Nightmare on Sesame Street
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NSFW WARNING
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I am looking for a particular lost movie. You see, I worked for my local PBS station, WVIA, and I fucking hated it. I only did the job for my $750,000 salary. PBS wanted people to clear out their catalog as a prank so people would think they’re the new BBC. As BBC used to wipe all their tapes.
I found the specific movie, “Nightmare on Sesame Street”, and asked if I could go and watch it. They agreed, as they regret the film, so I stayed in the VHS storage room watching it on the VCR.
I just want to point out, it was a very wrong movie. Its budget apparently was $300 million, but it looks like it was made on a $300 fucking budget. The theme song was the exact opposite; instead of being positive it was negative (like it replaced sunny day with shitty day).
Another thing is every character was played by themselves?! Except for Grover, who is played by Troy Bobber, who did everything behind the scenes and has no other film credits, and Bert and Ernie who play the other character.
Anyways, the film starts with Gordon introducing himself saying, “welcome to Sesame Street, it’s Halloween everyone will be Trick or Treating soon”. Baby Bear said, “YAY!!! I love Trick or Treating, I get free candy in a goddamn costume,” I thought, “AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Looks like Baby Bear is going to be the main character”.
For added context, I fucking hate Baby Bear. It’s almost as if Sesame Workshop added this little prick because they fucking hate us. His character feels worse than if someone murdered everyone you know and love, then the police say, “you know what, we’ll let him get away with this shit, because fuck you that’s why”.
Anyways, Baby Bear goes Trick or Treating, but oh no. Something scary and paranormal happens, we’ll get to it later, I’ll explain how it happened. So, there’s this guy in the movie called Godlys who’s definitely NOT played by me. It's a different Godlys.
Godlys was a comedian and actor who suddenly fell off harder than EDP and Simba’s dad from The Lion King combined. It’s because he was involved in this movie, forced to be in it. And it was so bad it wrongfully ruined his career.
Anyways, Godlys says, “ah yes, my ’turn everything it touches into a hill thingamajig’ is almost done, just got to test it out”. He tested it, and it worked. But he slipped on a rock because he decided to test it on his house like a dumbass. So, he fell off the cliff like a dumbass, of course. Before falling, he said ”oh shit!” His fall looked real and clearly had an effect on him in the movie.
Godlys screamed, “AHHHHHH!!!! OW!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! FUCKING COCK!!! COCKING COCK!!! COCKING SUCK!!! COCKING FUCK!!! FOR FUCKS SAKE! DAMN COCK SUCKING DICK FUCKING STUPID ASS MOTHERFUCKERING SHITTY HILL!!!! FUCK!!!”. Finally, the branches saved him. He said, ”thank God, hold me for a while midget branches, I'm just going to lie here until the pain goes away”.
The branches didn't support him for long and he fell again. Godlys screamed, ”AHHHH!!!! OWIE ZOWIE!!! NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN!!!! GOD DAMN IT, NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN, IT’S FUCKING HELL!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!! I WANT MY FUCKING MOMMY OR SOME SHIT OF SORTS!!!! IT HIT MY BALLS!!! WAHHHHHHH!!!!! FUCKING COCK!!!! SUCKING COCK!!!! COCKING FUCK!!!! COCKS!!!!”.
He finally ended the long, rather painful, fall. “What in the hell was that all about,” Godlys asked, ”at least it's all over,” he continued. But he accidentally clicked the ”spawn 3 threatening ghosts” button twice. He screamed again, ”AHHHHHHH!!!! THE FUCK?! THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT ABOUT?! Ok, I get it, this is hell and resentment for all the naughty no no shit I did. For the living of Jesus Fucking Christ, I’LL CONFESS!!!!,” he screamed.
“I was the one who green-lighted Velma! I was the one who claimed Teen Titans Go was your new favorite show! I was Jack the Ripper! I was the one who eliminated half the universe with a snap! And finally, I was the one who encouraged John ”should be behind bars” Kricfalusi to live with minors. Just end my motherfucking misery!” he continued.
