Firebrando Takes Over the World and Kills Everyone (BurningTorrent's 1 Year Anniversary on TPW Special): Difference between revisions
Firebrando Takes Over the World and Kills Everyone (BurningTorrent's 1 Year Anniversary on TPW Special) (view source)
Revision as of 07:00, 9 December 2023
, 6 months ago→Part 3: HABIT Murders Everyone And Takes Over Alton Towers (Evan's 1st Time at Alton Towers Special)
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== Part 1: Planes, Teleportation and Proxies ==
[[File:Firebrandoourlordandsaviour.gif|thumb|220x220px|Yolo]]
Hello, my name is BurningTorrent
is part human, part demon and part troll. Ok, you know what, fuck
introductions.
this god forsaken website, and already my life has started to go downhill.
Procrastinating on the massive pile of homework I have to write some shitty
Trollpasta instead, having to pause a show because it gives me ideas for a
Trollpasta, having about 50 million unfinished Trollpastas on my computer that
all have good premises, but I have 0% motivation to write them because
either watching Marble Hornets (or SOG, or Rick and Morty, or some other random
shit) or I simply
My life is filled with many joys and much excitement as you
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I let out a sigh after typing those last few paragraphs, and
promptly shut my laptop and go to bed. Writing these things is much more effort
than
not even sure why I bother.
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minutes later by copious amounts of noise coming from upstairs.
out of bed to check what the source of the noise was.
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all standing in the middle of the living room.
rips to this world, but this is ridiculous.
middle of the room.
service, but
story ends. (Lol jk.)
everyone.
dimension.
figure says.
[[File:Pussybriefcase.gif|thumb|261x261px|Breifcase Full O' Pussy (Fleshlights but I'm Lazy) Aka ISpentTooMuchTimeOnMakingGifsForThisThing.gif]]
revealing about 50 fleshlights.
walks into the dim light of Whateverthefuck Castle and is revealed to be Dio
Brando. (If you
of just Firebrand yet, give yourself some time.)
Now back with the crew.
in the room.
shit. He walks out like every fucking day.
rebellious phase.
Observer says.
weird ability that could help us to find where the bastard is?
Well, it
again, Allini IS emo, transgender, troll Justin Beiber, so who knows how she
thinks?
where he could be.
diss on us, I really
DONE AS FUCK WITH THIS SHIT, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE.
here.
This went on for over fifteen minutes before anyone actually
suggested what we could do about the current situation.
ambush him then?
had so far.
A convenient space-time rift opens and we all jump in. We
find ourselves outside of
whisper, stepping on a twig in the process.
Firebrand walks over to
the bushes.
bushes and go into Mr
We storm the house, and find Firebrand putting more fortune
cookies in all the rooms.
to fend for ourselves.
corner with Caliborn, Gamzee, Rick, Morty, Toki and Big Da Cat.
Da Cat is awesome as fuck, but nooo, we just had to be put against some of the
dankest ass motherfuckers the multiverse had to offer
everything that is going on.
so! My
room.
forgetting I have demon powers and could take down at least half of these
idiots in 0.9 seconds.
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Caliborn is knocked to the ground and runs away.
room.
Firebrand orders. Him and his gang all get into a portal and go back to
wherever it is that they are going.
into the portal before it closes. Firebrand just sticks up his middle finger at
him.
knocked on the bedroom door, clearly done with this shit.
Observer says.
tells The Observer.
Wow Observer, rude!
GSP?
you want to join in with Noah and
getting ready to open a space-time rip instead of one just randomly opening
this time.
OBSERVER FUCK!
the N word is because
was lovely!
matter and that I had just made the situation 80x more awkward.
in space-time.
his sentence before the rip closed.
missing and Firebrand has something to do with it.
get more answers from John.
