Game of War: Profit Age: Difference between revisions
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I pay geams. I decently started downloading game of war: fire age on my iPone 10S, because I was loving the ad for it in my playing of futurama: game of thrones. Back then, I was playing futurama: game of thrones, and then I found an ad for game of war: fire age in my futurama: game of thrones game. After I ran out of energy, I watched a video, and I found an ad.
The ad has grass, some people on a field, and a hotwarm lady with vuluptious pecsies, whatever her name was, I don
Then came the logo. "game of war: play for free now in the app store." It was burning. Then I saw the app, some warrior dude was roaring with drool on the mouth, like that cash of clans game I deleted two weeks ago.
Then I stopped playing futurama: game of thrones, and installed it, which is now done. I played the game, because it was advertised "addictive". Puls, the description says critics love it, and it has a shiny plate on the app store front.
I tapped the app, and found the logo again. It was not coal, but I can tell it
A black screen had a spinning firecracked. Loading?
Then is the title screen. The title screen had the title, and besides the pecs lady, that warrior dude from the app. He was as handsome as a depressed toaster.
The buttons contained "Login" and "Make account". I tapped "Make account". Then I see a burnt scroll with the text. I scrolled down, down, down... It can fill 27 screens, it was that long. Nobody reads these, they just need to say "You ageer to those guidelines of not acriminate people" or something.
Now I realized that the game uses internet. I know my cuntry doesn
Anyway, the game told me to make an account name. I typed in... Facon. It sticks. I tap next.
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Game says "cunclaturations. Tou can play now!" I tapped play below the phrase, and then I can play the game. This will bee fun.
Icy a field, and a MOWAN. Actually, the woman was from the ads, just liek a chinese carton. She has a scroll underneath her window that says. "Hello, welcome to game of war: fire age. I
There is no skip button.
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"Do you see that hall? That is the hall. People visit here." I see the hall. The tutorial then says "To build buildings, you need more resources." Then 3 arrows pointed at the top, where gold is seen on a wooden plank alongside a binch of empy beans.
"Tap the hall." The tutorial said. 8 arrows pointed at hall. I tap the hall. Then came a wooden window with paper on it. It says "Kingdom hall. Your most important building. It needs to be upgraded before you can upgrade." Below was the upgrade button, which belwo says "Let
"Let
"Upgrade the town hall with the gold you
The window quickly faaded. Numbers next to the hold bean reduces from 25 to 0, revealing a timer of 58 years. "Building buildings costs time. Let
"Tap on the arrows on the bar." Eleven arrows pointed at the two arrows on the bar under the hal. I tap the bar.
Al gold came out, and the building is builded. "You
"I
Another plank came our of the bottom of the sceen. Fiv buttons on the plankm,incuding Kingdom, Army, Hero, Other, and Shop. The shop was in shinning gold. I was jumping. Once. Then I was done with the jump. Why is there a shop in the game? Isn
The tutorali wolan came again. "See the bar at the bottom of the screen?"
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The tuurals cuntineud for another 4 hours.
Finnaly, I
I have a town hall, a baracks to recuit poeple, a pub for promoting beer-free beer, as in beer with extra beer, with more beer to beer with the beer, making the beer beer beer. Beer.
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I spent days playing this gam now, and I saw that face and screech every day every 12 minutes. Yestreday, the popup came saying "Pay 1250 gold to stop the screecher." I can payt to no longer be scared. Why are people sacred?
Finally, I tapped on shop. I found a shop. The shop has gold bundles, at the $2.99, $7.99, $14.99, $27.99, $64.99, $119.99, $349.95, $584.99, and the $999.99 bundle, which is the Best Value. The thousand bucks bundle contains enough gold to speed up 150 years of timers, upgrade everything trice, and get the VIP level to 3. I don
Immunity to attacks for 3 weeks for 600 gold, 7 month of tripled defense for 496701 gold, the super super duper duper booka dooka hammer of smashy smasher stuffs, the most powerflu sledgegammer of the game, waterskiing lions, a car, and one extra bean for timer items. There is also the name change, the instant level up, and banning a random user for 4 days, all for the low low price of 7210653 shmeggers.
The screecher is back, and my kingdom was attacked. I lost more resources, this time by GhammedCruiser27. It put me under a tack every two hours, and my phon was screaming each night whenever I
I feel.... Cold.
At this pont, I cam to realiz: Who did this? Who wandet this? Who has the briliant idae of doing this? So far, I had paywalls every 14 minutes for 4 days, 4 WHOLE DAYS!! I can
Game of war: fire age is the most hungry hippo I
I quit the game, held the icon, all the icons started shaking, but this game of war game app icon shook more. I tapped the X on the right, and confirmed to delete the game. The fone asks if I can keep the gam records in the gem center. I tap, No! The app is now gone. I put the fone on my tabel, and went outside.
This is a bice weather, what a wonderful weather, I
Amp ran onto me."Never play game of war!" he said. He was shaking like sanba.
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"OK"
Amp stopped grabbing me. "I need to go. The city of Aimbale won
It was very quiet around here. I don
Let
dmanitt!! Everything game of war is here! I looked for sumthing NOT game of war, and I fink I fond it: Parent murders child after child rakes in a $50000 bill from free mobile game.
