Mundo.exe

I've always been a fan of league of legends. not that garbage bullcrap moble app or that team fight atctics garbage. I'm talking regular, good, league. the adrenaline of getting a kill is amazing, especially after getting absolute crap teammates. sadly, I don't think I'm going to play league ever again after what happened to me.

about a week ago, i was browsing the interneg and listening to my music on spotifu when i got an email out of nowhere! the windows 7 notification sound almost made me crap myself! after I got back up and sat back down in my chair after falling over, i opened up outlook and checked to see what exacly it was all about. the header said "try league of legends for free!!" I was very confused, as this was the emaikl i sighned up with when I made my league account, but I quickly forgot about it. wish I hadn't though.

The email read "Hello, Dyllon! (dyllon is my name!) We would like to introduce you to the world of Runeterra! League of Legends is an online, multi-player MOBA (Multiplayer Online Battle Arena) with a large and ever-growing community. Up until now, you've had to make an account in order to play. However, we're attempting something a little new! In this email, we have included a downloadable file to install this all-new version of our game! We hope you enjoy!"

upon reading this, I not only understood why I ws emailed about this even though I had a league account, but I was extatic! a whole new entire league game! and i didn't have to reember the login to my ruot acount to play it! this was the best thing since sliced bread!

i quickly scroled down to the attachents of the email and downloaded the attached file, named "installer.exe". i almost clicked on a sidebar ad for hot women in my area because of how much shaking I was doing from excitement!

the installer was about 100 megabites big, so it took a bit on my garbage 10mbps downlod speed internet. I played an actual round of league while I waited, even though the download raised my ping to about 158 on average. it made my Katarina game a bit rough, but the team finally surendered at 43:29. after i skipped honoring anyon because of how garbage they were since i had to carry them all, I checked my download and it was done!

the installer had a generic icon and, overall, seemed quite generic. the only options it gave me were custom file path and if I wanted start menu and desktop shortcuts. of course I said yes to both of those! why wouldnt I? it was league for papa mordekaiser's sake!

the installer, much like the old ones from the windows 95 and 98 days, opend up the folder it created with the game in it. strangely, the folder only had one file in it: mundo.exe. this was very strange, as I even have the "show hidden files and folders" option on, along with "show file extentions", which is why the icon said "mundo.exe" and not just "mundo". there werent any game files, like audio files or texture files or anything! I guess it was just all bundled within the exe.

it seemed really weird that the exe was named mundo. i mean yeah, mundo is cool and all, but he's not really loved an whole lot anymore and is doing awful in top lane as far as win rates go. I guess its because of his rework? I dunno man, I'm just a lowly casual-playing casual. maybe there's a hidden meta I'm not aware of. otherwise, he just kinda throws axes, sets himself on fire, and heals a lot. doesn't even have mana. what a loser. he's nowhere NEAR as hard to play as teemo. overall though, i feel like this should have been a hint that someting was very off.

the icon for the exe was also weird. it was a severed dr. mundo head! usually when a game will have a head as an icon, it'll just hav e they're head cut out. but this was diferent! you could see red blood dripping from his neck! i thought this was a very weird direction to take league in, but since the game is rated T with blood, fantasy violence, mild suggestive themes, and use of alcohol and tobacco as the reasonings behind the ESRB's rating (thanks ESRB site!), i didn't think much of it.

I doubble-clicked on the game's shortcut on my desktop after closing the windows explorer window, and my muse cursor did it's thinking animation. after an long 13 seconds, the game opened in full-screen! after giving me a black screen for another 20 seconds, the game booted up properly. or at least I think it did. the title screen was dr. mundo in the center of mid lane with the league of legends logo near the center top of the screen. the logo scared me a bit, because it looked like someone got a small jpeg logo of league, used a magic wand tool at 12% to remove all the white and then proceded to stretch it out to fit a 1980x1020 desktop screen. as someone who has grapphic design as my passion, that scarred me a little big.

what was also a bit weird was that even though dr. mundo himself looked like his regular, kinda-low-polly model for his pre-rework, but something seemed off. his cleaver had fresh blood on it! it scared me a little bit, but after about 5 seconds of staring directly at it, I came to my senses and remmembered the icon. this must be a darker version of league of legends! with more blood and possibly even high-tier swearing! this thought made me once again very excited and glad I didn't click that hot singles in my area ad!