John Cebert summons a giant flying carpet and beckons us
onto it.
to lift the carpet into the air.
realise that
fucking shit. And
I ask everyone. They all raise their hands, except for John.
a sex toy possibly possess apart from the ability to make magic in the down
below area?
flights go to this area?
the base is located, but
plastic vagina holes.
questioned us, but before any of us could answer, he thought of something.
yeah, we could ask Slendy to use his powers to warp time, but he might need
some persuasion.
The Observer starts.
was Alex.
fuckin team, GAWD!
should get Brian to do it!
The Observer shivers.
The Observer rings Slendy and tells him the arrangement and he
promptly agrees. But if he was that easy to convince, why
this in the first place? It would have saved us a lot of trouble. Oh well,
done is done.
board a private jet (which we had to sneak on or else
transportation.) In order for this to work, we were going to need to get control
of the plane. Jussiu was in charge of that. He was using his cloak to hide the
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[[File:Dankasfuckohyeskkkplanewtfisthisname.png|thumb|702x702px|Accurate representation.]]
ALLAHU *belch*
ACKBAR!
BURNINGTORRENT GETS BETTER GRADES IN MATHS!
a Rick and Morty reference. We meant go full ISIS on this bitch!
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starts to scream and we head for the cockpit.
FUCKING PLANE!
pilot says as he and his companion go into the main body of the plane. Somehow,
all 9 of us manage to fit in the cockpit, and also, Allini knows how to fly an
aeroplane, so what could possibly go wrong? Absolutely nothing.
YO BITCH ASS TO WORK AND USE THE TIMEY WARP WARP POWERS RIGHT
Observer shouts into the phone, just as we are crossing the border to North
Korea. Surprisingly, we managed to do it just in time. Any second later, and
the missiles would have killed us all. Everyone else on the plane is dead, but
out that this was actually a secret KKK plane. Yup, sure is a good thing
everyone on this plane who was part of the KKK is
up to excuse the fact that we just killed a bunch of innocent people, but I
we head now?
teleport now that
John summons all of his power, and creates an unstable rift, but we should be
fine.
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we are.
or find Firebrand and Dio?
really horny from being exposed to the magical fleshlight radiation for too
long. Trust me, you
especially not while fighting.
we should be fine.
destination. I get my weapon out ready, as does everyone else.
we remain quiet. Around the corner, we
it to power these special fleshlights!? What could they be using these for!?
(Well other than the obvious, duh!)
but they all come along eventually.
We burst into the room.
I shout.
WHAT ARE THOOOOSE!?
meme joke ok?
to power these special edition gold fleshlights. We are using the fleshlights
to create a doomsday device, and
them so we can fuse.
"Firebrand!"
[[File:Firebrando.png|thumb|297x297px|"It was me, Firebrando!"]]
beat.
little shits.
It turns out he
first one to pop out from the shadows
shortly followed by Toki, Big Da Cat, Rick, Morty, Gamzee, Caliborn (Who had
somehow managed to find his way back.), Mutahar
MARIO!? Kill me now.
stronger!
and destroys my Gawd Sword.
scene.
Well shit,
against arguably the most powerful, spoopy god demon vampire thing in
existence. Way to go Tavrisoleriterezepetamzeequiuradikarnayaferi Vantamporerketaryamakarmegicapeixahhakeijonitramyrope.
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== Part 2: The Worst Thing I Have Ever Written ==
[[File:Tehbattulovdankcharactersandshittyocs.gif|thumb|703x703px|Teh battul]]So,
minions, and
THE REST OF YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH USELESS, EXCEPT EVAN!
of his lungs.
NOW!
Sarkeesian just in time.
female, no, I am not a feminist because modern feminism is bullshit in my
honest opinion. Please
good movement but it slowly devolved into a bunch of misandristic young teenagers.
(And no
same as #NotAllMen, ok, now stop trying to push shitty labels on me.) RANT
OVER. *Cough, cough.
