A Small Bit of Belt: Difference between revisions
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Autoerotic asphyxiation is the worst way to go.
Of course I never really left.
It
It
I had decided to make the best of my situation and began to wrap myself up in the lives of the couple rather than wallow in boredom. The girlfriend was named Alison and she ran a relatively successful artisanal craft business selling necklaces, bracelets, hair clips, and other items. The boyfriend was called Bobby and worked as a store manager for PetCo. I quickly learned about their quirks, habits, and mannerisms as I studied them. Observing them was like watching a sit-com (but like a really bad one where they slowly dig themselves deeper in debt and never really solve any of their life problems in thirty minutes). With nothing else to do, these people became my only means of staving off boredom.
It
It
As they were eating in silence, I reached down and slowly started to move the bucket of chicken he brought home across the table. Both of them watched in shock as I slowly shifted the bucket towards Alison and tilted it towards her so she could grab another wing. I
Alison swatted the bucket of chicken away and ran into the bedroom while Bobby followed her. I decided against following them and proceeded to try and pick up the fried bits of chicken littering the floor. I heard Bobby consoling her as she frantically moved around the bedroom. By the time I got everything picked up, she had come out with a suitcase and left the apartment saying something about spending a week at a motel while they sorted everything out. Bobby followed her trying to talk her out of leaving. I think he did that because they
Before both of them went to bed for the night, Bobby asked, "Is there anyone here?"
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"Anyone?"
He waited a few moments before his eyes lit up with an idea. He moved over to
The next morning he woke up to the
The suspense was murder. Imagine not being able to talk to anyone for over three months only to then be pulled into a random conversation. My mind raced at what I wanted to tell them as they read over the rules. I imagined all the questions they would ask about the afterlife and the answers I would give them. Slowly but surely we would become the best of friends and they might even pick up letters on a refrigerator so I could remind them when they needed to pick up their groceries or pay their bills. Maybe I could even convince them to leave the tv on when they went to bed so I could have something to do other than watch them sleep. (
They eventually started the game and began invoking any spirits nearby. I
I agreed and moved the planchet towards the "YES" corner. They audibly gasped and Alison pulled her hands away from the planchet. I kept moving it, giddy at the prospect of chatting up my guests and making myself know to them.
Bobby continued, "Are you the one
Once again I moved it to "YES". I wanted to get the basics out of the way first. Once they understood and got our introductions out there we could move on to the more important questions.
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"How did you die?"
I moved them to "NO". I decided that telling them about my auto-erotic adventures was probably not the best start to a friendship. They also probably
"Are you saying you
"NO". I decided that telling the truth was probably the best decision. Maybe in the future I could tell them the whole scenario, tell them about how drunk I was when I decided wrapping a belt around my neck from the door of the closet while I touched myself was a good idea. Telling them now might convince them that I was some sexual deviant. Everyone has their own kinks, I
Bobby recovered and continued, "You
This
"Come on man, give us something here.
"NO". At this point, I really wished that this conversation would have gone differently as I had a few comments thought up that could have possibly broken the ice some.
"
Alison whimpered, "Bobby,
Bobby pressed on, "Who the fuck are you?!"
I
They
Alison did most of the talking while Bobby fidgeted awkwardly in his seat. I
The Danny DeVito knockoff listened patiently for a while before excusing himself to use the restroom. Bobby and Alison whispered amongst themselves and I caught a few words in their exchange:
The medium brushed himself off in embarrassment before saying, "Did you see that?! This spirit is malevolent. It just shifted the table out to hit me. We need to take care of this right away. I would like to talk to the entity with the Ouija board to see what
Bobby and Alison were fine with expediting the process and taking care of it then and there so they set up the board and lit some candles. All while this was happening, the medium set up incense and laid items before him; a cross, a rosary, a vial of what I could only assume was holy water, and a talisman of sorts. The incense smelled overpowering, like the kind of thing a teenager would light in their room to cover up the smell of pot. Once everything was set up, they began to use the Ouija board and summoned me.
Danny
I decided at this point that I
The medium reasoned after five minutes of nothing, "This entity
The Penguin whispered something under his breath before saying in a stern voice, "What is your name demon!?" The pull towards the Ouija board was too much now. I reached out and put my hands on the planchet. I felt compelled to communicate something so when he commanded I speak, I began moving the planchet and spelling out the letters.
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I kept moving the planchet and managed to spell out the letters "D-I-" before I was interrupted again.
"Div-e Sepid? If
I kept going and had just spelled out "C-K-B-A-" before he made sense of the letters.
"Fuck you demon. I will not be made of fool of!" he roared. He took a minute to compose himself from his outburst before he continued, "
Arnold Schwarzenegger's twin started to drizzle holy water on the board. I watched as the water passed through my form as I continued to try to spell out the multitude of ways I wanted him to eat a bag of dicks. He began to chant something under his breath and it was at that moment that something shifted. I tried to let go of the planchet on the Ouija board, but now I
I was being cast out and the medium was more than what he seemed.
It
Danny
I pled to Bobby and Alison, hoping against hope that they could hear me, ''"Please
Danny DeVito lite roared over my pleading, "In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti, ego præcipio tibi, ut hinc!"
I could hear the tenant upstairs shouting for them to shut up as he stomped on the floor. My grip gave way and I rocketed backwards into the darkness. It was cold, it was empty, it was my final home. I tried to swim through the black abyss back towards the light but the pinprick of light dilated before imploding in on itself. Before I was completely swallowed up in the emptiness of that place for all eternity I heard the last thing I will ever hear: "This house is
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