Mario's Massacre

This was something that HAS happened to me in my life. I just can't bring myself to play Mario games again after this.

It was a dark stormy day, and I was bored, as usual. I was a nerd of gaming, and I didn't want to play on all the consoles I owned. Literally, I had them all. NES, SNES, PSP, Atari, you name it, I had it! The only thing I didn't have was a Super Mario Bros. cartridge.

I was searching around on Ebay, looking for a cheap Mario Bros. cartridge. I'm also very lucky, but I don't think I am now, because I found a bargain. A cartridge costing £6.66! (yes, a cliche) I bought that cartridge, and got it on the 13th of June. (I ordered it on the 12th of June.)

I slammed the cartridge into the slot, and turned the old NES on. The famous SUPER MARIO BROS title screen popped up, yet something looked different. Mario looked angry, like someone did something wrong. I started the game, and it sent me all the way to world 6-6- Wait, there is no 6-6!

The background was red, the floor was dripping with blood and Mario had an axe! I came across a goomba (the map was exactly world 1-1) and Mario suddenly took control, slicing and dicing the goomba while it screamed in pain. When he came across a koopa, he ripped it's shell off, slammed it onto the floor and beheaded it. He then wore the shell on his head. Soon enough, he got a pirhana plant after him. He headbutted it with the shell a few times, then used the vine for a whip. A flying koopa soon approached. Mario hacked at the poor koopa and took it's wings so Mario could fly. Some Hammer Bros. came, but they weren't in this map. He stole all of their hammers and turned the tide. By completely exterminating them.

There was no flag at the end of the level. Instead, there was a whatever-bit-real-life-is-bit of my head for the flag. I knew what was coming next. He looked at the screen, and charged at me. He broke straight through the screen, trapped me with his vine, threw his axe at my head, headbutted me, and gave me total torture. He finished it by slicing me in half with a SNES sword which I happened to have at the time. and stabbed me in the heart. 

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The story is over now, you can leave. Sorry, no pictures.

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