Broseph.doc: Difference between revisions

A heavy-set, bearded man, clearly the victim Fajad Ambrose, was shaking heavily, curled up in the fetal position, whimpering, "Gone, they’re all gone, they were all I had...”" whenever someone tried to talk to him. Clearly no information could have been gained from this man, so O’Nara went and observed the bed.

Its mattress was removed, leaving only the bed’s frame and the space usually hidden underneath said mattress exposed. Nothing seemed unusual here, until, ironically, a policeman approached O’Nara with an empty bag of cheese puffs held by metal clamps. The policeman stated that this was the only strange object found under the bed and the main piece of evidence for the case. He went on to say whenever he showed the bag to Ambrose, he would only hide his face, sobbing "all gone”gone" repeatedly.

Trying to piece together the circumstances of this bizarre case, P.I. O’Nara’s thought process was interrupted by a man escorted by two officers. This man, who has requested to be referred to only as "Albro”Albro", claimed to have picked up bits of crucial evidence as to what happened. Here is his witness report:

After staring at me, standing perfectly still for what seemed like an hour, I was about to ask if I could help him with anything. However, he seemed to vanish from my sight in the blink of an eye, leaving only a small note gently falling onto the ground in his wake. I went across the street to see the note, which read: ‘To evoke the indie hivemind of righteous thievery... BROSEPH COMETH. YOUR COMMERCIALIST SUSTENANCE IS NOT SAFE. Yours insincerely, That Guy Who Waits Behind The Coffee Shop’s Wall To Screw With Your Mainstream Lifestyle (Or Lack Thereof).’”’"</i>

While the intruder of the home of Fajad Ambrose (who is now ironically under constant sedatives in a rehabrolitation center) has been concluded to be the figure Albro described in his witness report, the rest of the case is up to speculation. Burr O’Nara believed the situation to be this: "Broseph”Broseph" broke into Ambrose’s home at 5 in the morning, took a bag of cheese puffs from his cupboard, went under Ambrose’s bed to eat them, woke him up & traumatized the poor cheese puff addict, and escaped, briefly encountering and leaving a vaguely motive-explaining note for Albro outside before disappearing.

While Broseph is watching us all, waiting to steal our cheese puffs or send us into brolonged, unconbrollable, ironically inbroherent speaking from intense rants, we have weapons that could make it less likely for him to terrorize us. The main precaution one can take is to make sure that if they are reading an article about our elusive indie entity, they must check to see if Broseph himself has tampered with the article they are reading. If it has been hacked, Broseph will most likely steal their cheese puffs or rant at them next. This is because he is drawn to the confused mind patterns of people who see the word "bro”bro" replacing parts of nouns & adjectives and several things described in the article being called ironic, even if they aren’t that ironic at all.