The story of Janus: Difference between revisions

 

   It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, Janus, woke up in a swamp. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously displeased, Janus backhanded a ripened avocado, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, he realized that his beloved turd was missing!  Immediately he called his redheaded stepchild of a 'friend', Jeff. Janus had known Jeff for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were sassy ones.  Jeff was unique. He was smart though sometimes a little... insensitive. Janus called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

 

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Jeff was interrupted by four selfish aliens that were lured by his turd. Jeff belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling angered, he aimlessly reached for his dangerous oil-soaked rag and carefully groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief.  That's when he heard the batmobile rolling up.  It was Janus.

 

 

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Big Lots to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late.  With a heroic leap, Janus was out of the batmobile and went explosively jaunting toward Jeff's front door.  Meanwhile inside,  Jeff was panicking.  Not thinking, he tossed the turd into a box of bananas and then slid the box behind his hammock. Jeff was frustrated but at least the turd was concealed.  The doorbell rang.

Jeff looked on, blankly. 'What the hell?  That seemed excessive.  The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Janus. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Janus. 'Oh.  You ..okay?' Still silence. Jeff walked over to the window and looked down. Janus was gone.

 

 

Just yonder, Janus was struggling to make his way through the foxy forest behind Jeff's place. Janus had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength.  Another pack of feral aliens suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the turd.  One by one they latched on to Janus.  Already weakened from his injury, Janus yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed.  The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of aliens running off with his turd.