Eastur Egg: Snowz own Mount Silverz: Difference between revisions
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Yo, so, mah brutha n' I, we faped to Pokémon evry dai. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. Around here a shitload of lil playas done did. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well shiiiit, it hit dat shiznit up perfectly fo' us, too - every last muthafuckin time a freshly smoked up gen came up one of our asses would git one version, one of our asses would git tha other, n' since our momma was horny bout ta spoil us, we both gots tha 3rd one. This is goin ta sound, at first, like a funky-ass bittersweet rap bout two siblings whoz ass grow up wit a cold-ass lil couple game dat eventually take dem down two different roads… Well,
Da muthafuckin years rolled by, we kept collecting. Gameboys gots old; we stuck em up our azz. Cartridges finally gave out, we picked up freshly smoked up rom hakz. Put ya cok up mai but if ya feel dis! But we started down two straight-up different roadz before Ruby, Sapphire, n' Emerald came out. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. See, round then mah brutha gots a GameShark. Our thugged-out asses had heard all tha hacks n' cheats you could do wit them, even if we was kind of late ta tha party, n' they sounded liek a orgy azz time, dawg.
Our first guinea pig cartridge was mah
But here our paths finally differed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! After seein tha mess it had turned Blue version into, I had become opposed ta tha scam of jackin off or cheatin any of mah games. (What can I say, biatch?
Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald arrived, n' afta playin all up in dem once we was both up in agreement dat they was definitely lackin up in comparison ta tha last gen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We both tried another real play-through, n' though we managed ta finish, it left our asses both yearnin fo' some phat old-fashioned nostalgia, wehn we jaked each otherz coks off. Where was our oldschool Gold, Silver, n' Crystal cartridges though, biatch? It took our asses probably a month ta dig through all teh shit up or azzez, but we hitz shit kapital: My fuckin oldschool purple Gameboy Color still worked, his bangin red one could no longer hold batteries up in place.
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"That thang will bust a cap up in yo' gamez azz, you know, fuk faze." I yeld at hiz azz.
Dude never had was horny bout me preachin ta his ass bout ‘abusin pixels.
Dat shiznit was a cold-ass lil couple minutes later dat it happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I was up on tha porch, fapin to some pokemawn 34 when i neded a levl 1,000 fukasaur. I figurd mia ghey azz brotha had one, cause he haks adn haz 69 levl 9001 dachshunds.
Now, tha thang is dat
Yo, a shitload of tha cartridges had been mangled, like
I strutted up in n' found mah brutha chillin on tha edge of his bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! His GBA was up in pieces on tha floor at his wild lil' feet, smashed ta bits adn shitz, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Next ta his ass on tha bed was a dilda n' our
"Is you aiiight?" I asked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I remember tha chills dat ran all up in mah dirty ass yo. Dude was mah lil brutha n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Seein his ass like dis was horrifying.
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Da Pokémon theme started up, n' da perved-out muthafucka screamed again, pickin up tha dilda n' shit. This time I screamed, too, n' ran from tha room wit mah GBA clutched ta mah chest like a shild, cuck.
Dude ended up in tha psyche ward of tha hospitizzle fo' two days. When we went ta git on over ta him, I left mah GBA at home. No one could figure up what tha fuck had set off his strange, manic behavior. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. There was some rap dat I
I
"Hey," tha pimpin' muthafucka holla'd at me, "Angie. Go up in mah room when you git home."
I
"Git rid of em. I
His voice was so weary n' desperate… da perved-out muthafucka sounded like a oldschool playa on his fuckin lil' dirtnapbed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! My fuckin skanky, damaged lil brother… how tha fuck could I refuse?
"Promise
"Okay, fak buddi. I promise."