so like the title screen text below mundo said, i pressed the enter key. there was an mostly black loading screen with an red loading bar near the bottom of the screen that lasted about 18 seconds. after it was done, it faded into a reguloar game of eague with me starting at the top right of th map. the weird thing was that things seemed a tiny bit off. for one, ther was no map at the bottom right of the screen. lucky for me, i know the map inside and out and, quite frankly, even better than the back of my hand. why is that even a phrase anyway? how much do you look at the back of your hand to know it that well? what would you have to be doing? always seemed really wierd to me. anyway, aside the map, there wasn't a way to open up team stats or the shop. ther seemed to be no items, either, since that part of the UI was gone, though since the rest wasn't centered, it made everything seem slightly off-center. that really annoyed me, since as I mentioned, Im a aspiring graphic designer with it as my one and only true passion aside league of legends.

I also noticed that the area itself seemed... off. like someone put a very faint layer of red over everything. I dont remember that being part f the title screen, but i could be wrong. however, while i was looking at all these diferences in-depth, the announcer's voice started! usually at the start of the game, she'll say "welcome to summoner's rift!", but this time, she said "welcome to hell!" this scared me a bit, but i figured it, along with everything else. was just a glitch and went on with my life. the email didn;t say it was in beta or alpha or anything, but it would make sense for it to be.

since mundo is usually either a top laner or an jungler, and since jungle is stupid and junglers suck, i decided to go up to the top lane. i was in for a shock though, because some of those little animals like mice you see were lying dead t-posing in blood! it scarred me, but I kept moving on. I then noticed the fire drake in the back ground of top lane flying around. it did some cool and sick tricks before getting blasted by a cannonball and falling down to where I couldnt see it! this made me sad becaus he was just flying around and doing no gharm! i was begining to think I wasnt sure if I liked this edgy take on league.

not knowing if this was on line or a standalone game, i waited in the midle top bush of top lane untill the 1:38 mark (it's not weird i'm counting this because league actually has an in-game timer in matches!). it was then that a sett ran into lane! I HATE set! he's so anoyying, especially when your playing as teemo! he can just suplex nd tower dive you all he wants and I hate it!! so using that hate, i threw a cleaver at him and came out of the bush. he then just... stood there. he didn't do anything. he didnt try to run away as I cam e up to him and did autoattacks. while this did make me happy because I was able to beat up Sett with no reprecautions, it also weirdrd me out a bit... but then that weirded outness became annoyance because i figured maybe this was relly bad AI.

but I could never have expected the next thing that happenned. as his health finally dropped to zero, he let out a loud scream! this didn't seem like any ordinary screem, but a very real one! like the person on the other end was genuinely stabbed and letting out a cry of pain! it was also very realistically clear audio, like it was soeome right beside me screaming and not an audio recording ckip playing! after that, dr. mundo, out of my control, cut of his arms and legs using his cleaver, dragged all the parts of sett to the edge of the very top area, and threw them over the edge! I was stunned! I wanted to close the game right then and there, but no matter how much alt+F4ing (which is a trick I learned from a match a few days ago by accident and being tricked) or alt+tabbing I did, nothing happemed! it was like the computer itself was forcing me to play this game!

as mundo threw sett's body off the map, i could hear the announcer say "first blood!" but it didn't sound normal. it sounded deep and demonic! though I fell like it may have been a glitch and the audio was a bit corrupted. it was after that when I managed to take mundo back into the lane proper was that I noticed that there were no minions. killing sett in that brutal fashion made me completely forget about them! I didnt really knw what to do without minnions to kill or even help me push.

I waited in lane for about 36 seconds, unable to move the camera on it's own since it was perma-locked to mundo. as I was about to press the b buton to head back, I saw a riven walk into lane. I actually haven;t gotten to fight riven that much, so I wasnt really sure what her kit is. as I walked up to her, I could hear her say "please mundo! you've always been a good doctor! why this? why now?", to which mundo replied in a rather demonic-sounding voice, "MUNDO GOES WHERE HE PLEASES!"

without any input on my end, mundo then proceeded to grab riven, drag her down to the rift herald, and put her in its hands. it then proceeded to eat her! I don't think the rift herald is even supposed to spawn yet! blood spewed from its mouth as there were realistic, clear crunching noises. it wasn't ordinary blood, though... not normal for games at least. it looked... too realistic. hyper-realistic, almost. I was in tears. how could mundo just do that? it didn;t even get his kill count up in the corner! not even an assist!

