The Diary

Almost 10 years ago, my brother committed suicide. I just found his diary today in a secret panel in his room while i was helping my parents move out. The 12th to last page was... odd.

January 10th, 2008 - Wow, awesome!! My parents got me Portal! Can't wait to play it!

January 11th, 2008 - Okay, the game is glitching. When I see myself I go all rainbowy and stuff. But this only happens for like a millisecond. I told my friend Jacob and he just said that I needed to clean the disc

January 13th, 2008 - I did clean the disc, but when I fought GLaDoS, she mumbled something about being free. I told my friends about it and they said they heard just the normal lines. Which I guess means I have better hearing. This is a weird (but cool) game.

January 16th, 2008 - Chell won't move where I tell her to. One time a text bubble popped up saying "I want to be free -Doug Rattmann". this is creeping me out. I told my friends about it but they all say nothing like that is happening with their games.

January 20th, 2008 - When I got to the final level of the game again,I fought GLaDoS. The walls had NOTE: this was all he had written, there was also a small amount of what appeared to be blood on the page.

January 26th, 2008 - I'm starting to get it all, what Rattmann is telling me. We communicate. I speak to him, he pops up a bubble. What's the point of life. I have to work hard in school, only to then work harder in college, then a job. Only to what? Die. Doug is the only person that told me why this world is useless. He told about how he is just a mindless mass of pixels that came together just for me, just to tell me to be free from the disappointments.

February 4th, 2008 - I told my friends about what was happening, they all said I was a "downer" and a "creep" This was disapointment #1

February 7th, 2008 - I told Rattmann about the therapy and the medications my parents put me on. He told me to ignore it all and how I was going to be free soon enough. He also said Chell loves me, but because Chell was in a TV, this would end up being another disappointment. The second of many that would come later.

February 13th, 2008 - Doug pretended to kill himself. I was shocked at first, But before I turned the console off, he got back up! He said he could connect me with more people he freed. It was weird since he had a hole in his head. But who cares. P.S. I asked him why he did it, he said "just to have fun with you." Can't wait for more!

February 18th, 2008 - I met new friends. All who were freed. They gave me a knife through the TV (which at first was scary) and said "use it when we decide the time is right to free you."

February 19th, 2008 - We had another meeting. My idiotic parents barged in but Rattmann quickly switched backed to the game. After a long useless talk. We went for ice cream and shit. Fuck them. The free people told me how when I was leaving this wretched place, I would join them, in a disappointment free and better life. Where kids my age and older were going to be there, with Rattmann, and other people he said were going to be my friends.

February 20th, 2008 - I can't wait! I've never been so happy! I'm going to be free! I'm going to live in paradise with my new friends, Rattmann and I are going to have so much fun! So much! I can't wait! Rattmann told me how he knew I was writing this and told me to hide it so no one knows our "little secret"! I can't wait to be free!

This was the last page he wrote, sadly, it was on the same day as his suicide. The Portal game along with the Xbox 360 were all taken away for evidence. I think the most startling fact is that he talked about the game talking to him. Which made no sense. He was being tested for schizophrenia at the time, so I guess I could leave it at that. But that doesn't explain why it was so sudden. Or why he stopped preaching about being free after what happened at school. Or how he got the knife in the first place. When I showed my parents this, they simply dismissed it as him going insane. When I asked "how would someone go this crazy in a month?", they were puzzled. I'm still helping them move out tomorrow, so I can still snoop around and see if I catch anything else that's out of the ordinary...

The Diary

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