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Friends In High Places (Big Cook Little Cook Lost Episode) (view source)

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Sorry about that big ole tangent I got wax in my ears; in any case, Small after learning the tragic fate behind his beloved cookie master, he sunk to his knees and started crying. At that moment, an elderly butler carrying a cup of Espresso came crashing through the walls of the kitchen. He held his cup of espresso up to Small's face as he asked, "did somebody say extra fast?" "No!" Small cried ay the very top of his lungs. The elderly butler's eyes suddenly became very sly as he said rather awkwardly too awkwardly if we're being honest here people; "oh." He then disappeared in a cloud of green smoke which must of smelt horribly as it caused Small to pull a horrifying face. Though he could also have been pulling that face as a result of the cheesy chewing gum which had found itself stuck to the ceiling of the room. I wouldn't worry too much about that though Small as that ceiling is older than the pyramids. OLDER!?
 
Having apparently lost his senses, Small pulled out a butcher knife from a kitchen side and started going in ham on the little lobsters. He killed all of them and after the deed was done, Small was shown covered in a mess of lobster guts and other lobster type stuff that you couldn't possibly understand so I shan't bother describing it to you. To Small's horror, at that moment, the doors to the kitchen swung open as Mr Allen came in accompanied by Governor Winnie Pooh. Mr Allen smiled an incredibly cheesy smile as he held out his hand to Small. "What are you doing?" Small questioned. "Only a real chef with balls of steel would be able to kill lobsters in cold blood like that Small. So, I have decided to offer you work as my chief executioner at my lobster farm over in Greenoak. So, what do you say sexy?" Mr Allen held his hand out for an uncomfortable amount of time before Small finally agreed to shake it. Wink. However, Small immediately recoiled the handshake which caused Mr Allen to look very sad. Very sad indeed. Hmm send a ham to his widow. Wait a second Mr Allen isn't dead…dead... or is he? That my friends is sadly a story for another day. Stay another stay another day! Small decided to cut loose and ripped off his tailor suit and began to sing a song about how you needed to wash pots and pans really well. Now there is the Small that I know! Disgusted beyond any kind of reasonable measure, Governor Pooh had Small thrown into the Rottweilers' den. Luckily for Small, the Rottweilers were far more interested in reading Robert Frost so they allowed for Small to go free like a hummingbird in Salt Lake City.
 
For the next two minutes, we were treated to a montage of Small walking down the street while really sad music played in the background. Small walked onto a small wooden bridge which overlooked the river. Sam stood at the front of the bridge clearly very deep in thought as he asked in between sobs, "oh Ben…Ben... why did you have to go away?" "Oh, Small can't you see? I never went away." A voice could be heard saying. Small looked up and saw and I'm not even joking here Ben as the moon. Ben's face was now the moon and he sang, "fear not little Small fear not little speccy twat for this is your chance to make history." Small taking this to heart realised that much like Ben said this could finally be his chance to make history and prove that he ain't no chicken reader. He is a human being! Small returned back to the restaurant a changed man a spotted dick changed man and that's just beautiful in my humble bumble opinion. Under Small's complete and total control, he renamed the restaurant to Singy Eatey Time.
 
Singey Eatey Time was a dinner theatre type thing where the whole gimmick was to throw fruit at the people who performed on stage. If the person tried to escape, you would simply combat this issue by hogtying them to the stage. You could also throw a brick at them if you really wanted to let them know just how much their show sucked. But what you fail to realise is that the person performing on stage is singing about how dangerous the new ethos in the workplace is. Small gained enough money from Singey Eatey Time to be able to strike up a brand deal with Tesco Extra. Through this brand deal, Small was able to latch a Tesco Extra store onto the side of the restaurant like a bad case of leeches. It is also worth mentioning that in order for the brand deal to work effectively, Small had to plug Tesco Extra at very opportunity even going as far as to only serve people food that came from that particular supermarket chain. He claimed that he had actually cooked all of the food, but he hadn't. Oh Small just when I thought you were turning a new corner! Furthermore, Small also put in arrangements to have billboards advertising his place scratted all across town even from as far North as Frisco. The billboards were basically just massive Gifs of Small eating a burger and then waving. He then gave the screen a thumbs up as he proclaimed, "trust me on this!" Oh and by the way the billboard had Christmas lights hugged onto it which were so fucking bright that they'll make your eyes burn off. No seriously, they'll make your eyes literally burn off. It happened to some old man over in Benning.
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The episode then ended with the normal credits, but they were quite promptly ruined by a SICK post credit scene which featured Richard Fatchurd ordering a pizza from Pizza Hut only to find out that he no longer had good credit. I got sick. I guess Sam must have been feeling it too as his stomach ended up bulging at a rather violent rate. I thought he was going to die! But he ended up just having to belch the most almighty belch that has ever been belched. Sam's loud belching caused not just me, Max, and Carlos to go flying to the other side of the fricking room but also for his hat to fall off revealing that we had killed the Santa Imposter. I looked over to see Francesca and what her reaction would be, but to my surprise she was simply giving a look of acceptance. Huh. After that, Sam returned to normal as he stuck his finger up into the air and proclaimed, "let's go and crack this case!" I guess Sam wanted to look cool or something because he ended up attempting to jump through our living room failing to realise that it was locked causing Sam to get a very sore nosey as he ended up banging his head real hard against the glass.
 
