The Family Guy Hackers

Ever since i was three, i have been searching for the family guy hackers. I have dedicated my life to searching for the strange group of villains who defile Seth McFarlanes epic show with their malicious code and bizarre symbols. And now, through advanced search algorithms from the deep web, i have found your wretched hive.

I still remember the first time it happened.

I was three, watching a family guy funny moments video with my father. We were laughing at the clip of Stewie and Brian putting their deformed children up for adoption. My brass tuba of my fathers hearty laugh made a sweet melody as it combined with the tiny flute of a child's giggles. Little did i know that the innocence of that moment would be ruined forever.

Just as peter walked into the room, the screen started glitching out. It turned all datamoshed, and fizzled out. The blackness of the screen was soon filed with cascading ones and zeroes, the twin glyphs the made up binary code, the despicable language of hackers. Of course, three year old me didn't understand that. I was just confused. But what happened next traumatized me for life.

As suddenly as it had stopped, the video resumed playing. But this was not the Family Guy i knew and loved. Peter was wearing an anonymous mask and a hoodie that said "computers" on it. "Hey Lois, I got past a firewall!" he said. "This is freakn' sweet!"

But peters defilement was nothing compared to what had happened to Brian. His face had been painted to look like the joker (which, as i later learned, was an appropriation of gamer culture, and he was bleeding hyperrealistic blood from his eyes, except the blood was green and had binary code on it. He held up a Chromebook in which he had written in Microsoft word "SM0K3 W33D". To this day, i am unable to make any sense of this apparently random combination of letters and numbers-most likely it is a "false flag" put there to steer away the Government and the Cops.

I was terrified. This wasn't the epic show i knew! Terrified, i looked to my father for explanation, terrified. Imagine my shock when i saw not the man i once knew, but a pile of gore and organs. The shock of what you did cause my father to explode.

When i tell people about this, they say I'm crazy. They say there's no way i could find you. They say what i'm describing isn't even remotely close to how hacking works. They say that i have to leave Trader Joes because i'm "scaring the customers". But i'm the one laughing now! As you read this, i am using my deep web connections to contact some "friends". You may now them as "inky pinky, blink, and joey the fuckface" And mark my words, they will hunt you down. Say your prayers.

Because this is going to be a funny moment.

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