Gordon chimed into the scene and said, ”oh my lord, Godlys, are you ok”. Godlys said, "dumbass, I'm not ok, clearly none of this is fucking ok, if I said it was, I'd be a shitty ass liar,” Gordon went and picked Godlys up and I thought at this point the movie was good, especially from Godlys. So why did this ruin his career? "Eh, I couldn't give two shits about the ghosts, it's not a big deal, but should I tell him,” thought Godlys.
Baby Bear saw the 6 meanie ghosts and screamed, ”AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!”. Honestly, I can't blame him. It's hard for me to get scared and the jumpscare of the ghosts made me, a grown up, shit and piss my pants. He ran and said, “Gordy, Gordy, Gordy, there's ghosts on 123 Sesame Street,”.
Gordon comforted him and said, ”ah, Baby Bear, don't worry, it's likely just your imagination, if it's real, I'll contact the rest of The Sesameits,” until he saw the scary ghosts! He tried to remain calm, but still blurted out a ”fuck” and "shit”. I laughed at hearing the forbidden f and s words.
Meanwhile, Jafar was traveling to KingSombraLand to finally murder Aladdin and he met King Sombra who was planning on doing the same thing, they quickly became the bestest of friends and made absolutely horrendous ”jokes” while trying to kill Aladdin. But they had a falling because of Jafar’s plan to turn the world into a giant chocolate chip cookie, I'm not even fucking joking.
“Bro, you're not joking, making the world into a cookie is the most braindead piece of shit I ever heard,“ Sombra pointed out, ”fuck no, making the fucking world into a shitty cookie is the smartest fucking thing ever! Go fuck yourself,” Jafar screamed.
Wow, what an amazing dialogue! Surely, Troy Bobber must've asked Pixar to write that one. Actually, he did! And they purposely made bad dialogue and John Lasseter sent them a note that said, ”go fuck yourself,” with a picture of him mooning and flipping him off! Troy was too lazy, so he kept it.
Anyways, Gordon got ALMOST everyone. Except for Caillou and Elmo. “Say, where's Caillou and Elmo,” Gordon asked, ”they were supposed to come 30 minutes ago”. ”AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” I thought, "looks like Caillou’s being part of the movie”. I shouldn't even have to add extra context on why I hate this bald bitch. If you Google “Caillou hate”, there's about 1 and a quarter million results!
Then, it shows Caillou, with a blender, and Elmo. ”Ok, Elmo, you've been acting 3 since the 1980s,” Caillou stated, ”so I created a game that'll make you act your age: 'Elmo sticks his alarmingly humongous penis in a blender and has sex with it while It's on'”. ”Ooh, Elmo thinks this game will be funner than the one where Elmo closed his eyes and Caillou gave Elmo a ’big surprise’,” Elmo stated. Elmo played the game, his penis fell off, it died, and the penis became a sentient ghost!
“TROLOLLOLOLZLOLZLOL!!!!!” Caillou laughed, ”I lied, I did it to make your pp fall off”. ”HEY, MR. GUYWITHMANTITS,” Elmo screamed, “ELMO DOES NOT WANT TO LISTEN TO A GUY WITH A PENIS THAT’S 1/14 OF A MILLIMIMETER WITH 1 TESTICLE THAT CAN ONLY BE SEEN WITH A MICROSCOPE”!!!!!!!!
I gasped and blood tears flew down my eyes, while I was shaking. It might've been funny, but I still threw up enough to feed the entire U.S. population for 10 years. As Elmo was my childhood, he might be an annoying bastard, but him not being an innocent child ruined my childhood. “God damn, that wasn't intentional, but it still made Elmo act his age,” Caillou thought. Elmo’s mom came, shocking Caillou. I thought he was legit fucked, and dead shit on a stick, but I was wrong. Elmo's mom said, ”I would've told your parents, Caillou, but Gordon sent you and Elmo on a 'mission’, besides, Elmo does need to mature”. That made me really pissed!
It showed Godlys again. Remember when I said his fall affected him for the rest of the movie? This scene especially showed it, he walked as if he was the drunkest and highest man in history with his henchmen looking for more minions. ”Ehh, excuse me miss, would you like to be brainwashed,” Godlys said, she said, ”hell no, you're walking like a fucking pervert, stop or I'll kick you in the nuts”. Godlys replied, ”ehhh, I'm not being a pervert, I'm just trying to get some minions,“ she, of course, kicked him painfully in the nuts. ”Ehhh, it's better than nothing,” Godlys stated.
