Bee Movie: Original Reel: Difference between revisions
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“What you’re about to see is what happens when you take a masterpiece of a insect like the bee, and turn it into a masterpiece of a movie that I directed. Also, I don’t like Shrek, so if anyone asks me to direct a Shrek movie, I’ll make sure it sucks dick,” Howard proclaimed. I was taken aback a bit, but shrugged it off as Smith having a bad day. He itched his angry, eye and put his glasses back on. He frowned some more and said, “Roll tape!” And just like that, the movie started.
There was no narration in this version of the movie. Maybe because it was a rough cut, but I digress. The first 5 minutes were really scary. It starts with
All of a sudden, an abrupt flicker of color flashed on the screen, and a swooping aerial shot of the town of New Hive was shown, but instead of buildings, it was assorted Snickers, Hershey’s kisses, and Milky Way bars propped up vertically as the camera slid through them. I assumed this was supposed to be a stand-in for the CGI sequences in the final film. After a few rows of candy bars go past, you see some traffic, which are just toy cars being pushed by, including one that looked oddly like my car, being a brand-new Honda Civic.
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Then it cuts to the New Hive set, with extras walking about and surrounding a department store which was about to open. A sign says “Black Friday Sale TODAY!” in big, bold Impact font. The camera cut to Barry B Benson and his father, who were near the front of the line. He asked his father why everyone was there. His father just said “Because this is the Christmas spirit!” “What exactly is the Christmas spirit,” Barry asked. “You’ll see,” his father responded under his breath.
Then, two store employees approached the double-door store entry from the inside, looking oddly Jerry Seinfeld-shaped. It was also dimly-lit inside the store. Each grabbed onto one of the doors, and sneered out into the crowd. They hesitate for a moment, then finally pull back the doors, opening the store. The crowd went
This is where it gets really freaky. Instead of cutting away or a comedic trampling with cartoony boink noises,
The camera cuts to the cave Barry’s House, which is a lot smaller and more decrepit and messer than in the final film. Barry’s Mother was nowhere to be found, but instead there was Jeanette Chung that Barry interviewed with in the video game cutscene. Barry is pouring himself what seemed to be a cup of coffee, but upon inspecting the coffee pot he set down, I know you’re not going to believe me, but it was actually Bee’s blood. He slurped the blood violently and smacked his lips realistically. “This Bee wasn’t a very nice guy,” Barry spoke to Jeanette. “It’s not… sweet enough.” He goes into a back room where he has a Bee tied up and gagged, looking terrifyingly like Jerry Seinfeld in Bee makeup. Barry grabs the Bee by the face and spoke in a low tone. “Listen here, you little bitch,” What was with the fucking swearing? “You pissed me off a minute ago with that look you gave me. A rather... disheveled look. Like you wanted to kill me. Wrong asshole.”
Barry walked out of frame and came back with a Projector and a laptop on caster wheels. He pulled up a video that said “P-Heads Dirty Fantasy” on it, and played the video. I thought to myself about how Barry couldn’t possibly torture someone with a video of PBS parody’s of all things, and even gave a small chuckle. Oh, I was fed a huge piece of humble pie after thinking that, and it wasn’t delicious either. What followed was a weird cartoon with Mrs. P-Head giving birth to a newborn child and printing a picture of P-Head and his wife having sex and B and S playing tons of logos sex
This was all too much and I wanted to get out of that screening room, but I was scared of what Mr. Smith would do if I tried. Barry stirred up his bee blood and bone coffee and gave it another sip. “Just right!” He walked past the injured Bee, which was shrieking in pain from his fucking bone being ripped out. Barry smiled a cheeky smile, gave him the middle finger, grabbed at his ass and jingled it a little bit before exiting the room, smiling away. He left his house and entered new hive, smiling some more. He entered the carnage ensuing at the department store, He smiled and he smiled, as he walked around the various aisles, even trying on clothes that matched his style. He surveyed the chaos, the dreadful brawl, then looked at the camera and said “Dicks!” He saw all there was to see but wanted more, so he strolled on over to the grocery store. He scanned the fridge aisle, hungry for Hungry Man Sports Grill, seeing more people fighting and he shouted “Pussy!” He decided afterall he was hungry for a Milky Way bar, as the drunk bees fought over the last bottle of liquor. He swiped the candy without paying, an awful crime, and I just realized the past few sentences I’ve been speaking in rhyme. Dammit.
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Barry left the grocery store with his candy, cackling to himself for shoplifting. All of a sudden, he spotted his friend Adam smiling at the massive fight back at the department store. He approached Adam, giving him a large serrated knife. “You know what to do,” Barry said in an evil tone to Adam. He nodded with a macabre smile, and started stabbing bees in the gut, slashing them open, sending tons and tons more realistic blood and insides flying in all directions while the song “Rock n roll McDonald’s” played, but in a warping, wavering speed. This went on for 5 minutes before the camera panned out in a crane shot as Adam kills the last couple of bees and the music slows to a total halt. He stood amongst the heaping pile of bodies and innards in complete silence before the Milky Way bar hopped out of the Barry’s hand and became a poorly-made CGI Milky Way bar and started flying through the sky. This was way too much for me. I didn’t want to see a flying Milky Way bar. My skin was crawling as the wrapper flapped in the wind like a cape, this was disturbing. The candy bar smiled and winked at the camera with its faceless, chocolate coated surface. What nightmares are made of…
The Milky Way bar flew through the sky for a good 3 minutes, all the while I’m leaned back in my chair, clenching the arms tightly in fear at this chocolate and nougat monstrosity. Simon J. Smith was officially an asshole and a sick man in my eyes, having made this horrific sight and traumatizing me in the process. I told him how sick he was. He laughed and sank his teeth into a Milky Way. I turned my attention back to the screen. The candy bar had no face, but I knew it was Jerry Seinfeld under that confectionary mask. I knew it. All of a sudden, as if things couldn’t get worse, Jeanette Chung trotted up, and her tongue fell out. The tongue hopped around like the VeggieTales Characters. In fact, this was a joint production with Big Idea Entertainment
People started exiting their homes, joining the gang. These weren’t just ordinary people however, you thought I was done
As they continued to go down the street, more and more cartoon characters joined the group, including the workers from the department store
The movie started coming to a close here. The last 5 minutes was just Barry B Benson standing alone in New Hive, peeling his skin off with a fork until he was a skeleton. He danced around
You see, this is the real story behind Barry B Benson. He isn't a single entity. He is multiple. He can clone himself as many times as he pleases. Once he has enough clones, he’ll wipe us out all of humanity. All that will be left is “Bee-anity” and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. I only relate this story now because I will soon be dead from an illness that I would rather not get into specifics about, and I don’t care if the master Barry will be here to kill me for telling this. I lived an adventurous and fulfilling life, and don’t care what happens next
Beware when you watch Bee Movie. They say that in during any of them, during a dark scene, you can pause the movie and spot in the far distance a wrinkled, deformed Barry B Benson, withered like a Milky Way bar wrapper, pointing at the camera, smiling, and grabbing his ass.
{{GLE|R2K6 the second account}}
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