Firebrando Takes Over the World and Kills Everyone (BurningTorrent's 1 Year Anniversary on TPW Special): Difference between revisions
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minutes later by copious amounts of noise coming from upstairs.
out of bed to check what the source of the noise was.
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all standing in the middle of the living room.
rips to this world, but this is ridiculous.” I say to everyone standing in the
middle of the room.
service, but there’s another reason we’re here as well.” HABIT paused.
story ends. (Lol jk.)
everyone.” Jussiu says. Why is he even here anyway?
dimension.
Meanwhile… (OMINOUS MUSIC.)
figure says.
[[File:Pussybriefcase.gif|thumb|261x261px|Breifcase Full O' Pussy (Fleshlights but I'm Lazy) Aka ISpentTooMuchTimeOnMakingGifsForThisThing.gif]]
revealing about 50 fleshlights.
walks into the dim light of Whateverthefuck Castle and is revealed to be Dio
Brando. (If you haven’t figured out why the title has Firebrando in it instead
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Now back with the crew.
in the room.
shit. He walks out like every fucking day. He’s still going through his
rebellious phase. He’s left the collective like 1000 times already.” The
Observer says.
weird ability that could help us to find where the bastard is?”
Well, it wouldn’t have been the first thing I’d have thought of, but then
again, Allini IS emo, transgender, troll Justin Beiber, so who knows how she
thinks?
where he could be.” Tim suddenly interrupted the conversation.
diss on us, I really can’t believe that people still find that offensive omfg.
don’t get something done about this. I don’t want to have to confront ‘the
tentacles’ ever again, you got that?” The Observer yelled.
DONE AS FUCK WITH THIS SHIT, NOPE, NOPE, NOPE.
here.
This went on for over fifteen minutes before anyone actually
suggested what we could do about the current situation.
ambush him then?” I suggest.
had so far.” HABIT replied.
A convenient space-time rift opens and we all jump in. We
find ourselves outside of Noah’s house.
whisper, stepping on a twig in the process.
don’t know the word if there is one, and fuck if I’m searching it up.
Firebrand walks over to Noah’s house as we all watch from
the bushes.
bushes and go into Mr Maxwell’s house.
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cookies in all the rooms.
to fend for ourselves.
corner with Caliborn, Gamzee, Rick, Morty, Toki and Big Da Cat.
Da Cat is awesome as fuck, but nooo, we just had to be put against some of the
dankest ass motherfuckers the multiverse had to offer didn’t we?” I question
everything that is going on.
so! My friend’s senpai walks into the room. Dio, Bitchin’, Brando.
room.
forgetting I have demon powers and could take down at least half of these
idiots in 0.9 seconds.
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Caliborn is knocked to the ground and runs away.
room.
Firebrand orders. Him and his gang all get into a portal and go back to
wherever it is that they are going.
into the portal before it closes. Firebrand just sticks up his middle finger at
him.
knocked on the bedroom door, clearly done with this shit.
Observer says.
tells The Observer.
Wow Observer, rude!
THERE’S A GAY SEX PARTY GOING ON AND YOU’RE INVITED!”
GSP?”
you want to join in with Noah and Evan…”
getting ready to open a space-time rip instead of one just randomly opening
this time.
OBSERVER FUCK!” Great, more conflict that could have been easily avoided.
the N word is because he’s black IRL and as The Observer.)
was lovely!” I say, realising that we hadn’t eaten chicken or anything for that
matter and that I had just made the situation 80x more awkward.
in space-time.
his sentence before the rip closed.
whatever’s going on?” Allini asks John.
missing and Firebrand has something to do with it.”
get more answers from John.
John Cebert summons a giant flying carpet and beckons us
onto it.
to lift the carpet into the air. It’s only two seconds in however, when we
realise that we’re going to have to teleport in, as the magic carpet is utterly
fucking shit. And it’s raining.
I ask everyone. They all raise their hands, except for John.
