There's a Very Rude Ghost Living in my Basement and She Has Five Rules
I woke up in a cold sweat at the witching hour of 3:00am and went downstairs to get some water. I was very thirsty. Also I really wanted to have to wake up a few hours later with an intense urge to pee. You understand.
I heard some scary howling coming from the basement, and me being the smartest human being on the face of this godforsaken planet that I am, I went to investigate. I pulled the door open and it creaked eerily. Creaking things are just super eerie when it's dark outside and when there's howling coming from the other side.
I flicked the switch on and the light popped out. Great. I assumed it was wiring. Our house was only ten years old but if it were a phone, it'd be considered very old. So yeah. Old wiring.
"H--hello?" I squeaked.
"Sup, bruh?" The voice echoed off all the walls but seemed to be coming from the Wii.
"The Wii's alive?" I asked. "I'm sorry I've neglected you since 2010! Please, don't hurt me!"
"What are you blubbering about?" From behind the Wii came a glowing smoke sort of thing that morphed into a female form.
"I thought you were the Wii. But you're a ghost!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and pounded up the stairs, but the door slammed shut in my face.
"Hold on!" she said. "I'm going to kill you. But if you follow my rules, I'll spare you."
"Rules? What rules?" I was utterly appalled that I was kept hostage in my own house and home.
"Alright, here goes." She cracked her ghostly knuckles and began. I'm writing this in bullet points because as she spoke, the words manifested in a very convenient list form.
- Don't get water at 3am. That's when I nap, and I hate being woken up >: (
- Invite me upstairs for your pizza nights on Fridays. I'm lonely!
- Get the stupid water heater fixed, the creaking is obnoxious.
- Don't talk to Old Man Jenkins, the ghoul that lives in the sewer, if you didn't know.
- Finally, eat the ouija board in the attic.
"First of all, I had no idea we had a haunted sewer. Second of all, I don't eat board games."
"Well, then. I guess I'll have to kill you!" She brandished a knife and smiled creepily.
"Ok, ok, fine!" I yelped, holding my hands up. "See you for pizza tomorrow, and I'll uh.... go eat the board for breakfast. Is that ok? I'm sleepy."
"How do you think I feel? You woke me up!" the ghost pouted.
"Touche. Good night, then?"
"Whatever."
The door opened on its own accord and I cautiously stepped out and slipped on a banana peel. I hope that ghost pays rent...
follow r/thanoschungus or feel the wrath of the other banana peel in the trash
Credited to mysticaltater
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