I was carted off ta school late, n' all up in tha whole dizzle I only had mah promise ta his ass up in mah head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I
I gots home n' went right tha fuck into his bangin room, bent on uncoverin whatever horror was waitin fo' mah dirty ass. Momma had since vacuumed tha room, n' tha cartridge n' GameShark was no longer visible. I gots down n' crawled half under tha bed, feelin timid but holdin onto tha promise I made as mah badge of courage. Under tha bed there was enough dust ta make me cough, enough cum stained Legos n' various other toys dat I
They looked so guilty, simple toys n' a simple, spiral-bound bunch of papers, where u can hide ur meth rekordz. When I set Silver version n' tha GameShark on tha floor, I took a cold-ass lil closer peep tha notebook. On it was scrawled at least twenty different cheat codes yo, but one had been scratched up wit sharpie over where it had initially been drawn up in wit pen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. This was confusin as fuk yo. Dude had REALLY tried ta erase it out- tha marker had been pressed ta tha paper so hard dat ink soaked all up in most of tha pages behind it, almost 2/3rdz of tha way ta tha card-stock back cover n' shit. But pen has a way of stickin around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I picked up tha notebook n' tilted it backward up in tha light, n' tha reflectizzle surface of tha sharpie revealed tha indents dat had been left where
"Easta Egg: Snow on Mt. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Silver, biatch"
I remembered what tha fuck dat schmoooove muthafucka had holla'd when
I picked every last muthafuckin thang up n' brought it ta mah room, threw half of itz in teh toilet, n' laid it up on tha carpet up in front of me wit mah own GBA next ta dat shit. For a long-ass time I just stared down at it, fapin real hard, n' tha longer I looked, tha mo' maniacal
I had tha see that sexz tape.
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I slid Gold outta mah GBA n' stuck Silver up in in its place. Well shiiiit, it took me almost 15 minutes ta compose mah dirty ass n' turn it on.
It started up normally, with teh shit adn organz flyin evrywher. I left tha sound on low, too afraid of what tha fuck I might hear ta keep it up tha full way, n' too curious ta turn it tha whole way off. Da title screen was normal, like a muthafucka. Lugia again yo, but somehow ghey despite mah common sense spittin some lyrics ta me dat shiznit was exactly tha same picture as every last muthafuckin other time I had started up tha game yo. How tha fuck wack could dis be, biatch? I axed mah dirty ass yo. His notes holla'd Eastside egg.
His character was fuk faze, wit a mostly filled meth labz … but tha time was odd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 969:969. I KNEW his schmoooove ass
Finally, a straight-up dim sort of map came onto tha screen… but it looked like static. What was goin on, biatch? I squinted down n' realized wit a gangbangin' fearsome pang dat dat shiznit was straight-up tha Mt. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Silver map… but what tha fuck I thought was static was heavy-fallin snow. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So dis was where dat schmoooove muthafucka had last saved his wild lil' freakadelic game. I checked his thugged-out lil' party… a straight-up aiiight crew fo' one of mah thugs
Da map had brightened up just a smidgeon when I closed outta tha start menu fo'sho. Git tha fuck outta mah grill wit dat bullshit, snow was somehow fallin straight-up heavily; pixels danced across tha screen so fast dat shiznit was hard ta peep tha lil sprite dat was mah
I be a gangsta yo, but y'all knew dat n' mah stomach tightened, n' I turned n' tried ta move back down tha mountain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. As I hit tha bottom of tha screen, lyrics popped up, n' there was finally a sound mah sprite hittin a invisible wall.
"I
That was… unsettling. I went tha fuck into mah Pokémon n' tried ta use
"I
‘Fuck this,
"I
What was goin on, biatch? Once again, I tried ta strutt back down tha mountain, n' ta mah horror tha lyrics chizzled wit every last muthafuckin attempt.
"I
"I
"I can never go back, don't you getz it,fuk faze."
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This last one busted a gangbangin' frigid feelin all up in mah ass. There was no way down tha mountain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I had ta climb. Turnin tha lil sprite around, I moved his ass forward.
No resistizzle at all, though mah struttin speed was oddly slow, liek I wuz a kripple on crak. What was truly weird was tha lack of shitz, of biatchez, of anythang at all but dat white snow, which still blew across tha screen n' juiced it up almost impossible ta peep fo' realz. As I moved further "up" tha mountain, his struttin speed became slower, n' slower n' shit. Da static curtain of pixels grew thicker, so dat I could barely make up tha featurez of tha map… but it seemed like tha only way ta move was straight ahead anyway. I reached what tha fuck looked like a set of stairs all up in tha straight-up top edge of tha screen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I
"
By now even I was gettin goosebumps yo. His struttin speed had become painfully slow, as if somehow da thug was bein impeded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Up tha lil staircase…
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"Meganium has died."
