The Holder of the Fish
In any city, in any country, go to any mental institution or halfway house in you can get yourself to. When you reach the front desk, ask to visit something that calls itself the “Holder of the Fish”. The worker will drool slightly before soiling herself. If you laugh, or show any form of amusement when this occurs, you will spend eternity soiling yourself in Hell, while eunuchs berate you with harsh insults and “yo mama!” jokes.
Should you remain stony faced, the worker will transform into a DEMON. Immediately twirl around 538 times whilst pledging your allegiance to the Fish Lord.
Twirl around even one time less or more, then you will suffer a fate worse than five-hundred and thirty-eight flame filled, agonizing deaths. You will lose your ability to do basic mathematics!
One you have twirled for 538 times, the worker will transform back into their human form, and lead you down a path that wasn't there before, the path seemingly appearing in a 538th dimension, a path seemingly into your own sub-conscious!
Whilst reading this path, you will come across your deepest fears played out in front of you, walls will turn into spiders, clouds will rain snakes, men will hit on you.
Eventually you will come across a portal, not a door. The portal is unlike anything you have ever seen before, It cannot be distinguished whether it be solid, liquid, gas, or plasma.
If you enter this portal, you will certainly receive a vital object. However, if you do not enter, you will also receive another object.
By now the worker has gone, left in his place a familiar smell, the smell of fear and asparagus.
You enter, a sense of dread fills you, your balls tighten in an invisible vice-like grip, you feel wetness in your left ear, your right ear appears to be no longer attached to your head, darkness envelopes you.
Bright light suddenly blinds your vision, you can make out a figure.
The figure approaches you.
It is a man, with an annoying air of smug confidence surrounding him.
You begin to tremble in fear, you recognize him.
The object is a giant dildo, a hastily drawn smiley face drawn on the head.
It’s Ashton Kutcher, you’ve just been Punk'd bitch.
Originally uploaded to the 'Parodies' category of the Holders Wiki
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