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§FOOF*"WOUCH!!" the nude beardman landed on me, and I was lieing on the ground... The nude beardman got off and ran, I cold onyl see him running into a building, before I colapsed.
A day passes, I was not aware of what was happenin to me. I couldn
I finnaly wok up. This is not my city! Tis just sum grass plain in the middle of... Tarp choppers.
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"SHARPHALL!!!" the man shouteed again, in my directiojn. Oh my dude loving saviour, he wil punch me.
"YOU!!!" the man pointed at me. "YOU THINK YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE THE WAR A WAR OF GENERATIONS!?!" I only nodded. I don
"YOU LACK VOCABULARY FOR A TYPICAL PLAYING PERSON!!! SPEAK OUT AND SHOUT IT OUT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!!!" he shoutin in front of my face.
"Sir, yes sir!" I said afraidedly.
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"AS SHOMRAPH THE 27TH OF THE SNAKE WRESTLING GUARDIANS!!! I SHALL BRING YOU CHUMPETS ON THE MOST EXCITED EXPERIENCE SINCE GOOSE TICKLING!!!"
Is his name shomraph? I want to run away, but I don
I heard another voice: "Sir, you have to accept that not every single person has the will to fight for a desire, sir!"
The man walked up to our row: "YOU DARE TO INTERFERE WITH MY VISION!?!"
"No sir, not at all!" The voice was getting a bit sacred. "Please don
"YOU BACON SHITTING STINKBAG!!! YOU CALL YOURSELF A CHEESE COOKER!?!"
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I heard a body exploding, EX realistic blood blood came on the ground as well as at least 5 other peole. I saw the blood on the right.
"WHO ELSE DARES OBJECT TO OUR OBJECTIVE?!?" I don
We were silent. Shomraph was walking down the row of people, staring with a mean angry look on his face. Most peopl who look at him shake and sweat like a fish of boxes.
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Shomraph put his hand into a gun position, pionted it at himself, and then at the man. Then he continued walking, until he saw me...
"YOU!!! YOU
"Of course, of course! I
"DON
"I understand!" I said in fer.
"UNDERSTAND WHAT!??"
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"TODAY WILL BE TRAINING DAY!!! TOMORROW WE WILL DECLARE WAR ON THE DORANIANS, THE DESPICABLEST BREAD KNITTERS OF THE FASHION BRAND!!!"
I head another voice. "Sir, what is this fight worht doing for?"
Shomraph shouted back: "DON
Everyone walked to the right, except one that tried going left to outside.
"BAKNAZ!!!" Shompra shouted to the running man, very quickly running and jumping to outside and in front of him.
"WHERE THE FCUK DO YOU THINK YOU
The other man just sat down and cried while shaking heavily.
"THAT
"DOIZEND VOISHTEN, VREPURTSELLEN DIE ACHTARBALLEKE KEND VAHN SHLAAHT!!!" he shouted incomperhensible wods, and kicked the man in the air. He jumped, and drew out a giant sowrd at least three times size. He slashed and slashed the slashes and slashed the slashy slasher of the sash that slashes sashes on slashing sash, threw the slashing slashy slasher in the air, punch the punch out of the man, kicked him, grabbed the sword, punches, kicks, slashes, it goes on for 27 seconds, and then I saw a bright light from his sowrd.
"ALTIEME GHEHAIM TECHNEK!!! SHONGDU HWANG GA XONDEN!!!" a giant lazer beam shot out of the sowrd nd him. The lazer went on all the way back, and I could hear screams from behind me. Once the lazer wore off, the man couldn
"WHO WANTS TO BE NEXT!?!" he shouted. I ran ran rein, oh yes, it started raining, in the rain I ran to the training zone while it
In the training zon, people were jumping tarmpolins, having catfights on ice, breakdancing on small platforms, an... Target parctive?
"DON
"Hey!" I heard another voice at the target practice. "So you
"Name?"
"Name? Is that all? You
A boc opened out of the wall belwo the speakre and micropone. Inside was a... It looks like a bazooka launcher.
"It
I picked up the bazooka launcher jigger, and held it up on my shoulder, now to aim the tagret. I pull the trigger, and...
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*BSHAAA* the apple exploded brightly.
"Appselent!" the voice said. "Try another one. W e pring applesto the zone each week with printers.
"I shot another apple on the target. It was slightly of, but I did the doing competenyl, ain
"GRENTEN!!! HACHT!!!" Shomraph again!
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"Sir, yes sir!" I said, before walking faster.
I
"That wretched machine zone! They think they can just dump any citicen that knows about them in this maniac
"Hey ghuys." I said to the two. "Oh look, another victim. Welcome to the club of playmates of the military frollicking institute." The man said. "Don
"So, how did you even get here?" the mean one siad. I replied: "I played a free mobile game for four days." Both of them stopped eating and looked at me shocked. "you playing for WHAT!?" "I
I was about to go, too, but the dwarf man said "Stop!" I stopped and sat down agian. "Tommorrow won
After I ate the nub, I stod up and wa..."GRENTEN!!! HACHT!!!" shomraph!
