Attack of the Bug-Eyed Coat Hanger: Difference between revisions
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As I go to church every Sunday, I often come across a coat hanger standing right next to the
When I woke up the following morning, the coat hanger from the church house was standing right in front of me. I had no idea how it got there, but I dared not to find out. Then I heard the wooden footsteps from the night before. Paranoid, I turned around. I wish I
The coat hanger right behind me.
As I laid in the trunk, I was shocked to see that the coat hanger was laying right next to me. I picked it up and threw it out. The neighbor asked what the matter was and just as I turned to answer, I was even more shocked to see that the coat hanger was running right towards us. I told the driver to pick up speed and he did, losing the coat hanger as we speeded right past a police car.
We pulled over at our destination so that the police would give my neighbor a speeding ticket. No sooner did the coat hanger caught up and the two officers initiated fire with an LWRC M6A1 carbine and a Taurus Tracker Model 455 revolver, with the driver joining them with a Mossberg 500A Field Gun. I ran into the building and settled in Room 205. While I was surfing the Internet looking at level maps for videogames, I heard a choking noise. I turned around to see the coat hanger shoving a bar of soap down a
The coat hanger drew a Taurus Tracker Model 455 revolver out of hammerspace and fired at me, but I blocked the bullets with the chair I was sitting on. While it was reloading its gun, Officer Baxter came in, drew his Glock 31 pistol, and shot at the coat hanger to no avail. He was shot in the leg when I escaped. I met up with my father and he took me to Chatt State, where I saw the coat hanger holding a student in place while tickling her from behind. It saw me, let the harassed lady go, and continuously knocked one of its prongs against my noggin.
My dad came in to help me by punching the coat
I was about to settle down when a familiar horror caught my eye: The coat hanger. In its hand was blood and the cysts that were in by
It punched me in the face and I fell backwards. I spotted a Franchi SPAS-12 shotgun with a foldable stock and twenty-four rounds of 12 Gauge perched on top on a crateful of others with fixed stocks. I grabbed the gun, locked and loaded, sat the chambering mode to manual, and fired away. The eighth and final shot blew the coat
I reloaded the shotgun, sat the chambering mode to semiauto, and resumed shooting to no avail. I placed the firearm back on its perch and climbed to the roof of the train, where the coat hanger started to approach me from the diesel. It chased me all the way to the end, where I had no choice but to throw myself into the Tennessee River. Before I could hit the water, I was saved by a tractor beam that pulled me straight up into a flying saucer with the Coat Hanger proceeding to fall into the river below.
The spaceship's occupant was a female green alien who vaguely resembled Sarah Jessica Parker in her early thirties. She was clad in a white-and-pink sleeveless skintight shirt that left her navel exposed (presumably her
I stared in awe as the alien exploited her expertise at belly dancing, the mere sight of which gave me a boner. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and I swooned, falling flat on my face to the floor. I watched as it changed from a generic gray color to see-through, showing me a good view of Earth, the Solar System, and the Milky Way as the flying saucer sored deep into the cosmos through hyperspace. A scream of laughter startled me and I got up on my feet. I wish I
Goody Two-Shoes was undergoing tickle torture as the coat hanger held her in place while pushing her bellybutton and tickling her loins, midriff, armpits, and kneepits with its now-dull fingers. It spotted me, discarded the alien, and approached me saying "stick your thumb up her nose, you melon-farming worthless thumb-sucker!" A rack of DC-15A laser rifles caught my eye. I grabbed one of those fancy sci-fi weapons, locked and loaded, and blasted away. The coat hanger appeared to be shocked by the loss of his arms.
Goody Two-Shoes, having recovered from her stimulating experience, cowered to the controls of her flying saucer and flew back to Earth via hyperspace. The floor below the coat hanger opened to let it fall into a forest to get shot from every corner by hunters with what sounded like Remington Model 7600 rifles and Arminius HW-357 revolvers. This caught the attention of the US Air Force as they sent Lockheed AC-130 gunships, Boeing F-15 Eagle fighters, Northrop Grumman B-2 Spirit stealth bombers, and Sikorsky CH-53E Super Stallion helicopters to shoot us down. Fortunately, this unidentified flying object
Sitting right next to Goody Two-Shoes at the controls for what only felt like hours gave me the irresistible urge to massage her legs, arms, and abdomen; her skin was very smooth and warm. She
Anyway, I walked back into my house to see that my dad was alive and well, except for the bandages on his head where his cysts used to be. As I went into the library room to do some research on dealing with living furniture, I heard my dad cussing his head off out of frustration, followed by a choking noise. I rushed into the family room to see what the matter was. I wish I
The coat hanger was back with its arms regenerated (although its hands were black this time around). I caught it in the act of shoving a bar of soap down my
I looked out the window and saw a whole army of identical coat hangers marching towards the door, armed with Springfield M1903 rifles in Mannlicher-Schönauer carbine stocks with M1917 bayonets and Pedersen Devices. I called the police and they responded immediately, knowing that I
Between waves of armed personnel, I realized that the coat hanger was unable to regenerate properly after getting burned. One of the coat hangers had mutated into a huge wooden skeletal dragon. I shouted "what do you want from me!" The lead coat hanger revealed itself to be the ghost of a future Christian extremist who travelled back in time to prevent me from directing an animated movie that would unintentionally insult the Catholic Church.
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And the Lord spoke, saying "first thou shalt take out the Holy Pin. Then thou shalt count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four thou shalt not count, neither shalt thou count to two, excepting that thou shalt proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the magic number, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall sniff it."
I did as the Lord had instructed me to do. I removed the Holy Pin, counted to three, and lobbed the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch at the core of the lead coat hanger, obliterating it. The army of living coat hangers stopped dead in its tracks and crumbled into dust. Every Sunday after that, I would go to church and come across a coat hanger identical to the one I had destroyed standing right next to the
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