Leaving the house with the DVD in hand, we started speeding towards Cecil's apartment…apartment... well we would have done but Francesca pulled us over first. She handed Small a large brown bag full of ass noodles which for some odd reason Sam rather gleefully accepted. "Gee Sam don't you think we're getting a tad bit familiar?" Max remarked. Do I detect a hint of jealousy Max? Uh…Uh... red potatoes! Racing to Cecil's apartment, I decided to assist Sam and Max with confronting Cecil. Carlos meanwhile stayed to watch the car as we didn't want to get any parking tickets. Well aren't we sensible? Knocking on the old tortoise's door, Cecil answered it and looked very sleepy and so I was quite frankly. I think Sam and Max were too as they had large black bags forming under their eyes. Max rudely kicked the door open as he yelled, "we're shutting down your little game with the Kameal Brothers shell boy!" Walking inside into the apartment, I found discs of bootleg DVD's scratted all across the tables including one which was a Peppa Pig episode entitled; "Father From Another Piggy." All of the DVDs had their titles etched onto them with some lovely help from our good friend Genco Pura Olive Oil. So, as you can quite clearly see it's all coming together like a beautiful house made all out of wood for keeping you dry when it's raining.
 
Not wanting us to crush his chances of embezzling the British Government by making Boris Johnson eat a pig live on camera, Cecil held us at gunpoint as he said evilly, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. Drop the DVD's son." I did as told and dropped all of the DVDs which I had carefully stuffed into an old Lidels bag onto the floor. We all held up our arms albeit very reluctantly with Max remarking, "of all the days to leave my guns at home. Why did it have to be this one?" Looking to buy some time before Carlos inevitably comes into to save the day, I decided to ask Cecil about his time working on the rigs in Florida. "Oh my what a story. It all started back in the Summer to end all Summers. Back before you know what and no one had to pay for air." Cecil began as he pulled up a red leather arm chair and began reclining on it as he began telling us his life story. Twas quite the file quite the story. Hopefully, Cecil will make it into an audiobook and sell it to Audible. Wink.
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Using sign language, I was able to communicate to Sam and Max that we could easily take down Cecil while he was busy yapping away. I mean he's only a blooming tortoise after all! Just as we were about to tackle the son of a bitch, a large rolling pin covered in sunflower oil ended up hitting Cecil across the back of his head knocking him out. Think that it was Carlos finally coming to save the day at the last minute in order to finally earn his salt and prove those pricks over in Empire Bay who fired him wrong? Ha ha WRONG! It was Francesca who had come to our aid, and she revealed that she used to babysit Cecil many moons ago and that he once bit her left pink y clean off. The little bastard! Sam and Max arrested Cecil and laughed at his screams of pain as he was thrown into the back of a patty wagon.
 
Following Cecil's arrest, I began to take a far more calm approach to life which allowed for my life to improve day by day. I ended up moving to a place where nobody knows my name, and the wine tastes fine like a pine. The Kameal Brothers were not taken down sadly as they were friends with the DA. I'll throw an egg in his face don't you worry! I ended up becoming a chef for Don Ennio Salieri who was very nice. However, even though Salieri claimed that my cooking was a masterpiece, I knew fully well that he was still going out to eat at Pepes every Friday. Cause Pepe is a fantastic chef, and I am not I just thought that you would know! Other people's lives began improving all around me with Carlos finally marrying his still yet to be named fiancée after she learned to ignore her lactose intolerance and fall in love with my wife's goat cheese tar plate. A plate covered in tar with a layer of grated goats cheese sprinkled atop it. Isn't that the dream? Well it's been fun, but it's time for me to go. I got to cook up lunch for the Mayor and Salieri at their favourite gentlemen's club. It's not the sort of thing that I like doing but you know semantics. But before I go I must ask I may; whens'a your Dolmio Day? Oh when…when... whens'a your Dolmio Day?
 
{{GLE|Bruno Tattagllia}}
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