Bee Movie: Original Reel: Difference between revisions
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This is where it gets really freaky. Instead of cutting away or a comedic trampling with cartoony boink noises, Barry's Father awoke, and screamed violently until all that could be heard was a breathy rasp emitting from his mouth. His head was violently trampled for a good 30 seconds until his head was a viscous, spasming pile of hyperrealistic blood and brain matter. I cringed at the intensity of the hyperrealism. Simon J. Smith was grinning from ear to ear, that sick fuck. I questioned the response children would have to this, and to that he just honked my nipples and told me to shut the fuck up. I grabbed my man tits in pain as we continued the screening. Barry was laughing cheerfully at the corpse of his father, believing this to be the true spirit of Christmas, his favorite holiday.
The camera cuts to the cave Barry's House, which is a lot smaller and more decrepit and messer than in the final film. Barry's Mother was nowhere to be found, but instead there was Jeanette Chung that Barry interviewed with in the video game cutscene. Barry is pouring himself what seemed to be a cup of coffee, but upon inspecting the coffee pot he set down, I know you're not going to believe me, but it was actually Bee's blood. He slurped the blood violently and smacked his lips realistically. "This Bee wasn't a very nice guy," Barry spoke to Jeanette. "It's
Barry walked out of frame and came back with a Projector and a laptop on caster wheels. He pulled up a video that said "P-Heads Dirty Fantasy" on it, and played the video. I thought to myself about how Barry couldn't possibly torture someone with a video of PBS parody's of all things, and even gave a small chuckle. Oh, I was fed a huge piece of humble pie after thinking that, and it wasn't delicious either. What followed was a weird cartoon with Mrs. P-Head giving birth to a newborn child and printing a picture of P-Head and his wife having sex and B and S playing tons of logos sex. While this played, Barry broke the Bee's arm, exposing the bone in the elbow while hyperrealistic blood sprinkled out of the open wound. Barry pulled out the humerus bone and fed it into a grinder. Ultra realistic ground-up bone matter came out the other end and into his coffee.
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This was all too much and I wanted to get out of that screening room, but I was scared of what Mr. Smith would do if I tried. Barry stirred up his bee blood and bone coffee and gave it another sip. "Just right!" He walked past the injured Bee, which was shrieking in pain from his fucking bone being ripped out. Barry smiled a cheeky smile, gave him the middle finger, grabbed at his ass and jingled it a little bit before exiting the room, smiling away. He left his house and entered new hive, smiling some more. He entered the carnage ensuing at the department store, He smiled and he smiled, as he walked around the various aisles, even trying on clothes that matched his style. He surveyed the chaos, the dreadful brawl, then looked at the camera and said "Dicks!" He saw all there was to see but wanted more, so he strolled on over to the grocery store. He scanned the fridge aisle, hungry for Hungry Man Sports Grill, seeing more people fighting and he shouted "Pussy!" He decided afterall he was hungry for a Milky Way bar, as the drunk bees fought over the last bottle of liquor. He swiped the candy without paying, an awful crime, and I just realized the past few sentences I've been speaking in rhyme. Dammit.
Barry left the grocery store with his candy, cackling to himself for shoplifting. All of a sudden, he spotted his friend Adam smiling at the massive fight back at the department store. He approached Adam, giving him a large serrated knife. "You know what to do," Barry said in an evil tone to Adam. He nodded with a macabre smile, and started stabbing bees in the gut, slashing them open, sending tons and tons more realistic blood and insides flying in all directions while the song "Rock n roll McDonald's" played, but in a warping, wavering speed. This went on for 5 minutes before the camera panned out in a crane shot as Adam kills the last couple of bees and the music slows to a total halt. He stood amongst the heaping pile of bodies and innards in complete silence before the Milky Way bar hopped out of the Barry's hand and became a poorly-made CGI Milky Way bar and started flying through the sky. This was way too much for me. I didn't want to see a flying Milky Way bar. My skin was crawling as the wrapper flapped in the wind like a cape, this was disturbing. The candy bar smiled and winked at the camera with its faceless, chocolate coated surface. What nightmares are made
The Milky Way bar flew through the sky for a good 3 minutes, all the while I'm leaned back in my chair, clenching the arms tightly in fear at this chocolate and nougat monstrosity. Simon J. Smith was officially an asshole and a sick man in my eyes, having made this horrific sight and traumatizing me in the process. I told him how sick he was. He laughed and sank his teeth into a Milky Way. I turned my attention back to the screen. The candy bar had no face, but I knew it was Jerry Seinfeld under that confectionary mask. I knew it. All of a sudden, as if things couldn't get worse, Jeanette Chung trotted up, and her tongue fell out. The tongue hopped around like the VeggieTales Characters. In fact, this was a joint production with Big Idea Entertainment. The tongue and the candy bar followed Barry and Adam, who smiled at the camera and spoke, "I'M A BEE," as they strolled down the cum, snowy New Hive streets.
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