Fleshlights’.” Ok, first off, why, and second off, what magical qualities could
a sex toy possibly possess apart from the ability to make magic in the down
below area?
flights go to this area?” I ask John.
the base is located, but we’ll have to find a way to get out of the jet before
we’re gunned down, as the rest of North Korea is protected by these magical
plastic vagina holes.”
questioned us, but before any of us could answer, he thought of something.
yeah, we could ask Slendy to use his powers to warp time, but he might need
some persuasion.”
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There’s a short pause.
The Observer starts.
was Alex.
don’t want him fucking with my body either!” Lol well fuk you, take one for da
fuckin team, GAWD!
should get Brian to do it!”
The Observer shivers.
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done is done.
board a private jet (which we had to sneak on or else we’d be without
transportation.) In order for this to work, we were going to need to get control
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starts to scream and we head for the cockpit.
FUCKING PLANE!” Jussiu shouts.
pilot says as he and his companion go into the main body of the plane. Somehow,
all 9 of us manage to fit in the cockpit, and also, Allini knows how to fly an
aeroplane, so what could possibly go wrong? Absolutely nothing.
YO BITCH ASS TO WORK AND USE THE TIMEY WARP WARP POWERS RIGHT ABOUT… NOW!” The
Observer shouts into the phone, just as we are crossing the border to North
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wouldn’t do that!)
we head now?” Alex inquires.
teleport now that we’re past the border, so I’ll open up the rift this time.”
John summons all of his power, and creates an unstable rift, but we should be
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we are.
or find Firebrand and Dio?” I break the silence.
really horny from being exposed to the magical fleshlight radiation for too
long. Trust me, you don’t want to deal with them when they’re like that,
especially not while fighting.”
we should be fine.” Nobody else says a word, and we just follow John to our
destination. I get my weapon out ready, as does everyone else.
we remain quiet. Around the corner, we see… GOLDEN FLESHLIGHTS IN A SUITCASE!?
But… Oh my god! What if they’re harnessing energy from the characters and using
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(Well other than the obvious, duh!)
but they all come along eventually.
We burst into the room.
I shout.
WHAT ARE THOOOOSE!?” OK, I know full well what they are, but I want to make a
meme joke ok?
to power these special edition gold fleshlights. We are using the fleshlights
to create a doomsday device, and for… other things…” Firebrand says smugly.
them so we can fuse.”
[[File:Firebrando.png|thumb|297x297px|"It was me, Firebrando!"]]
beat.
little shits.
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MARIO!? Kill me now.
stronger!” All of a sudden, a rainbow coloured blur flashes across the screen
and destroys my Gawd Sword.
scene.
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minions, and we’re all pretty much defenceless.
THE REST OF YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH USELESS, EXCEPT EVAN!” I reply.
of his lungs.
NOW!” We dodge the #feminst shirts that were being thrown at us by Anita
Sarkeesian just in time.
female, no, I am not a feminist because modern feminism is bullshit in my
honest opinion. Please don’t make me go on a rant about how it used to be a
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favourite Youtuber.)
in a matter of seconds.” Evan mocks him.
Gamers… I love them!” Mooty falls to the ground and I cry for a second before
returning to my battle.
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in the chin, before kicking him in the nuts.
subsequently killed himself because of the shitty meme joke.
Devdev Booday and Tavrisol were against Caliborn and Gamzee.
EVERYONE ELSE!” Caliborn shouted, shooting bullets at Tavrisol. Devdev Booday
just zoned out.
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rest of us.
Gamzee shouted, and everyone started fighting again.
Devdev Booday ran over to Gamzee.
all turned to look and pretty much everyone mouthed a silent ‘What the fuck?’
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and shot him in the chest, killing him.
(No it wasn’t, it’s been around two years since then, but the feels are still strong.)
I know I said that Allini and Jussiu helped us with the
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had one person (thing) left. The big motherfucker himself.
INTO ONE MASSIVE ATTACK.” The Observer screeches.
screech.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.”