Wow, what amazing writing! Surely, Troy Bobber sent this to Illumination to write it. Actually, he did! Except Illumination bought the rights to make it into a horrible franchise. Expect to see “Minions 3: The War with The Sesameits” coming soon to a theater near you on 4/20/69.
“We should file a missing report, Gordon,” Arthur said, ”fuck no,” said Peppa Pig. "I don't want those annoying bitches here,” she continued. ”Oh, shit they're gone, but at least the only annoying ones I'll deal with are Baby Bear and Abby,” Gordon said, not realizing Elmo and Caillou arrived, like a dumbass. ”SHIT DICK ASS MONSTER! SO FUCKING CLOSE! THEY ALSO HEARD ME BITCHING LIKE A HYPOCRITE!!!!” Gordon yelled, finally losing it after over 54 years of holding his anger. He threw a vase making his cat get scared and run.
Then, it showed Jafar and King Sombra, now friends again? But soon they have another falling. “Turning the Earth into a giant chocolate chip cookie is such a funny trolling move, I can't wait to do my mischievous tomfoolery,“ King Sombra said. "Uh, no it's my idea, therefore it's my mischievous tomfoolery, quit saying everything good is because of you,” Jafar pointed out. Officially, they're enemies again!
“Wait, the world into a giant cookie,“ Cookie Monster said, and had a heart attack of joy. Suddenly, CNN turns on. “Welcome to CNN, I'm ’Reporter Kermit the Froggo’ and today, I'm back in 123 Sesame Street to announce Cookie Monster died,” Kermie said. "I'm here with fellow citizen Godlys and the Dr. The Count at Cookie Monster’s deathbed :(,” he continued. ”Well, how did he croak, Godlys,” Kermit asked. ”It's because he's been fucking eating nothing but cookies since 1969 and smoked an assload of meth retard,” Godlys pointed out.
“Dr. Count, you clearly did a horrible job, why didn't you even try,“ Kermit asked. ”I tried everything, I gave him one vaccine, ahahah, two vaccines, ahahah, three vaccines, ahahaah...,” Count said. ”Alright; we get it, I forgot how much I fucking hated you, shut the fuck up,” Kermit raged in the most respectful way possible. “Well folks, I got to go before Disney thinks I got kidnapped, nobody fucks with the Muppets,“ Kermit said as a farewell.
I saw Elmo's sentient penis ghost slowly flying in a random person’s brain. He went to the 6 other ghosts and said, "hello, can I join you guys in some of the usual buffoonery," the sentient dick ghost asked. ”Sure, 7 ‘head‘ ghosts are bigger and better than 6, just don't cum here, tehehehehe,” one of the other 6 ghosts answered.
“Well, we lost Cookie Monster,” Rosita stated the fucking obvious. ”So, we'll have two guest stars here, an extra in case someone else dies, they are: Kim Kardashian and Shrek”. I'm just going to skip Shrek for the most part, as he was Troy Bobber's way to add homophobia and filler. His character was all about him being bishrekual and making fun of bisexuals. When he gets exposed by Grover for his actions, he says, “hey hey hey, I don't want to do it, I have to as I'm bishrekual,” like an infertile dickhead. Anyways, Kim K. was saying hello to everyone kindly before unintentionally seeing Elmo’s dickless crotch. She said, ”lol, hey Mr. Dickless, at least you can see Caillou’s without a microscope”. She's a meanie as she makes many jokes about Elmo's PP-less self,
As the epic journey to find the ghosts started, it became apparent that Elmo became a marijuana addict. It becomes factual when Elmo screams, “GIVE ELMO DA MOTHAFUCKING MAIJUANA!!!!!!!” Goldie simply replies, ”I'm not giving in to your addiction, it even made you lose your grammar,” but Elmo screams, “ITS SIMPLE ENGLISH MOTHAFUCKA, DO U FUCKING SPEAK IT, ELMO FUCKING NEEDS IT!!!!!!!!!!!”. Goldie, as a result, says, ”you treat those drugs like it's your religion, the logic on that is the Kardashian’s logic in existing”.
