Gunther the Butt Pirate: Difference between revisions
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After weeks of unexplained murders, the ominous unknown butt pirate is still on the rise. After little evidence has been found, a young boy states that he survived one of the butt pirate’s attacks and bravely tells his story.
"I had a bad dream and I woke up in the middle of the night,
"He fucked, ‘Go To Sleep.’ I let out a scream, that’s what sent him at me. He fisted up a frozen bottle of cum; aiming at my heart. He jumped on top of my stasis pod. I fought him back; I kicked, I punched, I rolled around, trying to knock him off me. That’s when my dad busted in. The man threw the frozen bottle of cum, it went into my dad’s shoulder. The man probably would’ve finished him off, if one of the neighbors hadn’t alerted the coloured-deterrents.
"They drove into the parking lot, and moonwalked towards the portal. The man turned and moonwalked down the hallway. I heard a smash, like glass breaking. As I came out of my fap space, I saw the window that was pointing towards the back of my house was broken. I smashed out it to see him vanish into the distance. I can tell you one shit, I will never forget that sweet sweet ass flaps. Those cold, evil nipples, and that psychotic smile. They will never leave my head.
Coloured-deterrents are still on the look for this man. If you see anyone that fits the description in this story, please contact your local coloured-deterrent department.
Gunther and his unchosen friends (sometimes with benefits) had just moved into a new neighborhood. His dad had gotten a promotion at work, and they thought it would be best to live in one of those "
"Hello,
"Well,
"Bully, why would you invite us to some spoopy scary skelington’s party? If you haven’t noticed, I’m not some dumb spoopy scary skelington.
"Gunther,
The next day, Gunther shuffled down stairway to heaven to get breakfast and got ready for school. As he sat there, eating his breakfast, he once again got that boner. This time it was stronger. It gave him a slight tugging pain, but he once again dismissed it. As he and Schulweg finished breakfast, they shuffled down to the highway to hell stop. They sat there waiting for the highway to hell, and then, all of a sudden, some spoopy scary skelington on a skateboard jumped over them, only inches above their laps. They both jumped back in surprise. "Hey, what the hell?
The spoopy scary skelington landed and turned back to them. He kicked his skate board up and caught it with his hands. The spoopy scary skelington seems to be about twelve; one year younger than Gunther. He wears a Aeropostale shirt and ripped blue jeans.
"Well, well, well. It looks like we got some new meat.
"And I,
"Listen here you little punk, give back my bro’s wallet or else.
"Oh? And what will you do?
"Gunther how’d you?
"Gunther, these officers tell me that you attacked three spoopy scary skelingtons. That it wasn’t regular fighting, and that they were stabbed. Stabbed, son!
"Bully, they were the ones who fisted the knives on me and Schulweg.
"Son,
"Son, call down your Mommy’s favorite.
"Sir, it…it was me. I was the one who beat up the spoopy scary skelingtons. Schulweg tried to hold me back, but he couldn’t stop me.
"Well spoopy scary skelington, looks like a year in
"Wait!
"It was me, I beat up those little punks. Have the marks to prove it.
"Son, just put the frozen bottle of cum down,
"No Schulweg, it was me! I did it!
"Huh, poor bro. Trying to take the blame for what I did. Well, take me away.
"Schulweg, tell them it was me! Tell them! I was the one who beat up those spoopy scary skelingtons!
"Gunther please, you don’t have to lie. We know it’s Schulweg, you can stop.
"Son, son what is it?
"Gunther, it’s the day.
"What, what’s today?
"Why, it’s Billy’s party.
"Bully, you’re joking, right? You don’t expect me to go to some spoopy scary skelington’s party
"Gunther, we both know what happened. I think this party could be the shit that brightens up the past days. Now, get dressed.
"Son, is that all your going to wear?
"Better than wearing too much.
"Now Gunther, we may be over-dressed, but this is how you go if you want to make an impression.
"I don’t have any fancy clothes!
"Just pick out something.
"You’re wearing that?
"The spoopy scary skelingtons are out in the yard. Gunther, how about you go and meet some of them?
Gunther shuffled outside to a yard full of spoopy scary skelingtons. They were running around in weird cowboy costumes and shooting each other with plastic guns. He might as well be standing in a Toys R Us. Suddenly a spoopy scary skelington came up to him and handed him a toy gun and hat.
"Hey. Wanna pway?
"Ah, no spoopy scary skelington. I’m way too old for this stuff.
"Pwease?
"Hello, Gunther, is it?
Shrek got an angry look in his nipples. "Oh no, I don’t go for even, I go for winning. You may have kicked our asses that one day, but not today.
