The End of Books
Hi, I am a high school teenager and totally not a twenty-something adult living at home possessing all the qualities of 'my mom still wipes my bum'. School's such a drag, am I right fellow teens? Man book reports, blech, lol. I remember those because I do them all the time. I don't ever read all the way to the end of a book tho because I am so busy doing teen things and enjoying the worst years of my life with my friends I totally have! I still give a decent book report, but I always say the ending is a real cliff-hanger and I just can't spoil it. 'you'll be pleasantly surprised by the end!' I said about 'of mice and men' as well as 'all quiet on the western front'. Somehow my teacher caught me in my lie. My teacher is from the old country, like one of the oldest I guess. She wears a shawl all the time and tells fortunes at lunch and between periods. She popped out her fake eye and held it up to me, told me she could see into my mind and knew I didn't finish the book. 'well,' she said, 'if finishing books isn't important to you, I guess you won't mind never finishing one again!' and I thought I was going to be in trouble! 'sounds great!' I thought. At lunch someone handed me a book 'man, you have to read this! I know kids hate books and the idea I'm recommending one to you outside of our mandatory reading is preposterous but you really have to read it!' 'well, I guess... can't you just tell me how it ends?' 'no way man! You've got to read it on your own. No spoilers allowed!' well, whatever, I stuffed it in my back pack (kids still use those, right?). later that night instead of playing xbox or those goddamn video games I love so much, or going on the iTunes, I took out the book. It was surprisingly great! It was really great! It was amazing! I was just getting to the final chapter when... what? The pages were all blank! It was four in the morning, I had been reading all night. I almost called my friend who lent it to me but it was just way too early. I went online to google search the novel... nothing! How could this be??? Finally seven o'clock rolled around and I called my friend. 'it's the damnedest thing! I really don't remember the end.' I ran to the local book store, determined to buy another copy. Even though kindle is a thing I waited for the store to open. When it did, I bought the book and raced to the final chapter to read it. 'oh, I forget to mention,' the cashier called out to me 'the final chapter in that version is written in brail! Sorry, no refunds!' I had to learn brail! I ran to the library, hoping against hope they would have 'brail for dummies' they did! I flipped to the reference page 'why you need brail' 'brail is good for you' 'let's have tea and talk about blind people' 'how to get your eyes open' 'did you try getting your eyes open?' 'oh, they're still closed?' 'try it again' 'still nothing?' 'I guess you really are blind' the final chapter was called 'actually reading brail in two easy steps'. I raced to the back of the book... someone had ripped out the pages. I cursed my mystic teacher! 'wait!' I thought, 'mystic curses, of course!' I got 'mystic curses for dummies.' I'd tell you how this all ended, but then my curse wouldn't be lifted!
Credited to lucktimedragon
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