Elmo eventually got tired of all his no-pp jokes. So, he said, ”Elmo has to take a long, hard shit, bye bye”. But what The Sesameits didn't know is that he smoked much more marijuana and went on a killing spree. But, guess, who did he especially kill? If you guessed the blacks and gays, you're not just wrong, but you're also extremely racist and homophobic! He especially killed people having sex.
An example is he killed Dr. Trayaurus while he was having anal at work. "TRAYAURUS, I TOLD YOU TO HAVE NO ANAL IN VIDEOS,” DanTDM screamed, ”YOU FILTHY CUNT, YOU DISGUSTING TWAT,” he continued. I absolutely love how Brits think cunt and twat are the worst words ever, twat is nothing outside of the U.K. and cunt is a slur against women, making them sexiest!
Elmo ran in to Trayaurus having anal while Elmo smoked more marijuana. “Elmo fucking hates you, Elmo wants you to die, bye bye,” Elmo said. What he didn't know was Trayaurus had a massive catalogue of weaponry, but Elmo still won the very short battle.
Soon, Elmo finally returned. ”Where the fuck were you at, we're almost at the climax,” said Abby, ”Elmo was taking a shit, it was constipation,” Elmo claimed. ”Now, we must kill The Sesameits for the actions they did,” said Godlys, “no, they can't kill us," exclaimed Peppa, ”we must do something,” stated Arthur.
They got the boombox and started playing the soundtrack of The Sesameits National Anthem. “We are The Sesameits, we fight for loyalty in the world," they sang. ”Oh god, we're going to die,” exclaimed one of henchmen, ”no we won't, as long as we do our chant," said Godlys. ”Heil Godlys, kill all The Sesameits, for the things they did,” Godlys and his henchmen chanted, while The Sesameits continued their anthem.
“We're clearly massively outnumbered, so bombs launch out of my man-vagina,” exclaimed Caillou. The bombs killed all the henchmen in the battle. ”No,” said Godlys, ”I can't lose, I got to walk up to them and kill them,” he continued. So he went, still walking as drunk and high, and The Sesameits tripped him with a fucking string! “Oh, losing doesn't seem fun, I think is just wet myself, it feels rather nice,” Godlys said before he died, proving this is a fetish and pedo movie.
So, the ghosts come out of Godlys making the reveal that it's Elmo’s sentient cock, Jim Henson, Frank Oz, Mr. Rogers, Mr. Hooper, Firebunneh, and Uncle Jack. Most of them scolded The Sesameits for their actions throughout the film. Firebunneh said that he did this because they killed him right before Sesame Street's premiere. But Elmo’s wiener was very pissed. ”You guys cut me off my owner, I'm going to war with you and kill Caillou," screamed Elmo’s cock. ”Elmo, do something, if you side with us, he will,” everyone said, "fuck no, I side with my manhood, you jackasses deserve this shit,” Elmo said after smoking more marijuana.
So there became the battle, Elmo and his sentient ghost penis vs everyone else. Eventually Big Bird finally got a line by saying, ”angels are singing, oh my lord, it's Chuck Norris, he's back from heaven he's the best thing ever, oh shit he just kicked Elmo in the balls, which it's weird he has balls but no cock”. Then Oscar the Grouch, Sonic the Hedgehog, Mario, Batman, Slenderman, Jeff the Killer, Max Headroom, The Rake, Smile-Dog, Siren Head, Indiana Jones, Godzilla, Mickey Mouse, SpongeBob and every single U.S. president ever came into the fight. Flint Lockwood randomly came into the scene and cut everyone’s wiener.
Joker got all pissed that he was left with no manhood. So he decided to blow up the world. Shaq went to save the world and beat up the button.
However, Jackie Chan and Daniel Craig secretly had no penises the whole time, so they both went to the scene trying to murder Shaq, who was saved by Kevin Heart.
Honestly, the entire fight scene made me question what the fuck kind of shit I was writing, I mean reading. But, Jeff the Killer’s knockoff, Bleff the Biller came to fight Jeff and get all the attention.