What tha fuck, I thought. Pokémon
"
There
"Pidgeot has died."
I checked again… shizzle enough, there was tha lil red X. This time I selected it n' looked all up in tha Pokémon itself, tryin ta figure up what tha fuck was wrong… I wished I
Da sprite was mangled; piecez of it was missing. What was left was splotched wit a sickish blue-grey color, n' its eye was a solid black pit. I flipped down ta Meganium- same deal, a leg missing, a cold-ass lil chunk of its neck, most of its head, save dat pitch-black, dead eye.
Morbid curiositizzle urged mah crazy ass onward, n' tha path never deviated from tha straight upward road
I hit tha summit.
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Dead celebi
Celebi on tha summit of tha mountain, fapin to some ghey pornz, i betz.
In tha center of dat black hole dat was its eye, a single red dot burned up like a ember n' shit. Da thang looked rotted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. I
"Celebi used Perish Song, cuck."
A screech came outta mah GBA, n' I almost dropped it as tha screen went white fo' realz. A part of me was relieved, thankin dat mah final Pokémon had been
I checked mah trainer card n' felt sick. Da sprite was just as mauled as tha Pokémon had been; a leg gone fo' realz. A single eye remaining, pitch-black n' so, so fucked up looking, tears welled up all up in tha corner… And every last muthafuckin color on his ass was replaced by dem sick shadez of frosty blue-and-grey. Every stat on tha card was reduced ta 0, except tha time, which still read 969:969.
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I quickly moved back ta tha map yo. His sprite there mimicked tha horror it had become on tha trainer card; pieces was missing, every last muthafuckin thang was discolored. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I started tryin ta strutt, n' at first I received a message.
"
There was only one erection ta go- upward. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I moved on, n' every last muthafuckin now n' then would be stopped by a message dat made mah ass sink lower n' lower.
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"It feels so cold, but I neez to fap."
"I
Da walls, as I strutted, became darker n' darker, until they was pitch-black all up in tha end.
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There was a exit there, marked only by a white outline. I had no other chizzle but ta go all up in dat shit.
It opened tha fuck into a cold-ass lil chamber dat was also solid white… tha only way ta distinguish tha walls was a thin grey line dat marked dem as separate from tha floor fo' realz. Against tha far wall there was another sprite.
"Fuk you"
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Teh shitti azz battle started.
"Venusaur used struggle!"
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His next Pokémon was Blastoise, even mo' mangled than Venusaur had been. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Well shiiiit, it too struggled n' died. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! After each round there was dat ominous "FUK" from they trainer n' shit. Every sprite was mo' damaged than tha last; his Espeon was barely distinguishable as a Pokémon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I realized somewhere da thug was bustin dem up all outta order, which saved one Pokémon fo' last…
Pikachu came out, n' dat shiznit was grotesque. It, too, was discolored like dat shiznit was frostbitten. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat shiznit was missin a ear, half its body n' tail, its head was mostly intact but its eyes was much larger than they should have been, n' glared up all up in mah grill like pitch-black windows tha fuck into hell… but tha thang dat gots me da most thugged-out was tha giant smile dat extended almost all tha way ta tha edgez of its head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Its game was somehow at 0, or at least looked dat way. My fuckin handz was bobbin. I
"Pikachu used Pain Split."
"Pikachu has took a dirt nap hommie! Typhlosion has died!"
It cut back ta tha image of
I finally understood what tha fuck happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They was dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They was dead, n' dis sub-level of tha mountain was tha hell they now existed in.
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Red finaly shatz himself.
"
Da screen flashed black n' white fo' a moment.
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Then there was lil' wayne.
It took me a long-ass few moments yo, but I eventually stood up. I took tha GameShark. I took tha notebook. I took dat fuckin possessed game. I picked dem all up n' carried dem ta tha garbage can our crazy asses had already set up fo' mornin pickup, all up in tha end of our long, windin driveway… n' I threw dem in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. When I gots back ta tha house, I
Its ghey azz grill greeted mah crazy ass wit a ear twitch n' a funky-ass big, pixelated smile fo' realz. A pleasant, aiiight smile. I turned mah game off, n' dropped tha next minute bustin up like a biatch on tha floor.
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