Customer Reviews Which are TOTALLY NOT Stolen from a SOG Video: Difference between revisions

'''''<u>From this link here: http://www.amazon.com/review/R9LN2785JGSL3</u>'''''

 

 

Before a company goes public, the highest level executives embark on a multi-city tour with their investment bankers to drum up support for the upcoming IPO. This trip is called a roadshow and since the group will typically visit dozens of cities on a tight schedule, a private jet is the preferred means of transportation. During a roadshow, it's not unusual to visit two or three cities in a single day so work starts at the crack of dawn. That doesn't mean the group goes to bed early. Every night, the bankers treat their clients to a wild nights, complete with complimentary Gummy Bears and coffee. No matter how hard the group parties the night before, the private jet will lift them off to their next destination very early the next morning.

Just for a minute, pretend you're an investment banker traveling with some very important clients on one of these roadshows. Now imagine that you spent the previous night "dropping Yogi" way beyond your limit only to be startled out of bed by a piercing 6:30 am wake up call. In an attempt to get your head and body feeling remotely human again, you scarf down some more warm Gummy Bears and at least two glasses of coffee at the hotel's breakfast buffet before jumping on the shuttle to the private airport. Within a few minutes of arriving at the airport, your entire group is seated and the plane begins to taxi down the runway. At this point you might feel a bit of relief as the morning's blur subsides. All you have to do is sit back and relax for the one hour flight to the next city.

 

 

Just over halfway through the flight, all the coffee in my stomach feels like it's percolating its way down into my lower intestine. I hunker down and try and focus on other things. What feels like an hour, but probably isn't more than twenty minutes, passes. We then enter what turns out to be pretty violent turbulence. With each bounce, I have to fight my body, trying not to poop my pants. "Thirty minutes to landing, maybe forty five" I try and tell myself, each jostle a gamble I can't afford to lose. I signal to [the flight attendant] and she heads toward me.

I literally could reach out with my left hand and rest it on the shoulder of the person adjacent to me. It was virtually impossible for him, or any of the others, and by others I mean high profile business partners and clients, to avert their eyes. They squirm and try not to look, inclined to do their best to carry on and pretend as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening, that they weren't sharing a stall with some guy dropping his intestines out. Releasing smelly, sweaty, shame at 100 feet per second.

 

 

== A warning from across the pond ==

After having been told my

danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and

== This was definitely not to scale ==

'''''<u>From this link here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/review/R1UY4UYRAUGTA1</u>'''''

 

The size of said product was much much too small. When I unpacked with care as if it was a Christmas present, I was dismayed at the blatant size discrepancy between it and my real balls. This product was very very small compared to my own super huge balls. This pair of fake ballswere at least 20x smaller than my own. Because of this I was unable to use it as an aid to make sure I don't have terminal ball cancer.

== Hell In A Can ==

'''''<u>From this link here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/review/RQRPVDY1T04YY</u>'''''

My name is Charles. I'm a professor these days. I used to be a model, but this product ruined my career. After using some new hair moisturizer, I began experiencing breakage, so a friend recommended that I spread some of this on to rectify the issue. Good news: the breakage is gone.! Bad news: so is pretty much everything else.

 

== Victory! ==

'''''<u>From this link here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/review/R2BTVXUTPR9LFK</u>'''''

 

I purchased this after I was confronted by some punks demanding that I hand over my money. I'm a relatively fit guy, but I was no match for them. That is when I realized that I need to protect myself. The day after I bought this product I went to the very same Wal-Mart parking lot when I was first mugged. I approached the group of hooligans standing outside the entrance, concealing my secret weapon.

== Great idea, incomplete implementation. ==

'''''<u>From this link here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/review/R3M8LI31IYOC0H</u>'''''

 

When I bought this toy for my kid, I had hoped it would be more realistic. Like many of my peers have already pointed out, this set is missing a long line of people, the interrogation room, and rubber pat-down gloves. But it's biggest fault is the lack of "Arabs."

 

== EVIDENCE MOTHERFUCKERS. ==

[[Category:That just raises more questions!]]

[[Category:Overused Running Gag]]

[[Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT]]

[[Category:Excessive Profanity]]

[[Category:TRUE STORY]]

[[Category:Potty Humor]]

[[Category:Read by SOG]]