"GO BACK TO YOUR ROOMS!!! WE DON
"But sir, it
"SHUT! UP! YOU
Everyone ran off further into the rabical and to the right, into a doorless hall. One of the latter poeple stopped and said "Quick! Htis way!" he then conitued afterwads and I fallowed it.
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I looked around, and a lot fo beds weer taken by otter people. I eventaully fond a bed for myself. It was not to bath, juts... a litle bit htin... I undressed into my underpants, and lied in bed, wondering what I need to do now...
Then I hard a voice. "The lights will turn on in 27 minutes. They will turn off in 4 hours." It
I could only sit and hear the others... I can
"How many more days before we can go on strike?" "We know we can
I her a lto of pople talking crazy talk, but that
I can
The lights went on. "It
After a fwe mintes, some voices stopped and it got quieter. Now only a few voice I har. Someone cam up to me. "Here, take this." It
I took it, and put it on my eyes, then went into bed again. The dwarf man just ran off to his bed... So its this bad that is bad... I went inside my bed, covered myself in sheets, and called it a shinning niht...
I
"Pay now, my lord!" I jumped back and out the pilar, and off into the darknedd, or is it the lihgt? I know, this must be the shinny shinny palce wit the flicking hippos. Yes, an orange sunrise and.. toasters on the floar. The toasters shot living cartridges at ten ten pounds per cart at a rabid pace. "Why don
I wok up. It was sunris outsid, and peeple leav tehj moor. I her the vois agen.: "The fight with the bread knitters will begin in an hour." Oh dear, I
I went out the rabicals and stod in lin with the rest, seeing shomraph in front of us.
"GOOD MORNING MY DEAR CHEESE COOKERS!!! IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT ONCE OF YOU GOT OUT!!! I
We all sad in unison "Sir yes, sir!"
"GOOD!!!" Shomraph said.
"TODAY YOU
"Knot Gateaux." One nam said.
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"GRAPTART" Shomraph shoute d to the man outside this... Tarp toaster.
"YOU
"VERKANDELEN SCHTEMPELZ!! VREKANDERR ZICCH HEINZEL TOPH DER ACHSHTAR DER THANKMAIER!!!" Shomraph ran and kicked the man in the sky, jumped up and grabbed a giant 5 meter AXE. He slammed and rolled over him at 500 pounds per second, kicked him up, teleported up, punched him down, teleported up, punched him up, teleported up , punched him down, teleported down, punched him up, teleported up, drew out two spiky fwisbees, and spun at 12 twirls per second, stabbing the man 400000 times in 27 seconds, then shot a frisbeee at the man, and launched him into the sky. A twinkle was raining.
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Gateaux walked away, and we got a colser lok at the Ywlloe Glove on A StIkc.
"utis it?" one of us said.
Gateaux came back, breaking glass on tThe fence: "DET
We took a colser lokk at the Yellow Glove on A Stick. "Me grabbie! gimme gimme gimme gimmeeeh!!" one of us said, and yoinked thee Yellow Glove on A Stick off the body.
"Wahtis it?" another one of us saiD.
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Another Yellow Glove On a Stick was thrown at us, that same one of us got slapped by it again, and feel the folor.
"Arr yu ok?" Someone said.
"I
"You don
"Wait, is Fine Fine?" someone else said.
"Wait, who is Fine?" someone else said.
"I
"So you
"No! I
"Then why dony you look like a Fine?"
"GET A WASHING MACHINE!!" the gallen man said, as he stood up. Wait, was that his lunch!? Where are our lunCHes!?
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"GRENTEN!!! HACHT!!!" Shomraph said."YOU ALL DID EXCELLENT!!! YOU ALL DESERVE PROMOTIONS OF THE HIGHEST CALIBER!!! NOW GO BACK TO YOUR ROOMS AND EAT FOR YOUR DINNER!!!"
We went bak to our rabicals, and ate out. I sat next to those two ghys form yestreday.
"Ou." The mean one said, aiding "That was some wonderful cake, if I could
The dwarf man tunred to me and said "Sorry, but he has been hit the hardest by that what
Gateaux jumped into the rabicals from breaking the glass off one of the cieling
We wer silent, then dwarf said "How does he even jump out of a trampoline?".
We eat our lunches, a bunch of farmer fries, some sausage, sauces, and... Bacon Chocolate Pudding.
"HECHTEN!!! AGCHT!!!"
"SUNSET IS ALMOST HERE!!! GET YOUR DILLY DAMN BUTTY HOLS INTO YOUR BEDS BEFORE YOU EXPLODE FROM BIRD CRACKERS!!!" he shouted. Welp, we need beds.
We alll ran off to thee beds, some of us went to the nearby WC to dispose their resources resources resources, beefore walking into beds.
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Wi were aboot to leave, when "GRENTEN!!! HACHT!!!"Shomraph shouted, and we immediately steppid in horizontal line.
"NOW! TODAY WE
"THEY
"HER DEY CUM!!!" Shamraph shouted. It
We fond our opponents. A giant hered of living metal ostriches. They ran super fast, and now they
So, what did we learn today? DON
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