Anita gets angry and goes into hyper rage mode and begins to
blow up video games such as GTA 5 and Super Mario Brothers, ranting about
blatent
I realise that everyone is trying to take down one person at
a time.
was up against Mutahar, The Observer and John Cebert were fighting Rick and
Morty, Tim was duelling Big Da Cat, Jay was fighting The Vigilant Christian, Devdev
Booday and Tavrisol were fighting Caliborn and Gamzee, Alex was fighting Toki,
Jussiu and Allini were intervening in all the fights and helping, and everyone
was putting off fighting Firebrando, which is a good thing, as
as many people as possible at the end of this battle.
So
and describe it in as little detail as possible so we have time for the last
part of this story that I have more planned out in my head (and on paper) more
than this section. So get prepared for the worst fight scenes
the displeasure of reading.
Anita continues to attack me with the game bombs. I easily kill
her using my demon powers to deflect her bombs and crush her skull, just as
always deserved. (No she
I just killed one of the most annoying feminists in history. Or maybe I
because
only a theory, a GAME theory. (Ok you can kill me now.)
Evan attacks Mutahar by getting a massive knife out (the one
he uses in EverymanHYBRID) and stabbing him in the back, killing him nearly
instantly. (I really hope that
favourite Youtuber.)
in a matter of seconds.
returning to my battle.
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forever, 100 years best duo. But The Observer and John have this kinda weird
chemistry where they are completely indifferent to each other, but work well
together. It makes no sense, but this
Wiki BITCH! Needless to say, they quickly defeated Rick and Morty with little
to no effort as John
mind. It makes sense. (No it
Tim fought Big Da Cat and won. (You
details.)
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leader of the Illuminati and therefore, by his logic, Satan, but Jay knew that
was bullshit as he had actually met Satan and Satan was not Slenderman, he was
close, but he was not. As for the leader of the
because the leader of the Illuminati would have better things to do than chase
around teenagers and people who were barely in their twenties. Jay punched VC
in the chin, before kicking him in the nuts.
subsequently killed himself because of the shitty meme joke.
Devdev Booday and Tavrisol were against Caliborn and Gamzee.
EVERYONE ELSE!
just zoned out.
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rest of us.
Gamzee shouted, and everyone started fighting again.
Devdev Booday ran over to Gamzee.
all turned to look and pretty much everyone mouthed a silent
His God Tier just so happened to be
on shouting
When he was done, Devdev left Gamzee be and Gamzee ran out
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and shot him in the chest, killing him.
(No it
I know I said that Allini and Jussiu helped us with the
fights, but in reality, they did jack shit.
After all of
had one person (thing) left. The big motherfucker himself.
INTO ONE MASSIVE ATTACK.
screech.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA."
Firebrando, what the fuck?
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it fails.
doors behind us open
IT IS THE YELLOW LITTLE SHITS!)
The minions storm the room and topple over Firebrando,
causing the fusion to split. They murder Dio in cold blood and
Minions all run out of the open doors before closing them again.
Alton Towers right?
This was going to be great.
== Part 3: HABIT Murders Everyone And Takes Over Alton Towers (Evan's 1st Time at Alton Towers Special) ==
[[File:Tehaltontowerzincidunt-0.png|thumb|703x703px|I SPENT 4 HOURS ON THIS FFS. Better quality image [http://s3.postimg.org/mg8o0wnkz/tehaltontowerzincidunt.png HERE] Or maybe it isn't IDK. Post image made it look like shit.]]We are currently eating chicken at KFC. I am having spicy hot wings because
know, before it crashes.
really time oriented.
though, because I
at us.
bares his knife and basically tells him to stop, and everyone else in the
restaurant gets the message.
are.
boner from killing everyone!
really have to reference
the fact that
call?
I dial a random number. I get ready to do my best Kermit the
Frog/Joel impression.
been downloading these viruses onto my computer, and I
get these viruses off!
taxes! Please? I am THIS high in debt!
to pay my taxes! My son has been downloading nipples all over! You need to help
me! My
stop.
