Sonic.VIDEO: Difference between revisions

== The Scary Sturgeon General's Warning ==

Believe it or not, '''smoking will wipe you out'''. Reading this story will '''make you die of Type 2 Unfunny Jokes'''. You have. been. ''WARNED''.

I am a ''big'' fan of '''''Sonic The Hedgehog'''''. So much so, to '''where I weigh approximately 3,000 lbs'''. I like '''the games''', '''the movies''', '''the comics''', '''the cartoons''', and '''Yan The Hedgehog'''. However, ''that all changed one day'' when '''Billy''', my pesky friend, decided '''to mail me a copy of Sonic.VIDEO''', an '''unreleased game by SEGA and Gajin Studios'''. This is what the message said:

 

 

''Boy'', do ''I'' have a ''suprise'' for ''you''! I found this game at '''a garage sale at some redneck's house'''. He told me that the game is '''great and that it isn't a game filled with jumpscares''', '''hyper-realism''', or '''phoned-in religious references'''. ''I think you'll like it''!

 

Your "good" pal,

'''Billy'''

 

 

 

== My Gameplay "Experience" ==

The game started off with '''a bloody Sonic The Hedgehog title screen''', with '''a strange blue Commander.VIDEO-like creature coming out of it''', '''wagging his middle finger from side to side''' with '''a very loud version of Angel Island Zone''' (from '''''Sonic The Hedgehog 3''''') '''playing in the background'''. I thought, "This game must've been ''too mature'' for its title audience!", before I was shocked when '''Yusuke Kitagawa''' was shown on '''a perfectly normal title screen for a split-second'''. That guy is ''so'' infamous, but after all, he ''is'' techinically '''a''' '''SEGA character because Atlus''' (which '''is owned by SEGA''') '''created him'''.

 

I then went to the '''file selection screen''', which had '''three playable characters shown on it'''. None of them were ''at all'' characters from '''''Sonic The Hedgehog'''''. Not even '''Yan The Hedgehog''' herself was here! The first one was '''a strange wheel-type creature with one eye in the middle of the tire'''. The second one was '''a fat purple and green colored lizard''', and '''the last one was a yellow man with purple pants with an upside-down "M" on his hat'''. I started up the first file, out of a rush to stop hearing '''the terrifying song''', which kept saying, "Your backyard friends. '''The Backyardigans'''". I then heard '''a high-pitched version of Kefka's laugh''', which made me pee my own Gucci pants. I then used some toilet paper to clean myself, before starting to play the game.

 

The wheel-type creature went through '''a prehistoric landscape''' with '''green sky and water'''. The '''mountains were purple''', and '''there were many signs that told you not to go any further''', as '''Sonic.VIDEO''' was waiting for the player. When the wheel got there, he stared at a blank blue square. The square then morphed into '''the strange creature from the title screen''', and he said, "Hey, you! ''Get outta' town''!". The level then changed to '''a burning landscape with palm trees in the background''' and '''a scary song that said''', "'''Watch out for my body rolls'''!" '''over and over again'''.The creature then chased after the wheel, before '''a bloody red CGI banana shown up on the screen for a split second'''. He '''then killed the wheel''', and a '''loud screaming noise was played'''. He then said, "Give me 'dat '''Strawberry Jelly'''". I said "No", and then, he replied and said, "You're ''gonna'' regret this one day, fatso". ''I am not fat''!

 

The next level was a level called, "'''You Can Run'''", which '''took place in a bloody landscape''' that resembled '''Scrap Brain Zone''' from '''the first game'''. The '''playable character was the fat lizard from earlier'''. His '''only special move''' was done '''by pressing''' "'''X'''" '''on the keyboard to make him pull out a stop sign'''. He walked through the level before '''red static shown up on screen''', with the screen saying, "Woohoo! You ''suck''!", before engaging a fight sequence, in which I had to move the lizard from left to right to avoid the creature. After that, The lizard pulled out the stop sign before the creature killed him, and afterwhich, he said, "Yes, he's dead. And now he's on the floor. No more purple dinosaur". I then yelled, "''How could you do this to '''Barney'''''?", before he said, "Sorry. '''Barney Gumble''' was never an option, fatso. You're ''fat'' like ''him''!". I got really mad about ''that''.

 

Lastly, I played as '''the yellow man with the purple pants''', going '''through a strange area with blood all over the walls''', and '''a neat-looking checkerboard floor'''. He then died as soon as the creature eleported to him, and then a screen came up. The screen said, "'''I AM A COW'''", before it switched to "'''YEAH BOI'''" for a split second. It '''shown distrubing artwork of Sonic.VIDEO seemingly taking a shower with a fat Yusuke Kitagawa'''. The man then died, yelling, "''Waaah''!", before one last level shown up.

 

The last "level", if you could even call it that, was a level in which you played as '''Patrick Star''', going through '''a bloody landscape full of corpses and chains hanging from the ceiling'''. Afterwhich, he got killed '''by his evil counterpart''' (A.K.A. '''EVIL PATRIXXX'''), before '''the creature said''', <blockquote><span lang="ru" dir="ltr">Меня зовут '''Соник.ВИДЕО'''. Спасибо, что играете в мою видеоигру. Я собираюсь доставить вам на дом пиццу с соусом халапеньо вместо соуса маринара с фаршированной корочкой и соусом из ранчо из буйволиного мяса. Лучше заплати, а то сдохнешь, ''толстяк''!!</span></blockquote>''Oh dear''! ''I don't have any money for pizza''! I do like though, that '''the pizza has jalepeno sauce instead of pizza sauce'''. He was ''even'' gonna give me '''a buffalo ranch dip to eat it with'''! However, '''I dreaded the moment where I had to pay for the pizza itself'''.

[[Category:Vidya games]]

[[Category:Hyper-realistic]]

[[Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck]]

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