Stupid doll thing (from hell or whatever)

Part 1

So my brother and I have a prank war going on, typically buying stupid an embarrassing gifts for each others birthdays, but this time he's gone too far. I mean sure, I rigged his last present so a mix of pig blood and cow shit exploded in his face, but who hasn't done that?

So anyway, on my birthday I opened the present he gave me (I had ductaped a knife to a broomstick to open it from a distance, as any sensible person) and it revealed a doll. A stupid, ugly doll, in the shape of a man with a goat head. Only his constant maniacal cackling indicated that something was awry.

After careful examination, while our parents lamented our clever pranks ruined family gatherings, I couldn't find anything that would indicate foul play. Was the doll itself the prank? It was hideous, and made from some strange material with markings all over it, but surely, ruining my home with poor taste in decor was beneath my brother. Later that night, I discovered the true nature of his prank...

Part 2

So in my previous post, I told you how my brother got me an ugly doll as a prank; I thought the prank was the doll itself, having such an ugly doll in my home would surely scare off all the countless gorgeous women that I totally have sex with all the time. I was wrong.

After my brother and my guests had left my birthday party, I threw the doll into the pile of crap I keep behind the couch, played video games while drinking beer and eventually I went to bed. My rest was short lived, however. In the middle of the night, I woke, only to see the doll at the foot of my bed, floating in mid-air!

It's eyes, on it's hideous goat head glowed a violent red, as did the strange symbols carved on it's body. Like a laserpointer, the symbols were projected on the walls, the residual light bathing my bedroom in a dark red color, fluctuating like the fires of hell. And then, it spoke...

Part 3

I had trapped the doll from hell in a bucket with a brick on it, and went to take a shit. Afterwards, I went back to bed. I couldn't get any decent sleep because the doll kept banging against the inside of the bucket, sometimes urging me to set fire to everything. Eventually, I heard a knock on the front door.

Carefully, I made my way to the door and opened it. To my surprise, none other than the King himself was there to see me. "Somedudethatisbored, I don't have surveilence on every house in the kingdom, but somehow I know that you saved the kingdom, and indeed the world from the Ragnapocalypse! Also, sniff you should flush after you take a shit."

As a reward for saving the world, I was granted a palace, the princess' hand in marriage and the title of Royal Keeper of Reality (I keep it real). My brother's prank was a good one, but it kind of backfired on him. Still, the rules of the prank war dictate that I get him back, and I found a really neat book in the library, called the Necronomicon.

Also, did you notice that a guy has been standing behind you all this time?

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Credited to Somedudethatisbored 

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