Mulan: Extended Edition

June 7th, 2020: Summer Break

My name is Bart Simpson from The Simpsons and I am here to tell another one of my big and crazy adventures. An adventure that is so scary it came with a expanded edition of Disney's Mulan. Even scarier than that Sleeping Beauty movie we watch. This morning, we were watching Looney Tunes on Cartoon Network. The program went to its commercial break, somewhere after the "We'll be right back" bumper, a commercial came on saying, "From Disney, it's the original animated version of Mulan, now expanded with brand new scenes for the whole family to enjoy. Screenings available at the Aztec Theater for 8 weeks." Since Mulan was one of our favorite movies, I asked my friend Robert the Purple Monster if he could take the Simpson family to the Aztec Theatre to see Mulan. He said, "Sure."

The next morning, Robert took us to Krusty Burgers for breakfast, then we arrived at the theatre. Marge said to the box office manager, "Two adults and three children for Mulan at 11:05am. Oh, and one monster too!".

Then he said to us, "If you get bored you can see another movie." I said, "Okay". The ticket stub says that Mulan is in theatre #7. Meanwhile there was an usher who looked traumatized and shocked with fear, he asked us," Are you two seeing the Extended Edition of Mulan?" Lisa said, "Yes, we are." Then he said to us, "Then what you're about to see will haunt you for life."

We went in not believing him, then we realized that the theatre was empty, which was not common for a screening of a good Disney film. A "Coming Soon" bumper kicked on along with the previews such as Tenet, Sponge on the Run, and An American Pickle, then the current Walt Disney Pictures logo came on. Right after that, the intro of the film was different, it was the scene with The Great Wall of China the shot just froze, and you could not hear the music by Jerry Goldsmith. Then it cuts to the scene with Mulan singing, "Reflection", which shows that some scenes are cut from this stupid extended edition.

It then shows an image of a 747 Airplane and Lisa and I were confused and so was Marge, then the film cuts to Mulan in her man form entering the Wu Zhong Camp. Then the film gets blurry for seven minutes, what we saw was despicable for a Disney film, it looked like Shan Yu cutting a man in half with his sword. Lisa and I nearly vomited, then it cut to the battle on the Tung Shao Pass, the scene just keeps going, it shows a hun killing Yao with a sword, I was emotionally damaged by this despite Yao being one of my favorite characters in the film. Then it cuts to Shang and Mulan at the Emperor's Palace, the disturbing thing is it just keeps going and never stops, Shan Yu eventually kills Shang by breaking his neck with his palms and he walks over to Mulan and stabs her in the belly with his sword and kicks her out the palace window.

It then cut to a time card saying, "One Month Later" . The strange thing is it was spoken by the French Narrator from SpongeBob SquarePants. It made no sense, as Disney and Nickelodeon don't go together. A funeral was being held for Mulan, Shang, and Yao. The film then ends with the closing credits, which are totally normal. I was devastated and suddenly Maggie started to cry. Marge starts to tell her that it was not real. Everyone, including me, then say "D'oh!" due to Robert forcing us to watch a silly extended edition to Mulan where Shan Yu kills Mulan. We told customer service about the movie, and what did they do? They ejected the film reel for Mulan: Extended Edition, took it out of the theatre and threw it in the dumpster. After that, they apologized to us for any inconvenience. Then I decided that me, Homer, Marge, Lisa, Maggie, and Robert should see a different movie called SCOOB! in theater #11 we began to feel better after the movie, and if you see an advertisement for the Extended Edition for Mulan, don't see it.

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