Daria: The Lost Episode: Difference between revisions
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But there is actually an episode of "Daria" that you never heard of where she shoots herself in the head. MTV execs were reported so "disgusted" by the episode that they immediately pulled it from syndication and demanded MTV play some Jackass reruns on repeat to cover up the situation because angry reports of teen suicide attempts increased after the airing.
Now before I continue, I think you should know something. I was fired from MTV, abruptly, and tersely, and received a threatening letter warning me never to mention the episode. Thankfully I have since found other employment, so the MBA-holding knob-twiddlers at "Music Television" can suck a fat one, and I'm not talking about strawberry milkshakes. I'm talking about semen filled cocks. I almost want them to suck on semen-filled horse cocks, but I know those sick fucks would enjoy it too much, with most of the MTV higher-ups having equine-related horse fetishes.
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The show about a rambunctious teenage high school girl and her preppy sister entertained me, I related a lot to Daria's apathy, and she mostly symbolized 90s and how much we didn't care back then. Milennials today don't understand that we genuinely didn't care, but this show "got it" and it "got us." Generation X. Pepsi and Funyuns. Taco bell and mountain dew: the truth trifecta.
The episode starts as normal, expect now it took place in college and all the characters were adults, with Splendora's" "You're standing on my neck" providing a rocking and rambunctious intro that got us pumped to see what hijinks the Morgendorrfeerss' would get into this fucking week. But
No, no. This was
As far as I know, this was the only time live footage of the twin towers was ever shown on Daria.
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But then it happened. The animation was always bad, and low budget, but here it was a bit more "realistic" so to speak.
"I don't think what was in dad's chili con queso Is sitting well with me.
"If beta had won, we'd all have slit throats full of flowers." Typical gothic daria. She was listening to a Linkin Park LP on full blast in a walkmen, an old-style MP3 player. She kept grabbing her stomach and I was worried something was wrong with
The next scene cuts to Daria at university, Daria's friend Jane Lane was there. Except she had bloodshot eyes and her emo haircut was sharp as a cheese knife. What Daria said next concerned me. "More waffles dad? I found an extra set of butter. Besides, if you had mild food poisoning, you'd have a very bad stomach ache right now. Except daria was in history class, and this made no sense. "Ms. Morgendorrferr, I asked you who sailed the world in 1712?" It was her professor, Anthony DeMartino. "Sorry I was sleeping, your class is boring and you're a boring. I'm really bored. Fuck you." I never heard Daria say "Fuck" before, but now she looked really weird.
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I started to get pissed off, but then I got a little frightened.
Daria's
The entire
The entire family......
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Oh no!? The entire family, shot violent diarrhea out of their assholes and exploded into pile of shit and blood confetti. You see the father's asscheeks literally explode as his asscheeks burst with a violent diarrhea milkshake of terror.
I ran, shaking and screaming and crying, with my pants down because I had been on the toilet watching from the other room, to shut the VHS off. I slammed my finger into the button, knocking the VHS tape over and breaking it. I pulled the VHS tape out and looked at the
Anyway you probably don't believe me but a few howsends later a SWAT team kicked down my door and invaded my house, throwing an incendiary grenade into my bathtub and destroying all of my potted ferns and Macauly Culkin paraphanalia. "Where's the tape?" They yelled. "Where's the fucking tape?" I told them I didn't have it. I didn't have the tape.
Oh, oh, clever me. Clever me.
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They began to dance. They danced the dance of life. Their eyes were hollow, their faces deflated, they had no souls and they were covered in shit, but this was still the best thing MTV had aired in over a decade.
A weird narration started. The poop monster started talking. "This is just a reminder that all the shit the flows down the toilets and into the sewers and in the lakes and streams, and all the shit in the air and all the shit that comes out of your mouth, the shit that gives birth to flowers and the shit that is in your very body right now is all alive and well.
And then the tape exploded. The cops broke down my door, and they stepped on my fucking neck. The cops. Stepped on my neck. And that's exactly what I said, as I realized they weren't cops. They weren't cops at all. Nothing you see is real. Do not allow the eye to fool the mind. The pupil is a weak-kneed subject of hate. The truth is everywhere: in garbage cans. it's in every rotting jackolentern, every discarded fly-covered tuna sandwich, every bubbling shit-stained septic tank and every bad dream come true. That's what I told him, that's what I told the officer. Officer dipshit and his magic band, with his fairy wand a-wavin' and his two inch cock a-flailin', telling me how to manufacture my tribunal brain, telling me what the whosit and whatsit and the authority with the authority finger, point and waving and ranting with his jizz-covered finger, waving his magic wand of bullshit, crawling around in the sewersshit following the pied piper of shit into the shit ocean. George fucking Jetson and his "super fuck face" mario friends. All the dead people. We're all a bunch of dead people. This is a fucked world and you have a fucked life and you live in the town of fuck, where you work for your fuck muffins and fuck pudding with your fuck wages, and fuck your fuck wife in her fuck car with your fuck fuck fuck. We're all normal. Everybody's normal. This is all completely normal. That's exactly what I told him. That's what I told the man with the white coat, that's what I told inspect-her-gadget. With her padded cells and her lemon gumdrop lies, their fistfuck smiles and their tiny throbbing two inch cocks that are glued to their fat, flabby fat fuck celluloid man thighs. That's exactly what I said about my neck. That's exactly what I told them about my neck. My
You're standing on my neck.
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