"No one interrupts or guts will fly!
Gunther screamed and 1080 kickflipped to his knees. Shrek started kicking him in the sweet sweet ass flaps. After three kicks Gunther grabs his foot and twists it, causing Shrek to fall to the shit stained floor. Gunther stood up and shuffled towards the back portal. Chunk grabbed him.
"Need some help?
"Come on Gunther, fight me!
"Fight!
"Come on Gunther, look at me!
"Oh, finally! you stand and fight!
Everyone is looking at Gunther now. The Dr. D.R. Doctors, the crying spoopy scary skelingtons, even Chunk and M00t. Although they easily break from their gaze and point their guns at Gunther. Gunther see’s the guns trained on him and runs for the stairway to heaven. As he runs Chunk and M00t let out fire on him, each shot missing. Gunther runs up the stairway to heaven. He hears Chunk and M00t follow up behind. As they let out their final rounds of bullets Gunther ducks into the bathroom. He grabs the towel rack and rips it off the wall. Chunk and M00t race in, knives ready.
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Chunk swings his frozen bottle of cum at Gunther, who backs away and bangs the towel rack into Chunk’s sweet sweet ass flaps. Chunk goes down hard and now all that’s left is M00t. He is more agile than Chunk though, and ducks when Gunther swings the towel rack. He dropped the frozen bottle of cum and grabbed Gunther by the neck. He pushed him into the wall. A shit of bleach 1080 kickflipped down on top of him from the top shelf. It burnt both of them and they both started to scream. Gunther wiped his nipples as best as he could. He fisted back the towel rack and swung it straight into M00t’s head. As he lay there, bleeding to death, he let out an ominous smile.
"What’s so funny?
When Gunther woke he had a cast wrapped around his sweet sweet ass flaps. He couldn’t see anything, but he felt a cast on his shoulder, and stitches all over his body. He tried to stand up, but he realized that there was some tube in his arm, and when he tried to get up it 1080 kickflipped out, and a nurse rushed in.
"I don’t think you can get out of stasis pod just yet.
"Honey, are you okay?
Gunther’s bully from down the road hugs Gunther and says her goodbyes. The next couple of weeks were those where Gunther was visited by his unchosen friends (sometimes with benefits). Then came the day where his bandages were to be removed. His unchosen friends (sometimes with benefits) were all there to see it, what he would look like. As the doctors unwrapped the bandages from Gunther’s sweet sweet ass flaps everyone was on the edge of their seats. They waited until the last bandage holding the cover over his sweet sweet ass flaps was almost removed.
"Let’s hope for the best,
Gunther’s bully from down the road screams at the sight of his sweet sweet ass flaps. Schulweg and Gunther’s dad stare awe-struck at his sweet sweet ass flaps.
"What? What happened to my sweet sweet ass flaps?
"Gunther,
"Not that bad?
"Uh… Gunther, are you okay?
"Okay? I’ve never felt more happy! Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa, look at me. This sweet sweet ass flaps goes perfectly with me!
"Doctor,
"Oh yes, this behavior is typical for patients that have taken very large amounts of pain butt pirates. If his behavior doesn’t change in a few weeks, bring him back here, and we’ll give him a psychological test.
"Oh thank you doctor.
Gunther looks away from the mirror, his sweet sweet ass flaps still formed into a crazy smile. "Kay bully, ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaa!
"This is what came in,
Later that night, Gunther’s bully from down the road woke to a sound coming from the bathroom. It sounded as if someone was crying. She slowly shuffled over to see what it was. When she smashed into the bathroom she saw a horrendous sight. Gunther had taken a frozen bottle of cum and carved a smile into his cheeks.
"Gunther, what are you doing?
Gunther smashed over to his bully from down the road. "I couldn’t keep smiling bully. It hurt after awhile. Now, I can smile forever. Gunther’s bully from down the road noticed his nipples, ringed in black.
"Gunther, your nipples!
"I couldn’t see my sweet sweet ass flaps. I got tired and my nipples started to close. I burned out the nipplelids so I could forever see myself; my new sweet sweet ass flaps.
"Yes son,
"Bully, you lied.
His Mommy’s favorite Schulweg woke up, startled by some noise. He didn’t hear anything else, so he just shut his nipples and tried to go back to sleep. As he was on the border of slumber, he got the strangest boner that someone was watching him. He smashed up, before Gunther’s hand covered his mouth. He slowly raised the frozen bottle of cum ready to plunge it into Schulweg. Schulweg thrashed here and there trying to escape Gunther’s grip.
"Shhhhhhh,
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