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Jeff Sends Letters to Santa: Difference between revisions
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*near-godlike virility
*A katana that shoots lightning
*A five-star restaurant that will serve only ME (oh, all right, Smiledog, and you too.)
*A body double to throw off that damn detective who's always on my case. Damn him! No matter what I do to him, he JUST WON'T STAY DEAD!!! Oh. Ahem. Where was I? Oh yeah...
*Functioning wings that can support my full weight and that of another person, preferably batlike
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