“Ready to die, Jeff, LOL,” Bleff the Biller said, as if he was a troll. “Fuck no, I would rather become a father to a night one stand from a girl’s ugly pussy,” Jeff the Killer said, epically roasting Bleff.
Mario and Sonic were actually honestly just having a kitty fight. It seems fucking stupid, but who cares it’s supposed to be a silly and stupid movie. Honestly, I find Mario and Sonic silly gooses, as a war was happening, yet they had a kitty fight while the citizens watched in shock.
The battle was epic and legendary, with good guys, bad guys, and explosions, but EVIL PATRIXXX (hyperrealistic and with blood all over him) threw a frozen condom filled with Diet Coke and Mentos gum at the ghost penis, and he beat Mario and Sonic up to death with a dirty diaper. Declaring victory, he said, ”it's the end of penisization as we know it”! And as the legend goes, whenever he wins, he stabs himself to himself to death for him to be cloned, which happened.
Let’s share a moment of silent sadness to all the lives lost the battle. I honestly wish Optimus Prime was the one who killed Megatron and not the other way around. Imagine how amazing that would be. Anyway I wanna know why Jafar and King Sombra didn’t fight each other in the battle. Oops, did I just talk over the entire moment of silent sadness? Ha, I’m so quirky!
Anyways, after the credits, which were basically a memorial for everyone who was involved in a shitty movie, played there was a post credit scene. Jafar and King Sombra, who are friends again, finally did their plan. But a giant ghost of Cookie Monster came and said, ”wow, a giant cookie just for me,” and ate up, "yay, yummy cookie,” he said. Which caused Jafar and King Sombra to have another falling. And Eric Cartman says, ”that's all folks”!
(Continues typing:) Something about this film after made me jump off the building and run home, it’s just that it felt like I was abused and tortured, rather than watching a horrendous “film”. After, I went to WVIA to talk about this horrendous movie, and they apologized. “Sorry, fellow worker, Godlys, we had an employee back in the day named Troy Bobber who made those god-awful shit, he got fired once the episode about Elmo's Uncle Jack’s death, because he made that ‘film’, we don't know why he had Frank Oz a ghost, as he's still alive,” the CEO pointed out.
We talked for hours about random silly shit like how big Elmo’s mom’s tits were. (Snickers: that's so funny!) And there was also a reveal that Troy had a mental illness proving once and for all that poor mental health makes people make the lost episodes that are known. Oh, and there's something to do with Grover, Ernie, and Bert.
But who the hell cares, it's finally done, my magnum opus Trollpasta, Nightmare on Sesame Street, done in an entire day at work! Now I just got to post it, NO!!!! I just sent it to Hollywood as my first movie idea. I’M FUCKED!!!! Wait, why the hell do they want $300 million to make it PG. Oh shit, it's happening!
Honey, I'm home. Oh, wait I forgot I'm an alone virgin for life. (Call 1:) Hey, Godlys, I heard you made Nightmare on Sesame Street. I heard it's so bad, the nazis and communists are using it as weapons. (Call 2:) Hey, Godlys, heard you made Nightmare on Sesame Street, the first movie to get a negative percentage on rotten tomatoes. (Call 3:) Hey, Godlys, so you can't get away with making it, I made a DVD with proof that you made Nightmare on Sesame Street. I sent you the first copy for free to cheer you up.
Wahhhhh!!!!!! (Spills milk on ground, throws DVD in garbage disposal, and throws coffee mugs) Why Hollywood, why?!!!! (Grabs pan and beats the mess up) They want me to do this. (After the crazy tantrum:) Wahhhhhhhhhh.
For those of you creepypasta makers foolish enough to watch Nightmare on Sesame Street, I won't lie to you, you'll likely die of how bad it is. You have my sympathies. Its scars in the heart stay deep within. Beware of the film.
But remember, one thing, one thing only. I did not make the movie. It always will be Troy Bobber. I destroyed the “proof” so there’s none.
Not only that, the proof was faker than Kim Kardashian’s fucking ass or some shit. Besides, Troy Bobber made it first.
I wasn’t the first to see it tho. Fred saw it and found it terrifying. However, he rated the movie 3 cats with rabies out of 5. So he kind of enjoyed this shitty film. Goodbye.
Written by Godlys
Content is available under CC BY-SA
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