You need, you need, you need to help me with PC Optimiser Pro! Help me! Yes,
yes you will, yes you will. You will help me! Yes, you wanna. wanna give me a hand
job in the bathroom? You wanna, you wanna rub the lizard? You wanna, you wanna?
Memory skillz ftw. Everyone was laughing their asses off despite most f them
not getting the reference.
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The person on the other end hangs up.
as an attack helicopter.
WORL!
in there. We all jump through and end up inside Alton Towers.
So proud 2k15 BT for prime minister!)
a metaphorical Titanic that hit a metaphorical iceberg. Or just a metaphorical
9/11, but
Observer questions me.
Tavrisol replies.
hour from now,
HABIT, Jay and Tim (really fucking good idea, I know.) Jussiu, Allini, Alex and
John go off in another, and Tavrisol, Devdev and The Observer make a threesome.
(Wait, no, fuck!)
After all, you might need saving quickly if anything goes wrong, we
where we are in space-time, so yeah.
impatient and wields his knife, making people move out of the way. Also,
EverymanHYBRID fangirls (and even some fanboys) were chanting something along
the lines of:
is actually shocking because I
Tim, considering the fact Marble Hornets is well, the most fucking popular
Slenderman ARG on the internet, but this
logic associated with it in the first place.
then stand in my way!
them to get to the front of the line.
Meanwhile, with the Buttfuck
Observer
voice that resonated throughout the whole section of the park.
it in your ear.
The Observer was confused. Slendy never let HIM off that easily, and he was
probably the most loyal member of the fucking Collective.
differences aside and ride the Rapids together.
and got ready to go on.
Now, before we go to the main event,
the final group. Dildo Fuckers Anonymous, featuring John Cebert, Alex Kralie,
Jussiu Strolt, and Allini Preyer.
Ok, the first sentence is invigorating, and totally not an overused conversation
starter in Trollpasta.
mean, shut the fuck up about your overactive penis.
bit, we need to do something before this hour is up.
fan troll has an emotional breakdown.
the same time, kinda makes the situation worse.
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I am still waiting for the Pussy Patrol squad to get off the
stupid gosh darn ride, but all of a sudden, I see tentacles coming out from
behind it, oshit,
I fly up to Slendy and strike him over the head, however,
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crash into each other.
I use my telepathy to save HABIT, Tim and Jay from the
wreckage, because fuck everyone else.
specify how long before and I
HABIT grabs his knife and goes on a massive killing spree.
through this rip, it
the rip and shit goes downhill from there.
Rapids.
Firebrand leaves all of them behind and teleports back to the Collective base.
murmurs to Jussiu.
before warping back in time with Allini to sometime before the events of
Hamstuk Fenfec.
Firebrand.
Back with the other guys, Alex goes on a killing spree with
HABIT, John raps the John Cena theme and says that
subsequently being murdered by HABIT, Tavrisol and Devdev realise that they are
late for the annual
therefore go back to whatever fucked up universe
Tim and Jay find a portal totheark (am so funneeeee) and
enter it. It turns out that
After the massacre, Alex and HABIT nodded at each other in approval,
and went their separate ways.
One went to join the gay sex party, the other, went to go
The portal closed, as everyone had left that specific place
and time, and was destined to get back to the present day.
But if
why did I title it
mean, really, if anyone killed anyone, it was us, and he
over anything. Oh well. At least all this is over now.
Oh and as for the Smiler incident, the media covered it up
by making a hologram version of the park because illuminati and shit I
really know at this point.
When Evan was questioned about his involvement, all he had
to say was
something less crappy, so here have this cake I baked
souls of the damned.
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[[Category:Satire]]
[[Category:Pages with grammar that doesn't suck]]
[[Category:Overused Running Gag]]
[[Category:That just raises more questions!]]
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[[Category:Excessive Profanity]]
[[Category:MOTHER OF FUCK THIS PAGE IS LONG LIKE MY PAINIS]]
{{Comments}}
[[Category:Shortpasta]]
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