Firebrando, what the fuck?
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it fails.
doors behind us open revealing… SLENDERMAN AND A BUNCH OF MINIONS!? (THIS TIME
IT IS THE YELLOW LITTLE SHITS!)
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I’m sorry, The Operator, grabs Firebrand with one of his tentacles.
Minions all run out of the open doors before closing them again.
Alton Towers right?”
This was going to be great.
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[[File:Tehaltontowerzincidunt-0.png|thumb|703x703px|I SPENT 4 HOURS ON THIS FFS. Better quality image [http://s3.postimg.org/mg8o0wnkz/tehaltontowerzincidunt.png HERE] Or maybe it isn't IDK. Post image made it look like shit.]]We are currently eating chicken at KFC. I am having spicy hot wings because they’re bae.
know, before it crashes.” Jay asks me.
really time oriented. They’re more spacey. I’ll be able to get us back here
though, because I don’t fucking know, main character plot convenience?”
at us.
bares his knife and basically tells him to stop, and everyone else in the
restaurant gets the message.
are. You’re actually a nice guy, you know, when you’re not getting a raging
boner from killing everyone!”
really have to reference Mutahar’s modded GTA videos? I’m still suffering from
the fact that he’s dead if my theory isn’t true.
call?” Tim asks us all.
I dial a random number. I get ready to do my best Kermit the
Frog/Joel impression.
been downloading these viruses onto my computer, and I can’t get ‘em off! I can’t
get these viruses off! There’s a tonne of cocks! I need them off! I need to do
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The person on the other end hangs up.
as an attack helicopter.”
WORL!” I open up the rip smack bang in the middle of the KFC, shocking everyone
in there. We all jump through and end up inside Alton Towers.
So proud 2k15 BT for prime minister!)
a metaphorical Titanic that hit a metaphorical iceberg. Or just a metaphorical
9/11, but that’s WAY too offensive for PG 13.” I say to the two idiots.
Observer questions me.
Tavrisol replies.
hour from now, let’s go!” We all get into groups of four and set off. I go with
HABIT, Jay and Tim (really fucking good idea, I know.) Jussiu, Allini, Alex and
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(Wait, no, fuck!)
After all, you might need saving quickly if anything goes wrong, we don’t know
where we are in space-time, so yeah.” They all go to queue up, but HABIT gets
impatient and wields his knife, making people move out of the way. Also,
EverymanHYBRID fangirls (and even some fanboys) were chanting something along
the lines of:
is actually shocking because I would’ve though more people would be yelling for
Tim, considering the fact Marble Hornets is well, the most fucking popular
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logic associated with it in the first place.
then stand in my way!” At this, everyone went quiet and allowed the three of
them to get to the front of the line.
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voice that resonated throughout the whole section of the park.
it in your ear.” They felt someone teleport next to them.
The Observer was confused. Slendy never let HIM off that easily, and he was
probably the most loyal member of the fucking Collective.
differences aside and ride the Rapids together.” Tavrisol says.
and got ready to go on.
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Jussiu Strolt, and Allini Preyer.
Ok, the first sentence is invigorating, and totally not an overused conversation
starter in Trollpasta.
mean, shut the fuck up about your overactive penis.” Jussiu spits at Alex.
bit, we need to do something before this hour is up.” John reminds everyone.
fan troll has an emotional breakdown.” Allini sort of changes the topic, but at
the same time, kinda makes the situation worse.
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crash into each other.
I use my telepathy to save HABIT, Tim and Jay from the
wreckage, because fuck everyone else.
specify how long before and I can’t do anything about that shit anyway!”
HABIT grabs his knife and goes on a massive killing spree.
through this rip, it won’t close until all of you are back.” I leave through
the rip and shit goes downhill from there.
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Rapids.
Firebrand leaves all of them behind and teleports back to the Collective base.
murmurs to Jussiu.
before warping back in time with Allini to sometime before the events of
Hamstuk Fenfec.
Firebrand.
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