
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">So I slapped his face and stole his belongings.</span></p>
 
"You'll see. Interested in some rings or pocketwatches?"
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">The next day, I woke up, and there was no Mass Effect to play, no Dark Souls to rage quit, no Megaman X to Nostalgia cum nor any nerdy thing to do, for that matter.</span></p>▼
 
"NO."
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">"WHY THE FUCK AM I A KRISTEN STEWART?"</span></p>
 
So I slapped his face and stole his belongings.
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;">
</p>
 
▲<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">The next day, I woke up, and there was no Mass Effect to play, no Dark Souls to rage quit, no Megaman X to Nostalgia cum nor any nerdy thing to do, for that matter.</span></p>
<p style="margin:12pt0cm;line-height:16.5pt;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">I just ran out of ideas.</span></p>
 
"WHY THE FUCK AM I A KRISTEN STEWART?"
==='''<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size:10.5pt;font-family:Helvetica,sans-serif;">HEIL ME AND MY TALENT.</span>'''===
 
I just ran out of ideas.
 
'''HEIL ME AND MY TALENT.'''
[[Category:Satire]]
[[Category:Unfunny]]
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