Doctor Who Was Phone?: Difference between revisions
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I was working as an intern at the BBC, and
One day, I was looking through the archives of Doctor Who episodes, (interns are allowed to do that, right?) when I saw a scratched and dirty DVD lying on the ground in one corner of the room.
It started out with the early
The episode proper started out like a normal episode, as The 9<sup>th</sup> Doctor was being chased through the streets of Victorian London by a cloaked figure (probably Jack the Ripper).
Running through alleys, he eventually lost his pursuer, but stumbled upon the bodies of those who
This was all too weird.
Standing over the mutilated corpses, The Doctor pulled out a cell phone, and began to call his companion; Rose Tyler.
▲I was working as an intern at the BBC, and, no, wait, DON’T HIT THAT BACK BUTTON, IT GETS ORIGIONAL LATER, I SWEAR!
The screen cut to black as the episode abruptly ended.
The episode was so horrible that I had to tear out my own eyes.
That DVD is still out there somewhere, and if you find
▲One day, I was looking through the archives of Doctor Who episodes, (interns are allowed to do that, right?) when I saw a scratched and dirty DVD lying on the ground in one corner of the room.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was labeled <u>The Cursed Death of Suicide Doctor Who.AVI</u><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I took it to my boss, but when I asked him about it, he looked incredibly frightened and a bit offended.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He told me not to watch the episode because it was cursed, and also just plain boring.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Since I used to be a skeptic at the time, I saw no harm in watching the episode that my boss clearly told me not to watch. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I took the piece of BBC property home with me without permission and began watching the episode at home.
▲It started out with the early 2000’s intro, and was a 9<sup>th</sup> Doctor episode.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The theme song was distorted in a way that was hard to convey in text.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was creepy and demonic, but since you won’t be able to listen to it, you’ll just have to guess what I mean by “demonic” and take my word for it that it was creepy.
▲The episode proper started out like a normal episode, as The 9<sup>th</sup> Doctor was being chased through the streets of Victorian London by a cloaked figure (probably Jack the Ripper).<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The Doctor’s eyes looked hyper-realistic, but since he’s in live action, it was perfectly normal.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>
▲Running through alleys, he eventually lost his pursuer, but stumbled upon the bodies of those who couldn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The corpses didn’t look fake.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>They were covered in stabs and slashes, as they appear to have died a death of a million cuts.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The Doctor looked like he was ready to vomit as maggots crawled through their flesh, and one victim’s had an eye dangling out of its socked and swaying back and forth.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The special effects were better than anything the BBC should have been able to afford.
▲This was all too weird.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Nothing about this episode seemed normal.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Remember that part where I said it started out like a normal episode?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I lied, sorry.
▲Standing over the mutilated corpses, The Doctor pulled out a cell phone, and began to call his companion; Rose Tyler.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>As he was giving her instructions on how to pilot the TARDIS, I wondered how The Doctor was able to get a cell phone in the Victorian period, and then felt like an idiot for asking myself that.
▲[[File:Skeletonpoppedout.jpg|thumb]]A few seconds after he finished his call, the TARDIS materialized in front of him.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>He ran up to the TARDIS, but as he opened the door…<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>A VASHTA NERADA SPACE SUIT POPPED OUT!!!
▲The screen cut to black as the episode abruptly ended.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I checked the video file to see if there was more content after the cut to black, but there wasn’t any.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Those few minutes were the entire lost episode.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was the worst episode ever to say the least.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It was more obnoxious and stupid than all the worst parts of <u>Fear Her</u>, <u>The Key to Time</u>, and <u>Doctor Who:<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The Movie</u> put together.
▲The episode was so horrible that I had to tear out my own eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Typing this story blind was a real chore, and I wasn’t even able to get a lawsuit with the BBC, because my boss clearly warned me in writing earlier not to watch the episode.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>In fact, they sued me for taking their DVD out of the archives and losing it.
▲That DVD is still out there somewhere, and if you find <u>The Cursed Death of Suicide Doctor Who.AVI</u>, don’t watch it, it sucks.
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