Bill O Riley writes a clopfic: Difference between revisions
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Disclaimer: Bill
Today is an average day,
He immediately writes you off as a worthless human being. You only got the job because he plays golf with your dad who never spent time with you when you were a child. You hastily pack up your paper work in your man purse; unfortunately there is nothing manly about it.
You walk out to the parking lot and get in you brand new Toyota Tacoma pick up truck. You have no need for a truck because
As you pull out of the parking lot you turn your radio on. Your taste in music is almost as bad as Rick Perry at debating. You're listing to Dub Step as loud as your stock stereo can go and turn up the bass with out adjusting the treble like an asshole. Your truck vibrates the parking lot. It sounds like your truck is about to fall apart as the booming bass vibrates the cheap plastic panels in the interior. You think it makes you look cool so you roll all your windows down so people can see your nasty acne ridden face. The simple drum loop and obnoxious computer generated noises is easy for your simple mind to comprehend so it soothes your anger. Everybody in traffic around you hates you.
You pull out on the freeway and head to your
As you drive along you notice a small red Ford Fiesta tailgating you. You feel superior in your big truck so you give it a quick brake job. It swerves and screeches its brakes but you drive like
He
You wake up in a bright fresh smelling meadow and get to your feet. As you walk through the land you realize
You finally stumble into Ponyville. All the colorful ponies stare at you. You smell bad and your patchy attempt at a mustache creeps them out so they all avoid you. Across the way Lyra sits at a table sipping a hayshake while BonBon stands next to her.
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"It was amusing the first time but these things need to stop coming here." Lyra said to BonBon.
"Were going to have to kill it again
"Yup"
Lyra
As you walk through the Market in Ponyville you notice Twilight Sparkle. She has just bought a dozen tomatoes and is packing them into her saddlebags when she notices you creeping on her.
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"Time to get some hot unicorn ass!" you think to yourself.
You tear off your white button up shirt and drop to your knee and profess your love for her. On your left arm you have tattoo in some Asian language it means love or power or something queer like that, you
Just then Pinkie Pie burst out of the pile of tomatoes in the tomato cart. She is yielding a shiny brass tuba, she swings hard into your head. Your dome dents the
"Thanks Pinkie Pie!
Pinkie Pie drops the tuba on the ground and hops down of the cart and lands on your face.
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Twilight watches as Pinkie rears up and whinnies, she gallops across the bonanza that is Equestria into the setting sun.
Have tuba will travel reads the card of a pony, a knight without armor in a savage land. Her fast tuba for hire
Just then Rainbow dash sweeps Twilight off her hooves and they begin to make out and they totally do it. I
You wake up again in a daze and find yourself hogtied before Princess Celestia in her castle. Twilight has filed a restraining order on you and you must stay 1000 feet away from her at all times you also
In the castle above you Twilight Sparkle and all her friends have a big roller-skate disco party and do a synchronized dance to "Video Killed the Radio Star."
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"Hey! Watch my mane." BonBon hissed as Lyra stepped on her head reaching for the window.
"
Lyra squeezes through the window and hops down into the castle dungeon the cells are almost all empty but she finds yours easily by following your stench.
Her magical hold on the pistol pulls the trigger and she empties the clip of .
You wake up bolt upright in a hospital bed. You see humans again and realize it was all a dream. The doctors tell you that you need a big dose of "man the f**k up" and send you on your way. A week later you are found dead in your closet hanging from a noose. The police call it a suicide but you were too gutless to kill yourself. The truth is you died trying to choke yourself while you ran one up your flagpole.
Your
Meanwhile Bill
For Keith Olbermann…you bastard.
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