I held my head in my hands crying for a minute and 48 seconds. when I looked back up at the screen, i saw that mundo was staring right at me! not just at the screen or in-game camera, but at ME! i tried to move him aroumd, but his head still stays in the same spot, even if i made him face the opposite way! normally, I would say it would be physically impossible, but ill give it a pass since he's very frankenstein's monster-esque.

I desided to try roaming a little bit. i made my way down to mid lane, and saw no sign of minnions. there was a lux pacing back and forth under her tower, seemingly in deep thought. was she thinking about mundo? about the horrible things he had done in this game? i wouldn't know, as I was unable to open the chat menu and ask, and voice chat was also disabled. I'd know, I tried.

seeing lux in such great distress made me feel very sad. lux is one of my favorites! she has so many skinns and her ultimate has such a low cooldown that I can tear through peple! the idea of one of my absolute favourite characters being so sad and distraught made me cry for 12 more seconds.

after those 12 seconds passed, lux noticed mundo and let out an ear-piercing scream! I'm surprised my ears didn;t bleed! she tried to hide deeper under the tower, but once again, controll was taken from me and mundo threw a axe at her, knocking her down to the ground! tyhe cleaver also didn't disappear either; it stayed loged into her back! mundo then walked under tower, taking a few tower shots, grabbed her, and began walking to his mid tower. lux screamed, much like the rest, hyper-realistically and painfully, like she was a genuinely real human being who just got a cleaver lodged into their back! mundo then put her undr his tower, and as the tower shot her, she disintigrated into a pile of ash! mundo then picked up his cleaver from the pile of ash and cleaned it on his clothes.

I couldn't take it anymore! "WHY!?" I yelled, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?" what happened next was something i never expected. the screen speedily zoomed into mundo, like someone mouse-scroled it very fast, and he looked straight at me. "MUNDO GOES WHERE HE PLEASES!" did... did mundo hear me? no... it couldn't be... i have a desktop and don't wear headphones. i dont even own a stand-alone micro phone after I threw and broke my last one from rage! he couldn't have heard me!... right?...

"MUNDO DOES WHAT HE DESIRES! HE GOES WHERE HE PLEASES, DYLLON!" w-what?! n-no! he couldn't know my name!! he couldn't!!

as I sat in shock, unabl e to move from fear, the screen zoombed back into it's normal position and mundo moved himself once more. he made his way down the bottom river, passing by th ewater drake. as he passed, he grabbed it by the neck and dragged it along with him! it made hyper-realistic choking noises! i almost felt like i was being choked myself!

mundo then wandered into bottom lane, where there was... no one. he lookked furious. "NO! MUNDO MUST KILL!!" his voice sounded even more demonic and distorted than before! he began to swing the dragon about, walking towards the bushes and thrashing it about in them. at the bottom bush, he managed to hit a ezreal and a yuumi! he slammed them into the wall, and then put the dragon down, which then ate the two of them with even more hyper-realistic blood and crunching noises!

I couldnt believe it.. mundo had killed everyone... I was sick to my stomach... I wanted to puke so bad... so much blood and pain and misery... and all mundo was doing was just... dancing. dancing his happy little ctrl+3 dance... i wanted the torture to end... I couldnt stand watching all these champions die like this...

I began sobbing for another 48 seconds. i couldn't take it anymore. I just wante d it to all end. so i did the most sensible thing I could: I unpluged my PC's power cord. and thank crap, it turned off. no more mundo... or so I thought.

with a sigh of relief, I plugged it back in and booted the computer up again. after waiting for about 5 minutes and 51 seconds, my compiter finally booted up. but after i loged in, i screamed at the top of my lungs! my background was a bunch of hyper-realistic severed mundo heads!! it was like someone made a portal to runeterra, beheaded dr. mundo, and took a photograph of it before heading back into the real world with their picture! I was terified! I opened up control pannel and checked my desktop background, and found that it was a fil e located in the game folder with the riginal mundo.exe. it was titled mundo.jpg with a file size of 66.8mb. after that, I changed my background back to one of my favourite graphic design pictures ive done and deleted the mundo folder and start menu folder.

i urge you. if you get an email asking you to download league, DO. NOT. DOWN. LOAD. LEAGUE. ESPECIALLY if it's an email saying it's a stand-alone game. please. I beg you. I;ve had nightmares for days.

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